Jealousy?

**HemmingwayFish** · 07-01-2009, 07:34 PM

I struggle with feeling jealous when other men notice my attractive wife.

She's in her 40s but looks 15 years younger and waiters are always flirting with her. It brings out the worst in me and I just dont like to think about it.

I think coming to Hedo II in October will be a good way to break through this notion but my wife thinks it's asking for trouble though she did agree to go for our anniversary vacation (8 years!). We already have our trip tickets and I want to know what to do to make it a good experience for both of us. We aren't interested in swinging just making new friends and enjoying each other.

Just a few brews and I think it will be okay?? ideas thoughts or comments?

**NickandKitty** · 07-01-2009, 08:04 PM

Well there are two ways to look at it, whether the "few beers" will make you mellow and accepting that you married a hottie, or makes you the opposite type "instant a-hole just add alcohol".
If it is the former then great- go and enjoy- be ready for the flirting, occasional touching that would be considered innocent when clothed can appear to be a little more intimate when you are au naturel. On the other hand, if you are talking to a couple and the flirting is going on between all involved... well that is something for you to consider. You may read here that people are generally good about the "no means no" thing- and it's true. Just be sure you guys talk a lot before going.
If you are the latter type, well, that presents some difficulty- it would suck to go to jamaican jail for hitting some guy who thinks exactly like you do, that your wife is a sexy desirable woman. It would ruin your vacation both for you and for her.
Remember that hedo is really just an adult disneyland and just because you do not want to go on the matterhorn and jump into swinging does not mean that enjoying the vibe on it's a small world and being flattered by the attention other men and women may pay to your wife and you is a bad thing.
Your vacation is what you choose to make it- go with the thought that your wife is attractive and is still going home with you regardless of what attempts are made to make it otherwise, and you will have a great time.
Nick (and the also sexy kitty)tm

**Gracie_ky** · 07-01-2009, 08:05 PM

Better get over the jealous part, it's not necessary! Instead relish in your wife's beauty and take it as a compliment she's going home with YOU tonight. Be proud of her!

**DezelnSteve** · 07-01-2009, 09:02 PM

Yeah, what he said, hahaha!! Hedo is a blast, but not if you're the jealous type. I third the advice given here already, be flattered that other men think you have such great taste and every time another guy checks her out (and they will...) be proud that you're the only one who gets to have sex with her.

Originally Posted by NickandKitty

Well there are two ways to look at it, whether the "few beers" will make you mellow and accepting that you married a hottie, or makes you the opposite type "instant a-hole just add alcohol".
If it is the former then great- go and enjoy- be ready for the flirting, occasional touching that would be considered innocent when clothed can appear to be a little more intimate when you are au naturel. On the other hand, if you are talking to a couple and the flirting is going on between all involved... well that is something for you to consider. You may read here that people are generally good about the "no means no" thing- and it's true. Just be sure you guys talk a lot before going.
If you are the latter type, well, that presents some difficulty- it would suck to go to jamaican jail for hitting some guy who thinks exactly like you do, that your wife is a sexy desirable woman. It would ruin your vacation both for you and for her.
Remember that hedo is really just an adult disneyland and just because you do not want to go on the matterhorn and jump into swinging does not mean that enjoying the vibe on it's a small world and being flattered by the attention other men and women may pay to your wife and you is a bad thing.
Your vacation is what you choose to make it- go with the thought that your wife is attractive and is still going home with you regardless of what attempts are made to make it otherwise, and you will have a great time.
Nick (and the also sexy kitty)tm

**GTTX** · 07-01-2009, 09:32 PM

Strongly suggest a "safe word". If you feel it coming on, just use it in a sentence, then she knows to work away from the situation.

Agree with the other comments. not the best spot to go if you will be jealous and keep it in context...

**D & C** · 07-01-2009, 09:46 PM

I also live with a hottie and I do not have an ounce of jealousy and I will tell you why. She loves me. No matter how many men or women check her out, flirt, kiss, etc, none of it has any reflection on our relationship. I am actual honored when people do flirt with her because she is so hot.

Think of it as a compliment to yourself when men and women check out your lady. Be proud and show her off. A little flirtation at the hot tub can go a long way back at the room.

Everyone at Hedo is pretty open and relaxed. If there is something or someone that you do not agree with then a simple "not interested" is usually all it takes.

**CMOTampa** · 07-01-2009, 10:07 PM

You ask what you can do to make it a good experience
To be blunt - the answer is: check the jealousy at the gate
If you can not do that then I would say that your wife is right and it may very well be asking for trouble (big trouble).
May sound harsh but you asked......
As long as you know that you two are both on the same page and she too has no desire to "venture else where" then I feel that - as the others have said - try replacing the jealousy with being flattered and see how things turn around
That said - hope you go and hope you both have a fabulous vacation
If you can't tell - this is the wifey speaking

