Making Rules & What Ifs...

[JAnewbies]

I was prompted to create this thread by some of our newbies and I think it's a great idea.

To enlighten the newbies (as much as possible) about the exciting possibilities and situations that Hedo can offer, let's discuss pre-trip discussions that need to had with your mates about what may come up and how to handle it.

I will start with a few examples (very basic I might add) and everyone jump in with questions, comments and additions of their own.

This thread will be a great way to ask "what if" and "what about" and "how to" and so forth.

Let's start with this:

BEFORE getting to Hedo, I don't suggest a huge set of rules like some do. I think it's better to have a small list of "not-to-do's"... Because you can never really know what is going to come up. I like to suggest the "take it as it comes" technique, with pre-trip limits set, so that anything "up to" a certain point is OK with you and your mate.

Example #1: You may be wanting to play around with another couple, but neither you, or your mate is OK with either of you having full intercourse with another person. Your agreed limits for each other may be that kissing, oral and hands are OK, but inercourse is off limits. "A" and I are not swingers, but I believe this is refered to as a "soft swap."

Example #2: You may also have a requirement that any "action" must take place when you and your mate are together. Sounds simple, but this means that you don't so much as grab a boob, or an ass cheek (lol)... unless your mate is with you.

The fact is, you can't talk everything out before you go, because you don't know what's going to come up, but you can certainly have concrete rules about absolute limits that keep you both from ever having to say "I had no idea that was a no no."

Nothing at all may come up, or you may be faced with decisions 2-4 times a day. It all depends on the crowd.

[Amanda&Gradie]

JA you are on the ball!! lol I read the post from newhedovigins requesting you start this thread, and have been looking forward to it! I think you are absolutely right about a small list of "not to do's" rather than anything else. It seems to us that as long as you don't cross any big no-no lines with your partner, than the unknown is a little more comfortable. I know we've been in situations where we did the reverse-list of "can do" things and it left a little too much of a gray area. Besides, you can always revise your "do-nots" if you both find you are enjoying a certain thing

[raeje]

Besides, you can always revise your "do-nots" if you both find you are enjoying a certain thing

One thing we've talked about though is not revising the do nots in the heat of the moment. We will only revise them if we are talking alone and we are sober. It may not be the sexiest thing to do, but the stability and health of our marriage is the most important thing.

[Amanda&Gradie]

One thing we've talked about though is not revising the do nots in the heat of the moment. We will only revise them if we are talking alone and we are sober. It may not be the sexiest thing to do, but the stability and health of our marriage is the most important thing.

I couldn't agree more. I didn't mean revise AS you were enjoying! LOL I guess I should have been more specific. You're dead right. You have to be in a sober state of mind, that way there are no regrets

[carl/barbie]

prior to going i firmly recommend the setting of rules.the key is,not only are you going as a couple you must "return "as a couple.rules will accomplish this. mix nudity and alcohol and problems can arrise. my wife and i know prior to going what is and is not allowed of the other.we enjoy watching and being watched,either openly or behind door.this said ,the key to having the trip of your life is communiactaing before getting there.we have had the time of our lives while there,because we know our boundries.anyone with the like mind feel free to look us up, we are your down to earth couple and love each other and like to have fun together and we would never condem anyone else for doing their own thing. have fun and enjoy. we only go thru this life once so take it all in.

[EastTnCouple]

Absolutely, everyone needs to make the "rules" between the partners the first priority. Hedo is a very magical place, and the epitome of the perfect vacation! But it can also be the perfect place to ruin a relationship in a heartbeat. Both need to talk it over before arrival, and make sure and keep a close and watchful eye on your partner while there. Nudity, alcohol, and the surroundings (they are wonderful) can also lead to disaster if not watched closely. There are so many wonderful people there, that everyone will have a blast in the best way...but there are also those there that you cannot trust (there are not always those there, but be aware it is possible). Many times there, just as out in the "real world", there are those that do not honor or respect the words of others. Never rely on a "word of mouth" to be respected, because to a few people out there do not respect this. Hedo is the perfect place to enjoy and have the time of your life in every respect...if respect is followed. The people for the most part are wonderful, and will be lifelong friends. They are to be treasured and admired. Just go, enjoy, and have the best vacation of your life...just make sure to keep a constant eye out for yourself and your partner. There are those out there that are predators and have no personal respect...but they are in every day life out in the world also. Make rules, follow, love and respect each others wishes, look out for one another, and have the week that will be remembered forever!

