Questions re sex at hedo

[curious_girl]

Hi there! It's my first trip to a Hedo resort (heading to H3 solo on April 26-May 3) and I'm sooo excited! However I have no experience with possible swinging/lifestyle. So I don't really know what's acceptable to ask for, etc in those types of situations. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't even know how to instigate one of "those types" of situations!! lol!

My main reason for this vacation is to let loose and have a much fun as possible, but I'd also like to see if I'm interested in getting intimate with a couple, perhaps a woman (lots of other options have cum to mind as well!!).

So my questions are; 1)Safe sex? Do most people practice it? I do, and was wondering if I would get strange looks for asking for it? And how "safe" do I need to go? The whole dental dam thing intimidates the hell out me!!

2)How to let someone (or a couple) know that I'm interested? Last thing I want to do is offend anyone (and to be honest, I'm feeling a little vulnerable, this being a first for me, and worried that whomever I'm interested in will run away screaming or laughing!! )

So any words of wisdom for this Hedo Virgin (and very uninitiated to so many things!) to help her first time along would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers!

natasha

[nv_couple03]

Natasha,
Good questions and I hope that we can shed some light on them and help.

On safe sex - Safe sex is very much the norm in our experiences. One the occasions that you see sexual acts taking place without the use of a condom it is more than likely between the couple that have the long term relationship or are married.

As for the dental damns - We have never used them but it would depend on your comfort with the person you are using them with. We have not had an experience where someone has asked for one to be used but would not be offended. A big part of making your first experience good is the comfort. Do what you are comfortable with.

Expressing interest - First of all change your trip to June and we will make certain that you do not experience rejection...lol. On a serious note, Hedonism is a very open place and most of the time when we have been approached it has been a very casual "What are you in to?". We have also had some more aggressive invitations and tend to turn those down. We are not aggressive and seem to gravitate to the same type of people. Sometimes it turns into a waiting game to see who will ask first.

In this environment you will find that the conversation of sex will come up as you meet people and get to know them. That is usually a good time to feel them out (pun intended) and see if your interest match. Took a look at your profile and doubt you will have to try hard to find anyone interested.

The most important advice of all we could give is to relax and allow "Hedo to happen" for you. You will know when it is right and if you focus too much on the possible negative outcomes it will take away from the experience. When we were new (getting ready for our 6th trip) we worried about the same thing. Took a couple of days to really relax and then we had a blast. Hope this helps. Have a blast, be safe and find out when we are going next time before you book..

[curious_girl]

What a fabulous response! Thanks so much for your reply and honesty. I think a large part of people's apprehensions come from societal views of what is "right" and what is "wrong". I'm 38 yrs old and have spent most of my adult life doing what was right; going to school, having a career, marriage and a son. Now it's my time (the divorce happened about 10 yrs ago!) I'm really hoping that this trip will be a bit of a liberating experience for me, where I can get away from the ideas and values that are imprinted on us for most of our lives. That, and get a great tan, try a "dirty banana" (I keep reading about them, can't wait to try one, have no idea what's in it!!), and hopefully make out and get it on with a few people!! Lol!!

I think your advice of relaxing and letting "Hedo happen" sounds great. And worse case scenario, if nothing does happen for me, I'll just have to book another trip to meet up with you guys in June!

So if there are any people out there willing to give me some coaching on how to "initiate" things, and how to tie a toga, let me know! I'll be there as of April 26th!

[DezelnSteve]

I, too, suck at initiating! I will be watching this thread closely to see what advice is offered! 4 more sleeps for me!!!
d

[Notsureyet]

A few interesting points to add .

1. The only safe sex is watching. Since that is not likely, all you can do is minimise your level of risk.

2. When at Hedo II in August, we often saw oral sex without the use of condoms. People will tell you that this is safe, but at best it is low risk. Deep body fluids are considered to be at highest risk for transmission, and semen and blood are high on that list. Saliva is not, and the oral digestive tract is pretty safe as long as it is not comprimised. So, if you have even the smallest dental problem, any kind of sore on the face, lips or in the mouth, or even GERD with esophegeal erosions, take care not to come in contact with another's body fluids.

3. No piece of ass is worth dying for. So, as the sayings go, "No glove no love" and "Wrap that Rascal" should be tatooed on your forehead, your Mons, and just over the top of the crack of your ass so someone can read it if there is any question.

4. How do you let someone know you're interested.... Let nature take its course. I did have a friend who was pretty suscessful with the opening line of "Do you want to fuck?"

Enjoy your time. Everyone should

Peter

[luv2luvhedo]

Hey Curious Girl....I am a single female (divorced several years) and started going to hedo III 7 yrs ago, by myself! My last vacation there was over New Year's and then I was a "guest" back in Feb. for one night (hard to do when you are used to staying there). YOU WILL HAVE A BLAST--it is a very relaxing atmosphere, noone pushes you into anything. As everyone else says, just have fun and be yourself. I have ALWAYS met the best people on my trips down there and everytime I go, I go myself!

And, just for the record, PRACTICE SAFE SEX. F____ someone if they don't want to and you do--Peter said it best--noone is worth your own life!! HAVE FUN AND MAKE SURE YOU SAY HELLO TO ANDRE (night shift bartender at nude pool).

[curious_girl]

Awesome messages folks! Yeah, the safe sex thing is pretty big for me considering I have the most amazing son waiting for me at home. I was just curious to see if this practice had become second nature to the swinging lifestyle. I love Peter's suggestion of a "no glove, no love" tattoo on my bum! .....So should I be packing 1 pkg or 2 of condoms for this trip!! lol!

