Casual observations........

[figgy]

And so to New Years Eve.

One of the most enjoyable parts of our trip was talking to other couples at the bar, at meal times or by the pool. Such a mixed bunch, but everyone we met was friendly and we never felt intimidated or ill at ease with anyone we met. As could be expected, the conversation would invariably include relating to each other our Hedo experiences and our reaction to them. Two stories in particular amused me, although I stress I wasn’t witness to them, but I don’t doubt their authenticity.

One was where a group from the nude pool, about six girls and six guys, decided to run to the quad pool and to give a group BJ demonstration. More fun than erotic I suppose, which made me wonder if there’s a distinction between what I would call ego exhibitionism and erotic exhibitionism. I saw plenty of both, but more of that later.

Another story, which really tickled me, was of a girl who was giving a group of guys BJ’s in the nude hot tub, moving from one to the other. This made me wonder if by the time she got to the last one the first one was still rising to the situation. I suppose it would be a bit like the guy at the circus who spins plates on the end of long poles. Can you imagine it?…………

There she is working on #6 and from the corner of her eye #3 is going a bit floppy, so she disengages and gives #3 a little bit of attention, just enough to keep him going, because #1 and # 4 are beginning to lose interest………. And so she darts about trying to keep the show going. The mind boggles, well mine does anyway.

Back to New Years Eve. We had an enjoyable evening chatting to a couple who joined us at our table. They were a bit overwhelmed by the Hedo experience and had kept themselves on the prude side, but nevertheless, they were an interesting couple to talk to. The food and the show were OK. I couldn't say they were brilliant, but I couldn’t complain either. New Year has always been special to me, new start, new good intentions, resolutions etc. etc. All of which last until the hangover the next morning. Still the thought was there. We had, as was becoming the norm, way too much to drink and made our way back to our room at about 1.00 a.m.. No sooner were we back in our room, then we were out of it again ( this was becoming the norm too ). In the front door, out the patio door, this time heading for the swing beds. Lovely !!!

Back to the room. Sleep? Well we did till 5a.m. when we both woke up. Probably, in my case, due to involuntary nocturnal blood flow. No hands, I promise! On her part , it was probably because my involuntary nocturnal blood flow had no direction and was trying to impregnate into places where it would have caused serious injury. Whatever the cause we both woke up, both still feeling a bit frisky. Out the frigging door again, back on the swing beds.

I don’t know about others, but the whole sexual atmosphere surrounding Hedo, from booking the vacation all those months ago, to reading this and other forums, the anticipation, the nerves, the mind spinning with a million ‘what if’ scenarios. All of that manifests itself into one gigantic sexual charge, and when you're with someone you truly deeply love, the release of that sexual energy is, well, beyond words.

Back to the room. Woke up at 8 a.m. and yes, we brought the New Year in once more. Three times in seven hours. Hedo magic. It usually takes me from New Years day till Valentines Day to achieve that. I don’t think my mind has been so sexual aroused since my Clearasil days.

We missed breakfast.

To be continued………….

[Uniflip]

Figgy.. I was exactly the same as you!! I missed all the best things, apparently. My partner and i would be discussing our lovely hedo holiday and he would say things like.. "remember that guy who was suspended from the bridge by his testicles?" (kink week) .. I have no clue what he's talking about, I missed it entirely - despite walking over said bridge.

Then he says "oh and that lovely blonde that was eyeing you up at breakfast...." i'm like "whhhaaaaat?, you couldn't have told me at the time??"

I think we missed these things because we feel we shoudn't have been looking in the first place. Even in the hot tub i kept my eyes to myself, i know there was people having fun there, but i have no clue of the details.

I'm going to get some huge sunglasses next time and stare at everything, all the time, i won't miss out this year! no siree bob! wanna know where i get my shades from?

[figgy]

Well, the rest of New years day was much more subdued. We surfaced around lunchtime rather the worse for wear and it took a little bit of food and a few glasses of wine to get even a modest bit of equilibrium back into the body. The afternoon was spent on the nude beach, which we much preferred to the nude pool and deck. Lots of displays of PDA & PDS on both the beach and the small wooden docks. Nothing too showy, just folks enjoy their hedo time in a relaxed, inhibition free way.

