Unwritten Rules

**BYQSASHA** · 11-07-2009, 10:28 PM

Originally Posted by moorerotic

i hope you're paying these dudes, otherwise what does he get out of it. Extra appendage = sex worker. He should get paid for that nonsense.

d i t t o!

**Moorerotic** · 11-07-2009, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by Mars & Venus

Does your wife like to be called pejorative names? Do you do S&M? Do you have to play/stay together? Is anal fair game? Do I have to wear a condom for oral sex? Are either of you bi/bi-curious? Does it matter where I cum?

Perhaps the one and only unwritten rule is: Don’t expect that you can do whatever you want in a threesome/foursome without prior coordination of some sort.

If the couple is loving and respectful to each other, I would guess that they will continue to be so in bed with us. Or, if my gay-radar wasn’t going off in the couple of hours we spent naked in the hot tub together, I probably don’t need to bring it up.

The way I see it:

Name Calling: If your have to hand someone a note with "Please call my wife nasty names on it" that pretty much defeats the point. The "guest" should start with tamer name calling and calibrate from there.

A lot of you guys like to talk about pleasing the woman. One of the that doesn't please the woman, no matter what she may say to keep you happy, is a completely planned out sex act. A big part of her pleasure is the spontaneity. Turning this process into a business negotiation, saps a lot of the pleasure out of it, especially for the women.

The secret is to mix this into the conversation, and not roll it out all at once like you're reading an insurance policy.

S&M: S&M folks with any experience let you know they are into that very quickly.

Stay/Play Together: The stronger relationships, that will easily survive a category 5, don't always need to play together.

Anal: Anal requires a separate permission slip. That permission slip may be granted or denied ahead of time, or granted in the heat of the moment. If it's denied in the heat of the moment you've really screwed up. Just ask Kobe.

Condom Oral: Good question. Answers vary greatly.

Bi/Bi-Curious: Same as Condom Oral

Where to Cum: Into the condom?

Couple of hours in the hot tub? Who wants to fuck a prune?

**BMJP** · 11-12-2009, 03:50 PM

For what it is worth this thread illustrates that these situations are different for every couple and while rules are often present it often depends just as much on the immediate situation. I agree though, that things cannot and should not be planned out completely. I also agree that if anyone feels uncomfortable then things stop. In my view we have to have some connection and chemistry, if you will, otherwise it is not really going to be a very human experience. Orgasms can be obtained quite easily without much intervention. Part of the fun is the erotic human connection that makes it so delicious. We know what the obvious boundaries are for us so beyond that we see where things go and govern ourselves accordingly. Any possibilties are considered and the actual outcome depends on the direction things take. This necessitates that the couple or at least one part of the couple is clearheaded enuf to make appropriate decisons about what is safe.

B&C
DIF

**T and J** · 11-24-2009, 12:01 AM

Interesting stuff being tossed around,

We have only had the very beginning of all I have read, we are first timers to Hedo 3 in Jan 2010 and are very curious to some of the happenings and so called rules of engagement.

We have very close friends that we have played with so far and it has gone as far as f/f while m/m watch and then same bed with spouses for the finale.

We have found this to be the safe fun, although f/f/m with me once in hot tub albeit briefly as they ended up on each other bummer for me lol

My wife is very interested in all aspects of it and when we go to Hedo 3 she has an open mind but is truly a women that has to be attractive both mentally and physically to the women or the man or both.

I personally have no problems being with another man and I am not in any way interested in him with me, I just want her to be pleased and its her rules throughout not mine. She is smart and knows what will and wont work for her in this situation and I am in it for her. I dont have a problem with whether or not he is bigger or smaller, better or worse than me again from what I have read and talked about with my wife this is about her and then visa versa for the f/f/m. We have no written expectations of Hedo or what may or may not happen for us. She has to be into it either way f or m, but know this if you cannot separate that this is about the pleasure for your partner then you are in it for the wrong reason.( only my thoughts) dont hang me.

She has a list of no goes with me and they would apply to any ffm or mmf its not going to change when maybe the players do. No anal, no coming on her face, condoms when anyone else is involved. no execeptions!

