Considering the "What ifs"

[sanjuanduo]

We posted this on the Bar forum, but it appears that we will get more responses on this forum.


We are heading to Hedo 2 in mid-May. We've read numerous posts about the importance of a couple setting their boundaries before going in order to avoid jealousy, trouble, arguments, resentment etc. arising from participating in some of the "play" and other sexual activities that occur at Hedo. This is proving very difficult to do in the abstract while sitting on our couch at home. Although some activites are an easy yes or no for us, other "What ifs" are proving more problematic to decide. As we read more posts, we realize that we have not even thought about many activities that might arise, like body shots with someone other than your spouse, underwater groping/hand jobs in the pool (giving and getting), bump and grind dirty dancing with another person, certain PDAs etc. Its hard to discuss all the what ifs when we are unaware of many of them. We are not trying too be anal about this (no pun), but we do want to do the process thoughtfully so at minimze the chances of damaging our great marriage and maximize our fun. For us, simply going to Hedo with a few loose boundaries and waiting to decide about others until they arise (likely after a few drinks) seems risky.

So, we have five questions on which we'd appreciate your input upon:

1) examples of the variety of less obvious "what ifs" that may arise for us either individually and as a couple.

2) which "what ifs" you see that prove not to troublesome for newbie couples like us that are fairly unbashed and adventurous, but not into swinging.

3) which "what ifs" (besides swinging) have you seen causing the most problems with newbies (before or after the activity).

4) common "what if" boundaries that you see newbies toss ot the window once they arrive at Hedo

5) any advice, besides talking openly and honestly, as to types of questions or topics that might be helpful in working through this process.

thanks

[mickster]

What ifs?
Nobody has your answer other than yourselves. If you want an ongoing happy relationship work it out honestly so that all needs are met or all threats are kept away. Jealosy and insecurity are relationship killers as is any appreciation of mistrust. Fantasies are funny things and tend to get wilder over time. In theory it may be considered ideal to make sure your partner gets off any way they wanna, but few regular folk can handle it over the long haul. If you want relative safety follow the straight and narrow, average folk are not gonna do well with significant variations from it. I'd suggest that if you're young and have kids, if you're not both right now desperately seeking to boink some strangers for a few shared laughs and then go home together, take it easy, don't go somewhere you cant step back from before damage is done. You got time to figure yourselves out before you break something you cant fix.

Mickster

[Justeasy]

chances of damaging our great marriage and maximize our fun.

If it is really great, you wont have any problems. Sounds like you have done more than your homework, and all will be fine. Have a great time.

[curious72]

I think you're over-thinking it. First nobody here can tell you where/how to set your boundaries, because we don't know you, your history, or your communication style. Second, trying to set rules for every possible contingency just seems like a waste, considering that once you get down there, have a few drinks, and loosen up, some of those 'what ifs' may disappear. In the meantime, you'll chase your tails and end up sounding like a Dr. Seuss book: "Would you do it in the bath? Would you do it while on hash?" I will say this though: if you're seriously concerned that there is a potential to damage your marriage, don't go. Hedo isn't for everyone. In fact, Hedo isn't for most people. But it's the greatest place on Earth for the people who get it (And I'm not saying that you don't). Enjoy yourself...things happen yes, but it's a weird vibe man. You'll feel it as soon as you get there, and you'll know what to do.

[kandh]

Do you 100% truly trust your wife, trust that she loves you and is committed to a life with you? Do you know that no matter who she meets, where ever she is, that in the end (punny guy!) she is still with you? If so, stick together at Hedo and let her lead the way. Remember Rule #1 - If she ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Rule #2 - See Rule #1.

If you are a bit uncertain about commitment, jealousy, etc., then still go to Hedo - but don't play with others.....you will still have a great time.

We meet the criteria in the first paragraph but followed the rules in the 2nd paragraph (well, mostly anyway - ). Not necessarily on purpose, it just turned out that way. And we can't wait 'til next time!

[mickster]

"Would you do it in the bath? Would you do it while on hash?" Hahaha! too funny dawg!!!
How 'bout:
Can we do it in a steeple? Can we do it with other people?

Tendency is for youth to seek quantity while experience tends towards quality. Twas Stalin said that quantity has a quality all its own. Geez this is confusing! What can it all mean?

The folks say that Hedo's for freaks.
See ya there!