As for initiating, well, I'm still nervous as hell! It seems that the direct approach is the best one (from everyone's suggestion), but I have to admit I would really love that my first experience be at the instigation of a more experienced couple (sounds like a fantasy in the making!). Well, I've always been pretty friendly, and have been told that I have a nice smile, so who knows where that will lead me!

Thanks for all the advice. If there are any other thoughts out there on either safe sex or how a rookie like me can get it on, let me know!!

Cheers!

natasha xx

[JnD]

Curious_girl,
We had an experience on our first trip that only happened because of the advances (on the disco dance floor) of the other couple. We had been curious if something would happen and were shocked that it did. It happened in large part from the way wife dressed at the disco... very sexy/slutty.
As for when you're already nude... I'd say just make friends and then flirt with the couples you're interested it.

[LNRyno]

This is interesting. I would like to give BJ's to other men and my husband would realy like it alot. How do I find out who's interested with better halves that don't mind. How safe is it to suck a dick?

[nv_couple03]

Natasha,
Disclaimer **This is our opinion only and may not be shared by all**

Little more advice on the "expressing interest" part. First of all the direct approach will work best but too aggressive and direct may actually have the opposite effect. Expressing that you find a couple attractive is usually enough to get the conversation started.

Another observation is that women are in complete control in these situations. It might be best to speak to the female half of the couple and "work" on her first. It is an interesting dynamic and is much easier to create a level of comfort for all of you through the female. This is not a sexist view but just generally seems to be the way things work. If the woman is not interested, the couple is not interested. Again, just our experience and might be different for others.

Just hang out and get to know people. You will be surprised at how things just come together for you.

[Jhett]

This has been a great thread to follow. My love (Terry) and I (Jhett) are hopefully headed to Hedo II on July 31. We would like to try (at the very least) three ways or perhaps soft swing. Terry has past experience in this....I don't....and being a bit on the shy side, this thread provides some very good advice. Is there a better time/week to go that offers the type of action we are looking for? Jhett

[Triplethefun]

we will full swap, but we bring our own supply of condoms just in case someone doesn't "happen to have one" on them and thinks that will get them anywhere.

we also talked with each other when we initially came into the lifestyle that BJs would also use condoms. That works just fine for me because I have a really difficult time tackling the texture - but we've kinda gotten away from that recently. Could be because we end up with the same group of people and most of them are soft swap only - so we're counting on them also being a safer community.

you will find that most people in the lifestyle usually require protection when doing full swap (plus cleanup is easier!) and those who don't use condoms only full swap within a set group of people known to them.

If i have my suspicions that someone is using, I'm probably not going to be close enough in that situation to have to worry about using/not using protection.

here's the thing....you need to do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel you need to use dental dams....DO IT. If you need to use condoms....DO IT.

the person who tries to talk you out of it is not a person you want to be with. It's kinda like those boys in high school - "If you loved me, you do it".

IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU WOULDN'T ASK ME TO.

replace "loved" with respect - and you'll find in the lifestyle community, that most people will afford you that.

diane

[NakedGunny]

Would someone please give a clear concise definition of "soft swap". It seems that prety clear that "hard swap' is a full swap of partners.

[curious_girl]

Really interesting discussion here. Thanks again to all that have contributed. It seems to me from what I'm reading, that there is more respect within the lifestyle/swinging community than in the "prude" (for lack of a better term) one. I don't know that I've met that many men (or women) in my pre-hedo life, that have afforded each other as much respect and openness as what I've seen/read here. Not to say that I think everyone I meet will be as cool as the people I've been reading about! I'm sure there are those out there that are not so scrupulous, but it seems to me that there is an existing camaraderie that is fairly rare elsewhere. Am I totally off on this?

Ok, now for a really embarrassing question (but I'm sure someone else out there will benefit as well!)... If it were to get to the point that I would want to use a dental dam, how on earth would I be positioning it (ok, I'm turning red right now at my naivete!). Do you cover everything up (kinda like a condom) and hope the person feels something through all that latex, or do you leave certain, ahem, strategic bits out? OMG, I can't believe I just asked that!!! lol!! Well, I guess if I can ask that, I can get nude in front of a whole bunch of people! At least I'll be able to give my son some practical advice when he gets a bit older (not telling him of course how I got it!!).

Once again, thanks for your honesty, and above all, humour!!

Natasha xx

[Triplethefun]

sorry, curious, never used one personally but have done research....you can make them from a condom - just cut the tip off with small scissors, and run a slit down longways to form a square/rectangle. You can use cheap flavored ones for this purpose. Place it over the area where your tongue will be and go to town. Lube on the receiver side will make it a little more sensitive.

these work well for both the front and the rear!

...and as far as acceptance in a community, i love the lifestyle! open minded is definitely a plus, because there is more than two of us in my current relationship, we haven't been in too many lifestyle events where people shunned us....but we have had people in our own community think we are f*cked up.

...mind you, these are couples who are having problem marriages, and think the whole poly thing means you're cheating. If they only had the communication network in their relationship that we have to have in order to keep three people on track, they'd probably have a working marriage in the first place.

to each his own! and btw Curious....both my teenagers know that we have this relationship. My son accepts it but doesn't talk about it. He's quite friendly with both my partners and involved with their children. My daughter knows a lot more (girls usually do), talks openly about it with her friends, and just accepts it as my way of living. You can teach him as you go along that some people are a little more open than others. He'll take his cue from your attitude.

diane