The nude pool I found to be noisy and brash. Way too many egos jostling for attention with single males mingling and circling to pick up any scraps that were going, but they were happy, it just wasn’t for me. Everyone has a choice.

I did see one incident that I felt was out of order. A young girl, I’m not sure what age but I guess that her physical age was 20 years older than her mental age, so that would put her at about 22 or 23, was lying full frontal on the bar, on her side and teasing one of the bar staff with her sexuality. Now, I’m not sure what the regulations are for the staff with regards to interaction with the guests, but to say the least, the guy was embarrassed and in an awkward ( for him ) position. I did find myself wishing the guy would pick up the ice bucket and throw it all over her, but I knew and he knew that that sort of action would have put his job at risk.

Having said all that, the vast majority of hedo guests appeared to have a good relationship with the staff and vice versa. There were one or two obnoxious idiots who demanded rather than requested service, but you get them all over the world.

Early night. The pace was getting to me, and we had an excursion the next day.

Up bright and early, coffee on the deck by the beach. Very few people up and about. The tranquility of solitude.

Off on our trip. Shopping and Dunns Falls. A tour bus came to pick us up, AFTER it had been around every other resort picking other people up and once again they were all straining their necks to get a glimpse of those naughty hedo people. And once again the tour guide introduced us as the folks fron the naughty party place. We slide down our seats and put on our sunglasses.

Shopping in the Caribbean quickly becomes tedious. Actually, shopping anywhere quickly becomes tedious for me, but I suppose it’s gotta be done. Same crap, different island. And no matter how much I haggle down the price I still feel I’ve been ripped of. Paid $14 for rum cream, I’ve no doubt the locals buy it, if indeed they do, for a fraction of the price. I just can’t get over the fact that when I walk out the shop/stall the person who sold it to me is sniggering and thinking to himself, “ Stupid American.” Actually I’m British, but you get the drift.

So onto Dunns Falls. Not what I was expecting. For some reason I had it in my mind that there would be about forty tourist there gently meandering their way up/down the falls, taking pictures and lazily splashing around in the cool waters of the pool beneath the falls. Picturesque photos of an enchanted world deep within the dense vegetation of a Jamaican forest.

I got that one wrong. About two thousand tourists and locals, clambering up a set of rocks with a tour guide encouraging us to sing Oh Lay, Oh Lay, Oh lay Oh Lay Feeling Hot! Hot! Hot! Every five minutes whilst he took a video of our adventure ( which he later sold to us for $ 40. 000 - Stupid Brit. ). Despite that, it was a lot of fun and worth a visit, but don’t, whatever you do buy the video. You can have mine …………………….. We’re not on it.!!!!!!

Back to hedo. Out of the bus and waved goodbye to the folks with the craning necks and a quick shower and out to the Scotch Bonnet ( or whatever its new name is ) and a bite to eat and a few glasses of wine……….. And a few more……….. And more…….. Upstairs to the deck above the scotch bonnet………. More wine………… and even more……… ended up Mrs F singing the Big Bamboo with the waiters. The power of alcohol.

We made our way to the pastafari restaurant. Not too impressed to be honest, but too tiddly to care. A few more drinks at the bar and then headed back to the room. For another early night.

We still had not made it to the piano bar or the disco. Just a pair of old farts.

To be continued………….

[figgy]

Up bright and early next day and off to Breezes to errrrmmm……. take some photos. Chilled out there for a little while and had lunch then back to Hedo. A quick change into nothing and over to the quad pool. Had a really pleasant afternoon in the quad pool hot tub with around ½ dozen other couples, playing drinking games, ( Don’t tell Harry ), chatting and generally have a good time with likeminded couples. It came to an abrupt end when a younger crowd took over the hot tub and took turns to tell each other what they had done, with whom, where and what with. Kinda spoiled an enjoyable afternoon to be honest. You know, I appreciate Hedo is a sexually charged place, but you don’t need it rammed down your throat, metaphorically speaking of course, every five minutes.

Back to the room, Mrs F had a nap before lunch whilst I made my way back to the main bar. I couldn’t help but over hear this middle-aged guy trying to hit on these two young girls by telling them about his contract work in Iraq. The cynic in me translated this to mean, “ I’ve got a sh!t load of money, are you impressed?”…….. could be wrong though.