Mickster

[Trouble]

My wife and I recently went to H2 for the first time over Velentines. We discussed all the possibilities before we went and decided what each of us was comfortable with. After the first two days, she (the wife) had commented that all the open sex (and there was a lot of it) was actually a turnoff to her, so I just put the thought of anything wild happening out of my mind. On the third day, we were on the beach and I was talking to a couple that had just arrived and she was talking to a guy that had been hanging around with us. Next thing I know, she is leaning back and letting me know that she would be playing with herself and asked if it was okay. I gave her the nod and continued with my conversation (as difficult as it was not to watch). She very much so enjoyed herself and allthough she was oblivious to it, had managed to gather a crowd and inspired several other couples to have sex around us. There was no touching between her and the other guy, even though he was begging quite a bit. She made it very clear that we were not interested in swinging. The next day we managed to have some fun ourselves on the beach again. The point I am poorly making, is that attitudes change at the drop of a hat at Hedo. All the discussion in the world can be had, but when the mood strikes, just KNOW that you trust your significant other and stay in communication. It really is a different world there and as it has been said countless times before, trust and respect to all, but especially to the one that you live for...the rest will take care of itself.

[critter2]

Trouble has probably put it best, stay in touch with each other all the time.Communication will get you through most everything and respect will top it off.
We had never done anything with anyone until we went to Hedo2 and now, going on our 5th trip, we know that if something happens we are together in it and both agree to what happens even though it may be a split second decision.

[HedoRUs]

Wow SanJuan....your pre-trip discussions sound ever soooooo similar to our own before we embarked on our first Hedo trip last year. Each of you seem to have 'what if' scenarios that are of interest to you...

From experience, a few things to perhaps keep in mind that may, or may not be helpful. First, go with an open mind and no pre-conceived notions. This way you've not limited your total experience & potential opportunities.

Secondly, keep in mind that spontaneous stuff (opportunity) DOES happen when you least expect it. So, be prepared to have some sort of 'signal' between yourselves as to if both of you are 'all in' or a 'no go'. Be sure not to forget to take into account the 'too much sun, too much alcohol' factor, etc either....! That can cause some miscommunications in itself! Be prepared to be forgiving along with a HUGE dose of communication if one of those factors causes an involvement in something where your partner is having a blast & enjoying themselves while you're not totally into it.

The 'what-if' scenarios are endless, but to give an example....perhaps a fun couple you've been chatting with are tons of laughs, very sexy and in general just having a fun, goofy time...when out of the blue...the very sexy female asks my S.O. sexy guy to lick his drink of choice at the moment (frozen pina colada) off of her very sexy butt...as she is already pouring it out in anticipation of his licking....??!?!?!?!......That is one of the what-ifs. I momentarily freaked and realized that 'hey, I had to loosen up because my S.O. would probably REALLY enjoy licking one of his fave beverages off the butt of this hot, sexy fem'...so I took a deep breath and gave him the 'go ahead signal'. Long story short...I am ever SOOOOOO glad that I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just remember, keep an open mind and don't forget that it is all only physical pleasure with like minded others. It's not as if anyone is there simply for the purpose of hooking up with someone else's partner for a lifelong personal commitment. Communication is key, before, during, and after...that way if there are some feelings of whatever that one of you may have, you can decide together what is enjoyable, off limits, so on and so forth for future adventures.

So why not explore, have fun and Enjoy!!!! We will be awaiting your trip report!

I personally am counting the days until our 'return home' in April to enjoy all the 'what-if' happenings!!...Too much fun!

[brnpoor]

i have never been to hedo, my gf and i are not swingers and we dont plan on joining in any activities with others, we are going because we need a fun vacation, and out of every resort we looked at h3 seems the best out there with the super inclusive package.

im sure we will meet alot of people there but my girl and i are verry satisfied with our own sexuall activities that we dont need anyone else to give us pleasure, like i said we are just going to get away from all the bullshit of our daily lives and kick back and get wasted in the sun.

if your like us and you kow you wont be joining in any of the other activities then dont worry about what might happen because nothing will, but if you are going to explore other options then like everyone else said go with an open mind because from what i hear the opps are endless...

the only worries my gf and i have are people just being grabby, i mean we are from ny and that shit just wont fly with either of us, thats our only concern.

mike..

[CopNkitten]

Hey mike, nice ink, well spot you right away, and I am having kitten grab your ass as soon as she see's you.
We'll break you of that real quick.
roflmao,
Paul....

[brnpoor]

haha, im hoping to book this week glad im going to have people there that i met on here to mingle with

mike..

[dezzy]

our first trip was like you with all the questions and different what ifs we went from excited to scared to a point of we didn't want to discuss it. we agreed on a couple of rules but settled on a couple golden rules that we would not stray from. 1st rule we are never alone
2nd rule we both had to agree 100% on any fun time
the rest of the rules were up for discussion. our second trip we still kept the two golden rules and had a better time than the first time which we thought could not be beat. you will also meet the best people that you could ever hope to meet and know that when you make that seemingly endless journey to take a leak' you know when the seal finally breaks! that your better half is safe

245 days till we go home