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I laughed! I cried! kittenNangel April 2012
So, as you regulars may have figured out, I went to Hedo last week to "surprise" Cop and Kitten on their 25th Anniversary.
Over the last year, Paul and Joan have become good friends of mine. They are fun, caring, generous people. They will be the first to admit that their 25 years have not been easy, but they love eachother more today than ever. And so, I had to be there. Phillygirl is a romantic :)
The secret was held for many months, but was revealed in a fit of organization and good planning. (I will admit, I was upset but the Project Manager in me had to forgive!) So I told them all, "Forget it! I am not going!" Guess what? No one believed me. (I should add "smart" to that description above!) So, I did the next best thing. I went a day early!
You didn't think I was going to go a day LATER, did you?? LOL
Tuesday April 10th, 2012
Up at the butt crack of dawn, I shower and grab my bags. I'm at the airport without any troubles, and sit and read waiting for the plane. I happily jump up when they call First Class boarding, thanking my ex-husband once more for signing me up for the US Airways MILES credit card YEARS ago. I settle in with my bloody mary, and my seatmate and I start chatting away. Eventually the couple behind us get in on the conversation, and before you know it I'm giving them the lowdown on night passes to Hedo! At one point we were so noisy, the flight attendant had to ask us to settle down. This could be because we were all excited to be going on vacation. This could be because in the span of under 4 hours she managed to pour us 50 (FIFTY) small bottles of vodka between 8 of us. Hmmm...
So, I walked off the plane sideways... straightened up long enough to get through immigration (the answer to "where are you staying" always gets a smile), snagged my bag out of the pile, and off to find TimAir. A short wait for another couple, $124, and an exchange of emails with the cutie representative later, I was in the air seeing my "home away from home" from the sky. Beautiful for sure. Perhaps I am a Jamerican, as claimed by several this trip :)
A quick ($6) cab ride to Hedo (and really, you can walk! But I try and support the economy...) and I was checking in with graciously offered (and accepted) mimosa in hand. (Hey, I was sobering up! No time for a hangover at noon!) I will note, they were SIGNIFICANTLY more pleasant this check-in over the last two. Not sure if they heard the complaints, but whatever, I'll take it. The process was quick, and as a repeater I was fine with the utter lack of normal check-in information. (Seriously, would it kill them to hand out a map and give a quick orientation? I see people wandering around, I feel so bad!)
The walk to my room, just a few down from where I stayed last May, was enjoyable with the friendly bell hop (?? What do they prefer to be called??) chatting along. "3 times, mon? You're an addict!" Yes, this was my 3rd trip in the last 11 months. I suspect that will slow down. But in the meantime, I enjoyed the familiarity. Dumped my bag, grabbed my sunscreen, mug and BIG floppy hat, and was on my way to find my Hosts. After some sniffing around, I went to their room and gleefully thumped on their room door, despite the "do not disturb" sign. "What the fuck? Who's banging on our door?" He stared at me, sunglasses and big floppy hat, and smiled. "Well, you're a day early!"
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After catching up on the trip events up until then, I ventured out to the pool and soaked in the sun. Lunch at Reggae Cafe (grille on prude side, by Watersports shack) was excellent, as always. I met lots of the group, and quickly got over my disappointment that they were out of Ting. Yeah, I was drunk!! Finally stumbled out of the pool and down to Fred and Angel's hot tub for some pre-dinner chatter and to have cool, refreshing water poured into my mouth. Thank you Fred!!!
Back to the room for a quick shower and into my red lace "dress" for Pajama night. This outfit was particularly significant, as it was the one I purchased for my first trip to hedo 3 years ago, and never got to wear because I passed out on my first night before dinner. (My second trip, last may, we made it a few hours longer, and last september I made it to dinner.) I proudly wore my costume, and did a quick check in at the piano bar. No Eldon, my Jamaican sweetie :( Oh well.... After watching the group's costume contest (they do such a great job!) I headed off for bed. Not bad for someone who was toasted before 9am!!
Wednesday, April 11th, 2012
Started my day with a coffee and a float in the ocean. Checked in with everyone online to let them know I made it. Had a great breakfast, and hung out on the prude side beach waiting for the Catamaran cruise. The prude beach is definitely clothing optional, and I opted! As did others. I enjoyed seeing some fish and a big red starfish. (Didn't know they came in red! Figured he forgot his sunscreen!) The Catamaran cruise was great!!!! Blue skies, calm seas, reggae music... I laid my pale naked body out on the front deck, popped on the sunglasses and hat, and CHILLED. Everyone else was up, chatty, moving around... I was in a zone. At one point, one of the boat workers whispered in my ear "mon, you should really relax more!" laughing. Yup. It was clear. I was in my happy place.