**caughtyoulookin** · 07-01-2009, 10:39 PM

What D&C said... with my spin... Jealousy is implying an inherent lack of trust for your mate. It just ain't so, it is however insecurity at it's ugliest and it destroys relationships. Jealous and insecure men should marry ugly or at least unattractive women. That way you won't have a jealousy problem, but wait... you married a pretty woman, well, I did too. See that little avitar on the left?? that's 34D-25-34 at over 50 years of age. Guys and gals flirt with her alot. Here's the drill... You wanted a pretty gal and if you don't think she's going to attract attention, well your wrong, she attracted your attention and you knew she would attract attention going in. Remember (adds my wife

Your wife has no control over who flirts with her. Don't you dare mess with her head over it!!
Do you deserve an attactive spouse? When act like it, be confident, be self assured, and be secure. Be proud of your attactive wife and accept the others who find her attactive as a compliment, not only of her beauty, but of your good fortune.
We set definate limits as to what would and what would not be acceptable behavior before, I repeat, before we went. Your predetermined and mutually agreed limits are non-negotiable.
Hedo's a hoot and folks are going to compliment and flirt a little because it's OK and enjoyable. You're a lucky and fortunate guy (as I am), now enjoy your good fortune and Hedo.

**MaryW** · 07-02-2009, 12:12 AM

First I want to say that I am incredibly impressed with the well thought out replies to this question! Aren't Hedo people just the best?!

Repeating what's been said...if you can't overcome the jealousy BEFORE you get to Hedo it isn't the place for you to go - at this time.

I want to draw a parallel: Whether we consider Hedo a "lifestyle" resort or not (another thread) one thing is very much like the lifestyle.

Some people go into the lifestyle to "fix" a problem. Not enough sex...boredom in the relationship...imcompatible desires...etc. People who do this are playing with a time bomb about to go off. A strong and secure rlelationship is required to be happy within the lifestyle....a relationship with problems will only be magnified.

Same thing at Hedo. If you have a jealousy problem you will not fix it by going to Hedo.

That's sort of like expecting to resolve alcholism by going on a binge.

**EastWest** · 07-02-2009, 03:05 AM

Redacted

**BeachBum** · 07-02-2009, 08:17 AM

Hello in response to your question,, we have been married for 31 years and in the first 10 years of our marriage would I have went to Hedo?? Hell no, you see my husband was VERY insecure and jealous, but with alot of patience and love he FINALLY got over that shit, see if I did't want him, love him or want to spend the rest of my life with him I would not have been with him. I do not consider myself HOT far be it, but he loves me and was always thinking that I needed more, we do not, we married you guys for a reason, remember that.... As far as the jealousy issue, if you cannot control the desire to punch someone at the Mall for checking out your wife, how in the world are you gonna do it whe you both are naked??? Think about it... If you go, go with an open mind, and remember that you wife loves you, married you and most important will be going back to the room with you...
See all in Nov.

**S&C** · 07-02-2009, 09:21 AM

Hemmingway,

I am a fellow NJ person, married to another early 40 something hottie. 2 years ago I could not have imagned how comfortable I could be with other guys "hitting" on my wife. I think if everything is done with respect in mind...talking, flirting or more as long as you can make the journey together it can be great. Any journey made with an unwilling partner is not a journey worth taking...on every level.

Have you guys ever been to the nude beach on Sandy Hook. If not good place to start...nude and drinking beer.

**jw459** · 07-02-2009, 09:46 AM

Perhaps it is because my wife was dating someone else when we met, but I have never had a problem with jealousy of other men. My wife knows she has my permission and support to go as far as she wants. What we have is a "safe" phrase which means "Get me out of here, I can't stand this jerk!" at which point I will play whatever role is required to extricate her from the situation.

She is also from NJ, but we have only visited Sandy Hook once since we rarely get back there. It was rather informal clothing optional as I remember.

**woodylynn** · 07-02-2009, 10:20 AM

Wow, okay. After some thoughtfull consideration.

Hedo was by far and away the best 8 days ever! My wife and I are totally hooked.

That said, it is clearly not for everyone. The prude side of the resort has an entirely different vibe from the Nude side. Although we had the greatest time, I can see where there have been times even in our own relationship where the same trip could have been the disaster of all disasters.

I think we were a little prepared. We had been to a couple of M&G's and even a house party or two. That helped us incredibly to define our boundaries and comfort levels. Who would have thought that her issue was with me slow dancing? Myself, I blow a gasket with her getting text messages from strange phone numbers... I think everyone has some jealousy.

Now you don't have to be a lifestyler to enjoy Hedo, and even if you are, you may not even find the right chemistry to get frisky while you are there. That won't prevent you from having a good time.

Your will however be approached by couples at times. Your wife will be approached by a single guy with too much booze in him. All of this can be easily dealt with, WITHOUT knocking someones block off. Its all in the confidence and the attitude.

If a friend of mine got jealous of an overly attentive waiter, I really might sugggest Grand Lido. Right next door, nicer rooms, edible buffet, and there is still a nude beach, for the same price.

On the other hand, Hedo is the best! It might be better to do a little preperation. check out sls or aff for a meet and greet. Its nothing but an organized get together at a local bar. All hedo is, is a week long M&G where everyone has a room and noone needs to find a sitter. If you find the vibe in the bar creepy or off-putting, you will have a good idea how you will react to hedo.

Of course, if your wife is THAT hot, change your reservation to June 12 of next year! (I know, I'm a bad man!)