Is it shallow...is it wrong???

**MaryW** · 03-05-2010, 05:02 PM

It's perfectly natural to have preferences. That simply means that you are physically attracted most often to someone of a certain race, look, buld etc. Hopefully you're sensitive enough to then need more than that once you SEE someone who meets those preferences and if their personality sucks, you are no longer attracted. (unless you've got a good ball-gag handy!)

I think the "we are all beautiful people" concept comes from the experience that we find others who don't fit our preferences but we allow ourselves to get to know them and find that we are in fact attracted for different reasons despite the fact that they don't match our usual preferences.

**Flyboy** · 03-05-2010, 06:31 PM

I guess it depends on what is meant by preferences. I prefer steak over chicken. But I still eat chicken. Some men prefer blondes. If it's a litmus test of "I'll only fuck red-heads." Then, I don't think I'd have sex with them even if I were a red-head. I'd just be an object to them. No thanks. Otherwise, tell me what you like and I'll dye my hair!

**CopNkitten** · 03-05-2010, 07:45 PM

Any color as long as you can put it in pigtails

~~O~~

**Moorerotic** · 03-05-2010, 10:20 PM

Originally Posted by Flyboy

I guess it depends on what is meant by preferences. I prefer steak over chicken. But I still eat chicken. Some men prefer blondes. If it's a litmus test of "I'll only fuck red-heads." Then, I don't think I'd have sex with them even if I were a red-head. I'd just be an object to them. No thanks. Otherwise, tell me what you like and I'll dye my hair!

You hit the nail. The problem that "Mars & Venus" ran into on a earlier thread with a similar theme was the fact that he seems to believe that having a preference for thing A meant you had a hatred for things B, C, D, etc.

Preference means your first choice not your only choice.

I'm a huge beer lover, and I prefer Ales, especially super hoppy high alcohol IPAs. Since 80% or more of the world beer market is lagers, and easily less than 1% is super hoppy IPAs, I do ocassionally find lager going down my throat.

**CodePoet** · 03-07-2010, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by CopNkitten

Any color as long as you can put it in pigtails

~~O~~

+1 for pigtails

I don't see any problem with having a preference, and a polite 'no thank you'..
What I think is a bit over the top, is when couples get visibly offended when someone else is attracted to them.

During my second trip an attractive couple in their 50's were so flabbergasted that another couple approached them, very politely, that they [felt they] had to leave the hot tub. They left muttering "couldn't they see we were together? and they asked us to play?? ugh!"

**brightongirl** · 03-07-2010, 10:53 AM

Not shallow at all, we like what we like, doesnt stop us all getting on and having a laugh though.

**born2bnekkid** · 03-20-2010, 10:36 PM

Ok, first agendas at Hedo lead to disappointment. Second, people are more than the outer shell...yes, that is what usually attracts but it's not the person. Third, anyone who can hold a conversation, laugh and have a good time...that is worth way more than 36, 24,36...lol. Plus, as others here have said, really stunning people have a tendency to not care about the other person in the room....there are always more. No offense you stunning people. It is a generalization!! LOL

**wer2gr8tastes** · 02-19-2013, 05:29 PM

We only play with other couples that look like they do or could go to the gym. Its our preference. And we want both him & her to look that way. Its just our preference and we dont sway far from it. We are pretty particular who we will play with and so that has limited our experience, but we dont stress out about not having play with others.

**Talon** · 02-19-2013, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by wer2gr8tastes

We only play with other couples that look like they do or could go to the gym. Its our preference. And we want both him & her to look that way. Its just our preference and we dont sway far from it. We are pretty particular who we will play with and so that has limited our experience, but we dont stress out about not having play with others.

who said you have to play at all? so yes you can have your preferences. and if someone asks you and your not interested a simple no is all it takes. Weve been there 6 times and sometimes only find one couple we feel comfy with. other times we have found our selves in an orgy that just happened around us. We go with no expectations except to make friends and have fun. Plus alot of drink!
Respect

**cowgirl** · 05-13-2013, 12:33 AM

While we will chat and drink with everyone at Hedo, and try to be friends with everyone, we also look for other couples that are in relatively good shape when we are choosing swap partners! We are not Ken and Barbie, but we do work out, diet and eat right, and we want to swing with others who are in shape. Is this mean to say? Maybe, but it is the honest truth. We want to swing with people that we are attracted to, and we shouldn't have to apologize for that! Especially since many couples don't match. Many times, one of the two is in shape, but their other half isn't, so that is hard! We don't judge people but we aren't going to swing without being attracted to you.

