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Thread: Question regarding Sharing, etc

  1. #1
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    Question regarding Sharing, etc

    HI everyone,

    We have been married for 11 years and during the time we have been together have never had any type of sexual activity/contact with anyone else besides each other. Lately we have been talking about a possible 3 way () . We think it's something we can both get into (MFF) .

    Our (her) concern or question to those married is that once you venture off to that type of sexual behavior, does it have any ill effect on your marriage? Just wondering if once you start doing that , is that the only type of sex you find fulfilling and that the sex you once knew becomes mediocre.

    We have great love and respect for each other and are best of friends. We are very secure in our marriage and our "bedroom" so it's not a jealousy issue at all. We (she) has a great concern that something like this can ruin a relationship.

    Anyone have any thoughts, experience, advice??

  2. #2
    Registered User jm1974ri's Avatar
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    well whiskey its tough for me to say........ive been there with a couple "signifigant others" and although we didnt really talk all that much about it.....it just turned out bad. the biggest part of that whole thing is the understanding the two of have with the situation. if you guys have the guidelines set (we didnt) you should be ok. good luck
    i have serious

  3. #3
    Registered User Gary+Bekki's Avatar
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    If this helps, we have been married for 17 years now. been together since we were 16. We have been in the lifestyle for the last 5 years or so. We usually swing with other couples 3-4 times a year.... Personally it has enhanced our sex life by experiencing new and different sexual scenarios that you normally aren't accustomed too.................We are having the best sex of our lives (as a couple) thanks to our swinging experiences.
    April' 08 H3
    April' 09 H2
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    Dec' 09 H3
    Aug' 10 H2

  4. #4
    Registered User D & C's Avatar
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    As long as you discuss the rules before hand, find a willing 3rd and everything should be great. We may only swing a couple of times a year but we take these opportunity to try and fulfill our fantasies. It is very arousing to bring up these experience later. Remember when we did that or who we were with is a huge turn on. Our relationship is very strong and we would never loose sight of that but communication is the most important.
    Naked forever, DIF.

  5. #5
    Registered User CopNkitten's Avatar
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    Every couple is different, so there is no way to say how it will affect you.
    But as a basic rule of thumb, if you have a solid marriage, it very well could enhance what you have.
    If you have a rocky marriage to start, it could very well ruin what you have.

    Talk about it before, and talk about it after, and Never be affraid to say "stop" while doing it, if either of you is uncomfortable.
    Paul....
    Co-Hosts of kitten + angel's 15th Annual Spring Fling April 9th - 16th, 2022 (We will be onsite 4/7/22 - 4/18/22) http://www.kittennangel.com/

  6. #6
    Registered User bonjovi823's Avatar
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    This is a topic I am very familar with. I work out of Scranton, Pa as a marriage/sex therapist. It's not as thrilling as it sounds. What happens to a couple is that when they get "bored" of the same sexual acts, they tend to either want more or tend to break up. When a couple wants more, they might suggest bringing in someone else into the bedroom. The problem with this is that now you share you most intimate moments with a third person. The third person may not have any personal connection with either of you, however-a personal connection can evolve/develop during sexual activity. I have counseled MANY couples who after having a threesome either broke up, or 1 of the persons from the couple developed feelings for the person in the third party.

    You may think because it's (MFF) that noone will develope feelings. However, you very well can towards the other women that you will share your experiences with. Ask yourself this question.. once your spouse gets tired of the (MFF), what is going to stop her from wanting an (MMF). Then would you be able to handle another person having sex with your wife? Would you be able to look at her the same? It's a difficult road that I suggest you do not follow. If you do follow it, be prepared to spend thousands of dollars on therapy and speak to people like me. Truly, that is not what you want. Enjoy each other because you never know what you have until it's gone.