I am new to this site and enjoy the minds and ideas and experiences of all who I have read. I only have 1 burning question Mars/Venus are you writing a book because your analytical questions are for an author or teacher. Your questions are thought provoking and wow you can write. I am considered to be pretty smart but I had to look up some of the words you used. This is not a slam at you in any way I am impressed is all for several reasons. You think about it and you make us think about it and man thats a really awesome combinations. I thank you

T n J

**boatlover1995** · 11-25-2009, 05:20 PM

I must say "Thank You" to everyone that posts here... The information that is presented in this forum is fantastic. I read through it at least twice a day, and Jo- joins me in reading it, alot of the threads have made us discuss alot of do's & don't want to do's, and has helped us with certain topics between us. This is going to be our first time to Hedo, we aren't "swingers", but we aren't "vanilla" either. We have "dabbled & experimented" somewhat with a few couples and had some fun, but I (Mark) would definitely like to expand our boundaries, and even through Jo- is curious, She is still hesitant. However, this thread put Jo- at ease, She has realized that it is ok to take a break, or a breather, or to say, that She is not comfortible in a cituation that may arise, and that no-one, especially me, is going to force Her, or let anyone else for that matter make Her do something that She is not ready for. It's not like someone has said previously, we won't have a laundry list of do's & dont's, and hopefully we will find another couple, or lady that we would like to explore with, and will definitely communicate with them.

**2fast** · 11-26-2009, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by boatlover1995

I must say "Thank You" to everyone that posts here... The information that is presented in this forum is fantastic. I read through it at least twice a day, and Jo- joins me in reading it, alot of the threads have made us discuss alot of do's & don't want to do's, and has helped us with certain topics between us. This is going to be our first time to Hedo, we aren't "swingers", but we aren't "vanilla" either. We have "dabbled & experimented" somewhat with a few couples and had some fun, but I (Mark) would definitely like to expand our boundaries, and even through Jo- is curious, She is still hesitant. However, this thread put Jo- at ease, She has realized that it is ok to take a break, or a breather, or to say, that She is not comfortible in a cituation that may arise, and that no-one, especially me, is going to force Her, or let anyone else for that matter make Her do something that She is not ready for. It's not like someone has said previously, we won't have a laundry list of do's & dont's, and hopefully we will find another couple, or lady that we would like to explore with, and will definitely communicate with them.

Sounds like you need to reschedule your trip to january 15th. lol
Kel

**cmelvu2** · 12-04-2009, 01:12 AM

OK, as the dreaded "Single Guy" I guess I will chime in. I have my rules for engagement also but lets be honest, it is about the ladies.

First, when the action starts to happen, I always look at the male and either ask or get the nod that what is about to happen is OK. I see it as an experience that the male also needs to be comfortable with, but once again...its about the ladies. And of course, no means NO.

Second, I have never been invited or involved with a couple there that I did not atleast have conversation with during the day, or maybe even dinner with. The fact is, the couple needs to feel comfortable with me as well as me being comfortable with them. Chances are, we have talked before anything happens anyways. Funny thing is, when I go to hedo I just wanna party and hang out. I have absolutey zero expectation of anything happening and I tell couples that too. And if something does happen well rock on! Otherwise lets drink some dirty bananas and red stripes, and I will see ya at karaoke!

Third, I am never pushy nor do I try to get in the middle of action when it is starting in say the hot tub. I must be invited and that may come from either a nod or an out right "come here". I have learned by letting the couple come to me, they feel more comfortable. It turns into a better time for all of us. And once again, no means NO!

Fourth, knowing boundries. A lot of times you can feel what a woman wants by here actions. Example, anal, if I run my finger across it and get the wrong wiggle I know that is off limits. And as far as cumming, once again, she will usually let you know what she wants. But hey, Im lucky enough to be there so cumming in the condom is just fine with me. And of course again, no means NO!

Last, know when to leave! I would never spend the night, I have my own room. Hang out and have a drink, goto dinner, what ever, but reading the language of the couple had got me here. So, continuing to read that language to tell when it is time to go.

Of course these are the basics but it has worked for me and the couples that I have been with, we had enjoyed out playtime as well as our party time at the pools too. Fellas, dont be that creepy guy at hedo...they will pick you out. This is not the place for that, however, have fun and talk to people. Be yourself and if they like you, you all will benifit.

Just my 2 cents for what its worth.

**mtoc7154** · 12-07-2009, 09:14 PM

You my friend have it down. You are observant, couteous and probably a lot of fun.......that's what's it about FUN

We are at Hedo 3 1/15 to 1/22

**crazymonkeys** · 12-09-2009, 10:10 PM

cmelvu2....I wish every single guy would read your post!!

This was the issue several times when we went in January....I hope it wont be the same this coming one as well....

guys would be suprised what would happen if they took your approach...its respectful and appropriate....and not sit in the hot tub staring at you whacking off which we had happen and then he without saying a word trying to come over and tries to cop a feel....not cool and I think I maid him understand that!!

The thing is....we have played and will play again, we are in the lifestyle although I dont really like that title....too us its not a lifestyle but something we do just for fun and too experience things together but still there needs to be respect and if nothing else the nod of approval before you just start touching.