Snorkeling was good, cave swimming was fun, and the food on the boat was a great touch! kittenNangel Hosts take care of us. The ride back was riddled with LOTS of PDAs, thanks to Fifty and his alcohol whipped cream. He also lead us in song as we mooned the "textile" boat. (We are nudist, we don't care! We don't wear no underwear!) Ahh, the memories... :)
Another great lunch at the Reggae Cafe, and it was time to get cleaned up and DRESSED (GASP!) for the vow renewal. As expected, Cop had every detail perfect. As they stood in the afternoon sun, with the water just lapping at their feet, the music from his iPod was all you could hear in the breeze. We could not hear the words, but the looks on their faces told the story. I admit, I was crying. I told you, Phillygirl is a romantic...
The reception after was sweet, with many meaningful toasts from their friends new and old. After, we hung out for the Repeaters Party (woo hoo! but I didn't win anything :( ) and then dinner at martinos. The conch soup was delicious, and the lamb chops perfect as always! The ravioli (ordered a half portion as an appetizer) were also VERY good. The shrimp scampi looked awesome, as did the filet. All-in-all, this is a must go in my mind!
The evening's resort theme was "Fetish Fantasy" while kNa had a "Demented Disney" theme. I was at a loss on the demented disney, and packed my dominatrix outfit from last may, including crop and feather. At the last minute, I grabbed my "ears" from my many trips to disney. And hence, "Mistress Minnie" was born! It was a great night to people watch!!! Once the kNa costume contest was over, I headed to the piano bar to check for Eldon. No Eldon :( But my new friends marcncleo were there, and I sat with them for a "moment." (Karaoke is not my thing...) Well, that "moment" turned out to be an all-night laughfest. I am surprised I did not pee my leather panties! David, a new(er) EC, was at the helm, keeping things going until Fifty "took over." Well, I am fairly sure David could do stand-up. He was HILARIOUS, and Fifty, of course, is also funny. Put them together? Oh. My. God. I will never forget the look on Fifty's face when David said (in Arnold Schwartzenagger voice) "Hello, my name is Fifty. My arm muscles are so big, I can't wipe my own ass." Perhaps it was a "had to be there" moment. But I can say, that was my best night this trip! (Not to mention the "Derek and Cole" show, where two separate guests kept us entertained with their singing...talents... lol! And Loretta! Oh my! Every trip needs a Loretta at the Karaoke bar. She was AMAZING.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Diving day! Had some breakfast and was getting ready for the dive when I found out a family member had passed away. I was pretty upset, but surrounded by such great people, and a few hugs later, I struggled to stay too upset. She was finally at peace, out of pain, and reunited with her husband. Rest in Peace Grandmom Cora...
As usual, my heart nearly pounded out of my chest as I got on the boat. And, as usual, my ears would not clear easily. Thankfully the divemaster was very patient with me, and made sure I got to depth. (I am not doing anything dangerous, I just need more time!) I got to see a huge sea snake, along with a beautiful angel fish, and of course other assorted amazing undersea delights. (Fish, colorful coral, etc) At one point I was very close to 70 feet, my deepest dive yet. This made me more nervous about my "habit" of blowing the safety stop... Thankfully, my "buddy" and I had pre-planned that he'd hold on to me. I managed to stay down relatively well, and all-in-all was a successful dive.