  7. #7
    Registered User jw459's Avatar
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    Whiskey: We are in a similar situation. My wife has been getting more and more daring at various resorts, including nude "dirty dancing", a little intimate touching in the hot tub, public streptease, etc. Our conversations though seem to be one sided, in that I repeatedly reminder her that she can go as far as she wants and I will not mind. She usually nods and says "we'll see what happens." She is considerably younger than I am, and so far her experimenting has definately inhanced her response with me.

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    Thanks for all the posts, I'm new with this Hedo stuff and even web site posts. Thanks you for your comments.

  9. #9
    Registered User HedoJoe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CopNkitten View Post
    But as a basic rule of thumb, if you have a solid marriage, it very well could enhance what you have.
    If you have a rocky marriage to start, it could very well ruin what you have.
    We think Paul is spot on. We have been married for 25 years now. We used to do what I would call vacation playing. She never wanted to play at home for fear she would run into someone she knows. After our last trip in March, she decided that if she ran into someone at home, then they were doing the same thing and who cares. We have found a couple that we now regard as very good friends (with benefits) who live about 2 miles from us in the same town who go to the same church as us. What I am getting at is that our marriage is rock solid and we are very secure in our relationship together. We know that at the end of the night (or early the next morning) we are going home together. Our times together are now so much more intense and we look forward to getting together with friends as well which enhances what we have even more. If you have questions in your mind about having a FMF while at Hedo, it is best to talk about them well in advance of leaving. If you still have doubts about doing it, you aren't ready.

    Joe & Ellen

  10. #10
    Registered User Xceptional's Avatar
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    Be on the same page. And about those 3-ways...

    Yes, it is SO important for the couple to be on the same page. And things may (will) evolve, be sure you both are okay with how it's turning out every step of the way. It helps if the couple has been together for a while and are VERY SECURE in their r'ship.

    But BTW, and the reason we chimed in here for our first post: There is a MAJOR supply & demand imbalance with couples seeking another F for a FMF 3-way. That's of course why single swinger women are referred to as "Unicorns".

    Now, we have been fortunate to have met a few. Helps that Wife here is exceptionally proportioned in a way that appeals to women (25 inch waist, 105 lb. weight, small boobs). And yeah Husband (me typing now) exceptionally well built (NOT "hung", sorry!) too. But really the percentages are low. Easier to hire one, but of course only where it's legal, LOL! (Nevada outside of Las Vegas; Prague, Amsterdam, etc.)

  11. #11
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    Paul and Joe are right, if your relationship is solid and secure the chance of problems are greatly reduced when another person enters the mix. We are married over 25 yrs. and we are very secure in our relationship. I would have no problem at all with my wife getting into some soft swapping with another guy. I would love to see her get her tits sucked and played with by other guys. Having her suck another cock and have a threesome with me fucking her while she sucks another cock is my main fantasy. I would really love to see her give another guy a BJ like she gives me, long and deep.

  12. #12
    Registered User CopNkitten's Avatar
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    Im with you LNRyno. Though we are full swap swingers and like a little of everything, the one thing that really turns me on is watching her suck another guy. MMMMMM. And shes sooooo damn good at it also,

    Paul....
    Peek at your own risk

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    Last edited by CopNkitten; 08-06-2009 at 09:45 AM.
    Co-Hosts of kitten + angel's 15th Annual Spring Fling April 9th - 16th, 2022 (We will be onsite 4/7/22 - 4/18/22) http://www.kittennangel.com/

  13. #13
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    Joe and Paul, Does full swapping really make your sex together that much better? Or does your sex together just get futher outside of the box (more outrageous)? We're really curious to see if even soft swapping would enhance our sex together. There have only been a few couples that we've met (in the 5 trips to Hedo II and III) that seem interested in any kind of play. Maybe because my wife is not flirty couples don't ask.
    Single men talk to her and make there comments to her but not couples. I think she's pretty hot (great tits) maybe I'm a bit jaded. I even did body shot of rum cream over her tits and then to her pussy, nobody offered to help. What to do.
    There's a great pic. of her in red fishnet in our member photo album.
    Last edited by LNRyno; 07-15-2009 at 08:16 PM.