[JAnewbies]

Somebody asked in another thread, what are some examples of things that you need to discuss before you go... in regards to sexual play situations. Here is an example, or two:

I once saw a couple at Hedo and I think they were thinking of Hedo as regular nude beach. I believe they had been to nude beaches before and used that experience for choosing Hedo.

From what I understand, most nude beaches are just like every beach around the world where you are simply "at the beach," only nude. Imagine the last time you were at a regular beach. How many strangers did you interact with? Probably very few. Now, imagine most nude beaches being just like that, except you are nude.

The point I am making, is that regular beach, means regular beach and nude beach, means regular beach + nude.

This couple had partied all night with some other people and next thing you know the husband gets out of the hot tub to go get drinks. He comes back and his wife is making out and stroking this other guy in the hot tub. This was apparently NOT OK with the husband and there was a huge fight between them. They ended up leaving the hot tub and we only saw them at lunch from a distance one other time before they left, which was several days later. The wife had had too much to drink, as had the husband. The people they were hanging out with were nice, but they didn't know the couple very well and the wife making out with the guy just happened as sometimes will with very drunk naked people (lol)...

This obviously ruined their trip, because we never saw them at the pool, or hot tub the rest of their vacation. I assume they spent it in their room arguing, or dividing up assets.

Remember this. Hedo is absolutely not a regular nude beach/resort. People at Hedo are there for the sexual atmosphere. People are naked, partying and getting drunk, watching sexual activity, being watched while having sex and many there to have sex with other people. People don't go to Hedo, just trying to avoid tan lines.

Now, with that said, you are there to do what you want and you shouldn't ever feel pressure to do anything more than that. But the limit at most nude beaches is being drunk and nude. The limits at Hedo can escalate to getting drunk with 10 people, while dancing in the disco, ending up in the hot tub at 2:00am, and being able to watch other people have sex 2 feet in front of you, then you and your mate swapping with another couple and each having sex while 20 other people watch you.

The thing to be aware of is that the Hedo buffet can be quite large, depending on who is there when you are.

Discuss things like sexual activity with others. Is it OK?... Is it not? If one of you has an opportunity when the other doesn't. is it OK to take advantage of that opportunity, even if it's just a kiss? Jealously is a bitch, so don't do anything that will make the other jealous.

Hedo can be enjoyed if you are just there to soak up the atmosphere and get each other fired up to be with each other and it can be enjoyed to the levels mentioned above. The good thing is that you choose for yourself, so in closing... cover the what ifs and know what to do, or as I like to say... what NOT to do...

[Jen&derek]

When I go to Hedo 2, I go there with the approach that I want Jen to have such a good time, that she definitely wants to return. Using that tactic, I usually am able to hit the mark of making sure she feels secure and appreciated during our visits. It has worked well so far, and we are going back this March for the fourth time.
We also talk in advance about what won't work for her, and I stick with it and over time, as she feels more secure, some things may change but I don't want to take a chance in her having a terrible time because of something I did.

[JAnewbies]

Question: Do you both follow identical rules, or do you allow her more flexibility?

I know many guys let their girls (especially where GG is concerned) do things that it's not OK if they do.

I ask this question, because it's common at Hedo and it's a good topic to cover for the newbies...

[Wyoswift]

JA this is a great thread. We started discussing this somewhat the other night but you starting this thread is diving straight into the questions and concerns that every newbie has. I do believe that even if you have boundaries in place prior to your visit you still need to continually communicate with your partner during your visit. The story you told earlier about the husband walking up on the wife to me is definately a case of no communication.

I also feel that you had better have a secure enough image of yourself as to not let your partner getting more attention or vice versa affect your relationship and communication. From what I can see the couples that are completely trusting, and honest with each other have the best experiences.