Having said that, we have also met people that were movie star gorgeous, but were rude and stuck up, so looks and personality are important to us.
We have found that we don't fit in with a lot of swingers. Many of the guys in the lifestyle think that a beer belly is attractive, and that if I call myself a swinger, then I should want to do every guy that offers. NOT going to happen! They call me a tease for not being willing to swap with everyone. Well, I can have amazing sex with my in shape husband, so I am not going to take one for the team!!
That is why we call ourselves full-time nudists and part-time swingers. We love to get naked first and foremost. If we end up swinging while at Hedo, that is the icing on the cake.
We really want Friends with benefits, as we won't swing with people we don't click with. First, we look for couples that we are physically attracted to. We introduce ourselves and then see if we have enough in common to be friends. We spend time together at the pool and beach, and go to dinner together. Then, after the "Chemistry Check", if we are all interested, we play. Often times though, we don't all click in bed. We usually only find one couple each trip to Hedo that we full swap with!

One frustration for me is that Cowboy is in excellent shape and loves to romance me for hours. And that is how he treats the women he plays with. He likes to switch positions often, and we have lots of favorite positions. My cowboy and I have great sex together and if I am going to play, I want it to be at least as good as I already get with my man.
Unfortunately, too many guys think wham-bamm-thank-you-mam is good enough!! NOT ! If you don't know how to do anything but slam into me then I am not interested. Guys, go out and get some books and learn some techniques for pleasing women.
Cowboy has had women ask him to please teach their husbands his techniques. Well, their husbands are obviously not pleasing me either. So, sometimes it is hard to find couples to swing with that are worth the effort.
Not trying to be stuck up. We are not bedpost notchers, and we are looking for quality, not quantity!
Sorry, I will get off of my soap box now. We have been in the lifestyle for almost 7 years and we never realized how hard it would be to find couples that we really click with. Luckily we have found a nudist resort here in Texas called the OT Retreat where we can meet people every weekend. Now we are finally finding sexy couples that we want to swing with! Now we don't have to wait till our Hedo trip.

**SouthernFried** · 05-13-2013, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by MaryW

I think the "we are all beautiful people" concept comes from the experience that we find others who don't fit our preferences but we allow ourselves to get to know them and find that we are in fact attracted for different reasons despite the fact that they don't match our usual preferences.

I second this in such a big way!! I respect others choices but limitations aren't for me....I like to ride the wave and see where it takes me

**CopNkitten** · 05-13-2013, 11:36 AM

<------------ Waving

Cop..

**kandwtucson** · 05-13-2013, 03:17 PM

Wow cowgirl, I couldnt agree more! We have exactly the same issues. We wouldn't mind playing more if we could just find other couples like us!!!

**oursexysecret** · 05-13-2013, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by MaryW

It's perfectly natural to have preferences. That simply means that you are physically attracted most often to someone of a certain race, look, buld etc. Hopefully you're sensitive enough to then need more than that once you SEE someone who meets those preferences and if their personality sucks, you are no longer attracted. (unless you've got a good ball-gag handy!)

I think the "we are all beautiful people" concept comes from the experience that we find others who don't fit our preferences but we allow ourselves to get to know them and find that we are in fact attracted for different reasons despite the fact that they don't match our usual preferences.

I agree with this soooo much! At first glance our preferences may get our attention but if the personality is not there it doesn't matter a bit! If you look like a god or goddess and act like an ass no one wants to be around you anyway! When it all comes down to it none of us our perfect and everyone has a different view of what a hot body looks like. The great thing about Hedo is there is something for everyone...or not... but at the end of the day you can have an awesome vacation no matter what! Sun, Free Drinks, Laughter with New Friends...it is all fun!

**Stefbo** · 05-21-2013, 02:12 AM

Em and I have not played around with anyone at all before, but have discussed it extensively and are up for it during our upcoming trip to Hedo in Aug. We have talked about what we are both comfortable with and are very clear on this and are looking forward to exploring things if the opportunity comes up. IF something were to happen, it would be with someone we were physically attracted to and "clicked" with. This is not to say we do not enjoy the time we spend meeting and spending time with others we may not be sexually attracted to, but if we were to play, a physical attraction would be a piece of the puzzle. All that said, physical attraction comes in all sizes and shapes, so we may not be looking for some Calvin Klein model, but physical looks do come into it for us at least.