Lunch at the Reggae cafe (you see a pattern people?? Go! Yes, you have to cover-up. But the grilled fish, rice and beans, and salad is a lunch I could eat every day! The grilled cheese made just perfect! Tender jerk chicken! And there is even a server to go grab you drinks at the bar! Best kept secret in my mind...) and a shower back at the room, and I was off to the nude pool. A quick dip and a round of hellos ("where in the hell have you been!?") and I was off to my massage appointment. The spa is run by Hedo/superclubs/whatever, but the ladies are contractors. So, they walk the beach to drum up business, because otherwise, they don't get paid. Well, as I told Renee (?), she had me at hello! 80 minutes of the deepest, most therapeutic massage later, I was walking out like jello. I will say the same thing I did last May: do not underestimate the strength of these women! I had to call her off twice, and I NEVER do that! Back to the pool and hot tub to wrap up the evening with friends. I was tired as hell, but didn't want to miss our group's special dinner under the stars. I got there a bit late, but I glittered as required on "Black and White Starlight Night!" I enjoyed dinner, and meeting another single lady in our group. (Who, turns out, lives less than 5 miles from me!) Such a small world. So finally, Fred got up to say a few words. As he told this story, I sorted of drifted in and out of attention. I was fading, FAST. Diving, drinking, massage, hot tub... I was ready for BED! (Old lady trapped in a middle-aged body! lol) Suddenly I see people unwrapping these "wish lanterns." The ricepaper "sock" had a bamboo ring at the bottom, with a piece of cardboard covered in wax. As you light the cardboard, the heat inflates and illuminates the lantern. And so, each person got to hold their own lantern and make their wish as they release the lantern into the sky. I can not express how breathtaking this was to see. To see people's faces light up, become reflective, and then release their lantern.... I tried to capture it on camera, but I can honestly say you had to be there. As the lanterns filled the sky, floating out over the ocean, I started to tear up again. Isn't this what vacation is about? Renewing your body, and soul? And at Hedo, I get to do that in the most basic of ways.... walk around naked, without the stress of "do I look ok?" or "I need to lose weight." Everyone is complimentary, and I always walk away feeling like a million bucks, as they say. My quiet morning floats in the ocean give me the time to reflect on my life, and being surrounded with my new "insta-friends" is a great experience that not many others get to have. Finally, it was my turn. As I released my lantern my tears fell... It had been a long day, and was time for bed.
Friday, April 13, 2012
FRIDAY THE 13th!!
My eardrum was feeling better, and while I was hesitant to miss a few hours of my last day, I decided to go diving. Once again, slow to equalize. But once again, my awesome diving crew let me do what I needed. I got to depth and took in the beauty. HUGE starfish, a beautiful manta ray, a sand ray, and much more. Everyone else saw a turtle, but I didn't want to ascend, as I am not great at buonancy control, and didn't want to risk "popping to the top." This was a major bummer, as I love sea turtles. Maybe next time :)
I decided to run straight to the nude pool today, and showered off right outside. As I stretched out my bathing suit to dry (yes, I wear a suit to dive. Why? well, that jelly fish sting was best confined to my leg and nowhere else, if you catch my drift! Besides, the BCD is rough on my nipples! lol) and wound up talking to a couple I had met for nearly an hour! Into the pool I went, and YAY! They had Ting! I loaded up my mug, and began to socialize. At one point, I was leading a group of newbies in a round of body shots... at another, they were showing me what they had learned on MY body!! Yikes! lol And finally, as I cried in the middle of the pool about my loss, I realized that diving, dehydration, lots of ting and absolut, and a skipped lunch made a WAY TOO DRUNK PhillyGirl. :(
So, I climbed out of the pool, leaving my new southern gentleman that I so wanted to get to know behind. I knew it was time to go back to my room. As I gathered my stuff, I turned too quickly and fell on my knees in the sand. Laughing at myself, I suddenly hear "Security! We need help!" As I looked to see who needed help, I realized they were talking about me. Ooops! I really was OK, but was resigned to my security escort to my room. Poor lady had to walk clear across the damn resort just to walk my sorry drunk ass back. I felt so bad! But I made it, and survived to laugh at myself and tell the story!
Friday night I peeled myself out of bed to go eat. I still say Friday is one of the best entertainment nights, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. With some rest, water and food, I was back to myself. I looked for my sexy southern gentleman, but did not see him. I looked for Eldon, but no.... I listened to the new piano player for a few minutes, but alas, my body gave out, and I walked back to my room.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
I can't believe I had to set my alarm on vacation. That sucks so bad. I packed up my stuff and headed out to do my "last day chores." I exchanged my towels for cards, and then checked out and got my bus boarding pass. (I chose the bus to go home. See my section on TimAir and Club MoBay for more)
And just as I was ready to go, there was my southern gentleman. And guess what? He was on the 10am bus, too.
And that, folks, is what I call KARMA.
After a DOUBLE goodbye mooning from all my beloved group (that bus driver was awesome going around twice!!) we were off to MBJ. The trip was a little longer than usual; being a saturday, i was not surprised. We still got there in plenty of time. Utilizing my Club MoBay pass, I breezed through a LONG line, hit the duty free, and was happily relaxing in the lounge for a few hours before my flight.