[2Sensual]

Remember this. Hedo is absolutely not a regular nude beach/resort. People at Hedo are there for the sexual atmosphere. People are naked, partying and getting drunk, watching sexual activity, being watched while having sex and many there to have sex with other people. People don't go to Hedo, just trying to avoid tan lines....

I beg to differ as not all Hedo Guests are there for the sexual atmosphere as there are different aspects to enjoy at the resorts...yes the majority are but not all.

And wouldn't it be cool to say that you establish "boundaries" (as used by Wyoswift) or even "guidelines" prior to playing than set "rules" ? We all know rules are meant to be broken!

Happy Hedo New Year to You All!

[caeled]

Some go for the towls

*wink*

[Blueeyes12]

I will agree with 2sensual.....sorry JA....But there are several types of people that go to hedo. Of course the swingers, but there are nudists, who do not swing, but are ridding themselves of tanlines, and people who like to just party! And, do not forget abot the people who did not know what they were getting into!!! ha ha They did not know what the resort was about....now that is funny! Sex is in the atmosphere and it is a very sexual place! It always enhances our sex life. The ocean sounds, the wind off the ocean, the warmth, the alcohol, the sexy nude people, the sounds and sights of other people having sex or being romantic.....naughty games (Body Shots) with complete strangers sometimes.....Most are there for sex with their spouses rekindling a flame or to have sex with other peoples spouses or the singles, but some people are there just to get away. I wish I was there right now!!!!


Blue

[luv2luvhedo]

I have to agree with Bobby and 2sensual, JA. People go to Hedo for many different reasons. Remember, the beauty of Hedo is a non-judgemental atmosphere regardless of the reason(s) one goes!

Le Ann

[JAnewbies]

Hey... I love being corrected. It's how I keep myself "right" all the time (lol)...

I need to respond though:

Bobby speaks the truth. Some DIDN'T know what they were getting themselves into. Hard to believe this happens with all the info out there... but it does. Maybe I should clarify and say that people who are knowledgeable about Hedo... go for the sexual atmosphere. I am too lazy to re-read everything I have said, but to clarify a bit... my point is that whether you are there for each other, or swinging, or a great tan, you HAVE INDEED, chosen Hedo for the sexual atmosphere.

To be brutally honest, if it were not for the sexual atmosphere, why in the heck would you choose Hedo. I know it's not the rooms, the food, the towel availability, the lush setting, the great beaches, etc...

Maybe my statements were too broad. I didn't mean to imply that everyone was seeking to "participate" in Hedo "activity."

Example: I like when me and "A" go out, for us to go to a relatively classy and lively place. I like a band playing, even if I don't remember a single song I heard after we leave. I like a bar that serves top notch drinks and has an extensive wine list, even if I just have a regular drink. I like a great menu, even though I usually just get side item vegetables. I like vallet parking, even though I can park just 50 feet from the front door.

The thing is... and stay with me here... People go to Hedo, because of all the things that are going on. Just like with the places we go when we go out... I am not there for the food, the music, the parking, or the fancy wine. I am there to be with "A" and that's it, BUT... I want all that stuff in the background. It enhances my time with her. We could sit at home, or go to Burger King and be "with" each other, but all the other stuff, makes it a better atmosphere, more romantic, more pleasant and everything else including "special."

Hedo makes the time with your mate special. I didn't say you have to partake of the "stuff." I just said people go there, because the "stuff" is there. I like the stuff.

Now, if I wanted the same high calibur stuff for our vacation, like the stuff I like when we go out, then I wouldn't go anywhere in Jamaica and yes... I am including all resorts in Jamaica. Jamaica is not plush. If you think it is... talk to a travel agent and try some other places. I get called redneck a lot, because my idea of a sports car includes a Pontiac Firebird (lol)... but even old redneck "J" knows that Jamaica ain't plush.

High end is Hawaii, Caymen, parts of the Bahamas, Belize and so forth. You can go to these places for about the same money, but I go to Hedo for the "sexual stuff."

OK... I have left enough on the table here for the dogs to fight over. Next...