A few more drinks then back to wake up Mrs. B and get ready for toga night. This was the only night we got dressed in our theme wear. We brought the lot, pirates outfits, lingerie, leather corset, thigh boots, slave collar and lead the works. Only we felt too inhibited to wear it. Each night I was sent out to do a quick reconnaissance of the area to see what percentage of folks had bothered to dress up. Sadly I had to report back that it was very low. A little bit disappointed, but in all honesty we should have just said to hell with it and dressed up and partied. Next time we will, and I’d advise everyone who is a bit reticent about dressing up to do the same. Your inhibitions mellow with each alcoholic concoction that passes your lips.

There was a group of people who dressed up every night and they seemed to have a blast every night. Kudos to them. In hindsight, the worst thing about bringing theme wear is going through customs. Your wheeling your cases through and all the time you’re repeating in your mind, “ Don’t pick on me, don’t pick on me.”

Anyway, we met up with some of the group of people whom we met in the quad hot tub in the afternoon. Made it to the piano bar, made it to the disco, even danced in the cage. You can assume by now that I was just a little bit inebriated . Made it down the slide. Lost the room key again. ( first time was during our nocturnal romp on the swing beds ). Eventually got back to the room and just crashed out.

The following day was a disaster.

Mrs F is prone to fainting. You know the sort of thing, dentists, doctors, sight of blood etc. etc. or sometimes for no apparent reason. So it was, the next morning over she went, banging her head and hurting her shoulder in the process. Usual solution is bed rest, but the shoulder was causing some pain, so we called the nurses station. The nurse came out, took her vitals, all OK, and said she’d inform the doctor when he arrived at the resort.

At about 1 o’clock the nurse called and asked us to go to the nurses station to see the doctor. I told her that Mrs. F had not sufficiently recovered from her faint to walk to the nurses station. The doctor insisted and after a bit of arguing I reluctantly agreed. Big mistake. On arrival at the nurses station the doctor began to examine her. Sure enough, 30 seconds into the exam over she went again, only this time with a small seizure. Scared the sh!t out of me. It must have scared the sh!t out of the doctor as well as he called for an ambulance to take her to hospital.

This is where the fun begins.

Before the ambulance arrived the nurse advise me to take of my wives jewelry before going to the hospital Ominous sign. I should state here that Mrs F was now on a couch, having oxygen and slowly recovering.

Anyway, the ambulance arrived and in walked the paramedics answer to Laurel and Hardy. Dressed in maintenance overalls and carrying what looked like a tool box they decided to put Mrs F in a neck brace and on a stretcher. Now, one of the things you look for when you are dealing with emergency professionals, be it police, medics or fire, is reassurance. You want to hear that reassurance in their voice and you want to see that reassurance in their eyes. This would be fine, but one of the paramedics was cross-eyed. Very hard to feel reassured when he’s putting on a neck brace and asking his mate what to do whilst simultaneously looking at the wall.

So off to the ambulance we went. Well it was called an ambulance. It was a staion wagon with the back seats taken out, some magnetic signs on the side, one of those lights on the top, similar to what pizza delivery guys use and a siren that was not only loud inside the vehicle, but I’m sure all the local kids would have been rushing out of their houses ready to buy an ice cream. I’m not sure if the ambulance had a defibrillator, but if it did I would not have been surprised if it had to be hooked up via the vehicle cigarette lighter

Oh, and just prior to leaving Hedo in the ambulance the cross-eyed one was trying to fit one of those clips on Mrs F finger to check her pulse. He couldn’t get his machine to work on her, although seemingly it worked on him and the doctor from Hedo. Mrs F had a pulse, she was much more alert and making eye contact and talking with me, but as for seeking reassurance from the professionals? That definitely went out the window when, on the way to the hospital, the cross-eyed one related to his buddy that when he was trying to get a pulse he thought she was a goner.

Well that put our minds at rest!!!!!!!!!!

And so to the hospital and just when you think things could not get worse…………..

To be continued…………

[bakedslightly]

what??? you can't leave me hanging...where's the rest of it???

[Sortsa]

Are you f-ing serious? this is the craziest trip report I have seen so far. lol

[kandh]

I want to file a complaint on this thread:

The updates to the trip report don't come often enough!!!

C'mon Figgy - let's hear more!

[figgy]

Apologies, I didn’t mean to keep people hanging. Time constraints make it difficult and my typing skills would give Mavis Beacon nightmares.