  14. #14
    Registered User HedoJoe's Avatar
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    For us, it makes our times alone together even more intense. Since we have gotten into swinging at home, the sex has gotten more spontaneous, she has become more of a flirt and an exhibitionist and has even opened her mind to getting a piercing (below the ears). When we were at Hedo, she received so many compliments from women & men alike on her breasts and her body in general. That was a big confidence booster and made her think that maybe she really was attractive (I'm supposed to tell her that so what I say doesn't count). She was not flirty by any means. Are you sure that people were alive when you were at Hedo? When we were there last, whenever anyone did body shots, people would move around and jump in. Hell, I would have helped you out!

    Our vacation play and initially what we started to do once back home this year was soft swap. At home, we meet couples through several different web sites (send me a PM if you want to know which ones). Through those sites, we have met people for soft swap and have made the move to full swap. We do not look for one night stands, but rather we prefer friends with privileges. If we know that we are getting together with friends on a Saturday, our whole week is like living on a sexual high together. Before we got involved in the lifestyle, our nights for the most part were dull and dreary.

    Again, of you have any questions, PM us.

    Joe (& Ellen)

  15. #15
    Registered User MaryW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bonjovi823 View Post
    This is a topic I am very familar with. I work out of Scranton, Pa as a marriage/sex therapist. It's not as thrilling as it sounds. What happens to a couple is that when they get "bored" of the same sexual acts, they tend to either want more or tend to break up. When a couple wants more, they might suggest bringing in someone else into the bedroom. The problem with this is that now you share you most intimate moments with a third person. The third person may not have any personal connection with either of you, however-a personal connection can evolve/develop during sexual activity. I have counseled MANY couples who after having a threesome either broke up, or 1 of the persons from the couple developed feelings for the person in the third party.

    You may think because it's (MFF) that noone will develope feelings. However, you very well can towards the other women that you will share your experiences with. Ask yourself this question.. once your spouse gets tired of the (MFF), what is going to stop her from wanting an (MMF). Then would you be able to handle another person having sex with your wife? Would you be able to look at her the same? It's a difficult road that I suggest you do not follow. If you do follow it, be prepared to spend thousands of dollars on therapy and speak to people like me. Truly, that is not what you want. Enjoy each other because you never know what you have until it's gone.
    I just HAVE to address this. I'm very "familiar" with this as well as I've actually experienced it. As have many people on this forum and around the world.

    I cannot believe a professional would make a blanket statement that you will end up in therapy if you participate in a 3-some!

    Obviously as a therapist you see the people who have problems with it. I dont' suppose the ones who successfully enjoy the lifestyle come and pay you to tell you that they are enjoying it and happy!

    We've had 3-somes and as many have said here, if your marriage is solid, it will not cause problems. In fact, you MAY develop feelings for someone else IF you have an ongoing relationship with them, but if your PRIMARY relationships is strong then that relationship will prevail.

    Your number one priority is your significant other - no matter WHAT happens among the 3 of you. No matter what feelings develop...then you either walk away or consider a poly relationship...but the fact is you must always be able to walk away and many people do. Of course, many/most do not! It's not easy if it happens, but being without your SO is always the most important outcome.

    It doesn't always end in a disaster...but then there had to be a problem within your relationship to begin with. Some lack of fullfilment that someone else was able to overshadow.

    This can happen with ANY aspect of the lifestyle, including soft and full swap.

    To the OP....talk and talk until you've exhausted every possible scenario, feelings, outcomes that you can think of. Be prepared for anything and keep close contact with each other.

    Constantly making eye contact during any encounter - having some signal between you that one of you is uncomfortable. Always agree to stop, no matter how hot the situation is, if one of you is not enjoying the moment.
    Last edited by MaryW; 07-16-2009 at 09:47 AM.

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