All-in-all, I had a great trip. I was thrilled to get to celebrate Paul and Joan's anniversary! Had fun, made more friends, and probably knocked another year or two off my poor liver's life! But life is what you make of it. You can't put off until tomorrow the fun and enjoyment of today.
Weather: BEAUTIFUL! Sunny, warm (mid 80s) with a pleasant breeze. Water was a little choppy Friday, but not too bad. No rain in my 4 days, although I heard it did when I left.
TimAir: Well worth it if you have the money. Well worth it if you're on a short trip and want to make the most of your time. Notes: if you're a single, you either have to pay for two people, or wait for another couple. This can cut into the efficiency. But I still made it landing to Cop and Kitten's room in 2 hours. Also, this plane is SMALL. If you have any hesitation, I don't suggest it!! As for the return trip... Honestly, unless your flight is really late in the day, I don't think the extra hour or so is worth it. (The difference of leaving at 10 or 11 would have only gotten me another hour of staring at my friends saying "isn't there a job here for me?!??") There is no waiting to get on the bus like when you arrive at the airport. You have a time, you get on, it's an hour ride. Done. So I chose to take the bus back. And take advantage of Club MoBay...
Club MoBay: So, the resort is going to get you there 3 hours early, give or take. And I'm a travel worry wort, and always get to the airport early. SO, this service is RIGHT up my alley! It was $30 in advance, and I got to go in a special line for Immigration and Security, as well as sit in their lounge, which offers drinks (alcoholic), light food, TVs, and wifi. They even have a flight update monitor, and announce your flight boarding. If you are traveling at a busy time of year, or day of the week, IMO this deal can NOT be beat. Enjoy it now: either everyone will catch on and the line advantage won't be that great, or the cost will go up!
Facilities: Ok, I know this is a matter of opinion. But that's what trip reports are! And in my opinion, this resort needs to KEEP putting money into the facilities. A few caveats: I always book the "cheap seats." (Garden prude) So maybe it's different. But here goes: renovate the bathrooms. Get rid of the moldy tile. Get a smooth surface that has no crevices to collect mold. Fix the door so they're not splintering... Rehab the linens. Those sheets ARE THE WORST. I swear I'm bringing my own next trip! And get rid of the late 80s plaid curtains, etc. Time for an update!!! I know it doesn't matter, but it just reflects. And, for the love of god and all us germaphobes, can you get rid of the comfortor?? Dear god, I don't touch those things in a normal hotel! At hedo!? I was skeeved at having to use the blanket, but I was freezing under the AC. (Yes, I turned it down, but I like a little coolness and to snuggle under the covers!) Would it really kill you financially to get some washable duvets??
Food and Beverage: Ok, so I'll admit my profession sneaks into my opinion of things. I actually met a Lean specialist down there, and we were able to vent/laugh over the things that drive us crazy at Hedo. But seriously, the resort's main functions are to provide shelter, food, beverage and entertainment. Right? So why the hell they can't figure out how to have things properly stocked, and re-stocked, is beyond me. No bananas, no Ting, I heard they ran out of Crown... I mean, seriously? Although I can say, breakfast was better stocked this trip than last September. But even the serving... at Martinos, we had 4 tables of 4. (well, one table of 5. You know, the single girl always messes things up!) How two tables are done their meals, and the other two are just being served their entrees?? It is just mindboggling. I know, I know. It's vacation. It's jamaica. But perhaps management should take a quick trip to the states (or wherever!) and take a few hotel/restaurant management courses!
Watersports: The guys (and now a girl!) in the Watersports crew are AWESOME. Noel is a big teddy bear, and I can honestly say he just makes me smile looking at him! Derrick and (crap crap crap, blanking on his name! Darryl??) are the best dive instructors! Sweet, friendly, PATIENT, and professional. I hear some rumblings about the Watersports guys sometimes, but the core group I interact with have been nothing but fabulous each of my three trips in the past year.
Entertainment: Nick, Winston, Fifty and the girls are great as usual. Their energy and talent amazes me. As detailed, I think David is an awesome addition. I still miss Duke, but know he must have done something to screw up. Thankfully Hedo seems to attract talent. That said. HOLY CRAP. Michael, as I have described in other posts, is one...unique...character. He doesn't even play the piano! (He plays the keyboard.) And plays the most mellow music... good for dinner! But not for Piano Bar! I was no fan of Deon. But damn, management needs to KEEP LOOKING. Or shake things up. But do something!!!