………… and so to the hospital. The road leading up to the hospital was a bit grim ( and I’m being kind here ). The hospital itself was behind a 10 foot chain link fence with guards on the gate and the entrance to the E.R. was protected by another guard and a huge iron gate, and I’m not talking decorative iron here, I’m talking thick iron Alcatraz style bars. Feral dogs were running around in the car park.

Mrs F. was put on a trolley, still wearing her neck brace and strapped to the stretcher. She could only look straight up which was a blessing.

“ What’s it like?” she asked.

“ Oh not to bad.” I replied, less than convincingly.

Entering the E.R. there were four beds to the right. The one that Mrs. F was placed on the guard rail didn’t work, despite the best efforts of the paramedics to prise the darn thing up and dislodge Mrs F from the bed. Looking around the E.R. did not fill me with confidence. Most of the signs were hand written with permanent marker and the drawers where some medical supplies were kept were labeled with hand written words on masking tape. There was very little privacy.

Mrs. F said, “ You know when I asked you what the place was like?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“You lied didn’t you?”

“Moi.? Lied?” I said indignantly, “What makes you say that?”

“Look at the ceiling”

From where the air vent came out was a huge black mark of dirt and dust, with strands of dust encrusted stalactites about six inches long hanging from the light fitting. The light fitting itself was the last resting place of countless dead insects.

“ You should see the floor,” I said.

The floor had old bandaids stuck to it and areas of grime in the corners where the mop did not reach. This was not a nice place to be.

I was taken down to the registration/cashier/waiting room to register Mrs. F with the hospital. This was an even worse place to be. The T.V. was locked inside an iron cage, one of the people in the waiting room asked me for money to buy food. I had a feeling if I had given him some there would have been an endless stream of requests. The administration staff were sullen and indifferent. The filing system consisted of boxes of files in bankers boxes stacked one upon the other, resulting in the bottom row of boxes busting open and files just scattered over the floor.

Once registered ( $79 U.S. ) I went back to the E.R. where Laurel & Hardy the paramedics were waiting. By now, as you can imagine, I was pretty well stressed out. I was asked for payment for the ambulance ride ( $300.00 U.S. ) and duly got my credit card out, only to be told that they only accepted cash.

“ I don’t have $300.00 in cash on me.” I told him.

“ No problem,” he said, “ We’ll take you to an ATM.”

“In the hospital?”

“No, there isn’t one in the hospital, we‘ll take you to the town”

“ I’m not leaving my wife alone.”

Over the next 30 minutes we argued with me standing my ground and him threatening to charge extra for waiting around etc.etc.. I could have done without this and came very close to losing it. Eventually I won through and once he had checked my room # back at Hedo he agreed to come around the next day for his money.

One problem solved. Mrs. F had an EKG ….all OK and the the doctor took some blood. I doubled checked the needles were new, although would you believe it, the doctor stuck the bandaids that held in the needle onto the guard rail of the bed before sticking them on.

Off for an X-ray ( $41.00 U.S. ). This would have been funny if it was not so serious. The porters came and wheeled Mrs. F outside across the grounds, past the feral dogs and up to the X-Ray department. Now the X-ray department was, shall we say, a little antiquated. There was actual rust on the equipment. Anyway, all around the department were hand written signs saying that cell phones were prohibited as they may cause a malfunction of the equipment. Imagine our surprise when in the middle of a series of x-rays the radiologist gets a call on his cell phone. Not only that, he answers it and has a bit of a chat with his buddy. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

X-rays negative. Back to the E.R.

The doctor wanted to keep Mrs. F in overnight. We looked at each other and decided she would stand a better chance of R & R back in the room at Hedo. So I discharged her and caught a taxi back to Hedo. The next 24 hours were the longest in my life hoping we had made the right decision.

Let may say here, the nurses at Hedo and at the hospital were very caring, as were the porters. I suspect their training and certainly the equipment and the facilities they have to work with are simply not up to the standards we’ve become accustomed to. The doctor at Hedo ( $150.00 U.S. )was out of his depth.

And so to Saturday, our last day.

Mrs F was recovering slowly, a little weak, but we made the right decision. Laurel & Hardy came around one o’clock to get their money. Thus began a comedy of errors.

I felt confident enough to leave Mrs. F alone for what I thought would be a few minutes. The first ATM, the one up the road from Hedo was out of order due to a power cut, so we went to an ATM in the village. Same situation there. I did mention that there was a moneygram place opposite, but these guys wanted cash. So of we went to Runaway Bay ( I think ). Yep, there was an ATM there that worked, only there happened to be around 20 young Jamaican males sitting around outside it. Call me paranoid, accuse me of stereotyping, I don’t care. Having survived an attempted mugging in Amsterdam, ( a long story involving a bicycle, a 300yd sprint, a Harpo Marx style overcoat, tram lines, four young gay guys and a leather bar. ) I’m much more street wise and certain situations you instinctively know are not good. This had the potential for being one of those situations.

Anyway, I got out the ambulance. Yes the ambulance and would you believe the lights were flashing. Just when you didn’t want to attract attention to yourself, the whole frigging town was looking at you. So I puffed my chest out to make myself look really big and put on my ‘don’t mess with me face.”
Has anyone seen the movie, “ Stir Crazy” with gene Wilder & Richard Pryor? The scene where the entered the prison and were trying to act tough? Well that was me at the ATM. I must have looked a right dickhead.

Anyway, the cross-eyed paramedic came with me. I’m not sure if this was to my advantage or not, but if you think about it he could actually be looking one way and catch any would be assailant completely by surprise. Just a thought.

So into the ATM booth. In the back of my mind I’m singing 10CC’s “Dreadlock Holiday.” The ATM only had Jamaican dollars so I had to do a quick calculation, and I mean quick, I wanted to get out of there. Grabbed my money stuffed it into my pocket and got back to the ambulance.

Back to Hedo, my ordeal over with, gave the guy his money………

“What’s this? he said.

“It’s your money.” I replied.

“But it’s only $30.00.”

Yep, you guessed it. In my nervousness I didn’t enter in enough zeroes and only withdrew 2,100.00 instead of 21,000.00. Now I felt like a dickhead as well.

Back to the ATM, back through the group of men., back in the booth. No money. My credit card company had put a fraud alert on the card.

I convinced the guy to take me to Breezes so I could phone the credit card company. Eventually got it sorted out and , would you believe it Breezes had an ATM on site.

Back to the room two hours later than planned. Mrs F was doing good, but still weak and certainly not able to party, so we had a quiet night in and prepared for our early morning departure. Well I did, she just lay in bed.

Wheelchair to the coach and at the airport. In the airport Mrs F needed to use the restroom. The restroom attendant said it was ok to wheel her into the mens and use the disabled toilet. There she is holding her hand over her eyes so as not to see any male appendages. Goodness woman, you’ve been looking at them all week, why stop now?

Plane was delayed six hours, which meant we got into Fort Lauderdale to late to make the drive home so ended up booking into a hotel for the night. But oh boy were we ever so glad to be back on US soil.

******

Well that’s it folks. Hospital visit aside we had a blast and I’ll do a short light hearted summary of our trip as soon as time allows. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed my reminiscing and maybe some of our experiences at Hedo will resonate with others. Maybe, maybe not. We all see things with different eyes, it makes life so much more interesting.

Looking forward to going again and perhaps meeting up with some of the forum members. That’s if I haven’t scared you off.

[bakedslightly]

note to self...staple post-it to left boob...do not take to hospital unless dead.

[Juliegirl]

You are a wonderful writer and I am enjoying all your stories. But I am feeling so bad for you for this medical ordeal you both suffered. My ex is a doctor and I'm in a medical field, too, so all this stuff was making me real nervous for you!!! I am wondering how the Mrs. is doing now? Is she all right? Has she had a seizure before and did you know how to handle it? I hope all is well and that she is doing great. You are a kind and attentive husband. You are also both very brave!!! Take care and have a great trip the next time around. We are going to H2 this Valentine's week. Hoping to stay healthy.

[CopNkitten]

I know when I did Ricks Cliff Diving and hurt my shoulder and tailbone, I self medicated at Hedo and went to the Dr's at home. I know now that I made the right choice.
Paul....

[Anne&Carl]

Thanks for the trip report, really enjoyed it. Sorry that you did have the ordeal that you went through, but thankfully you came out of it ok. If nothing else, you have a good story to tell.

[gregandleslie]

As a Paramedic in the states I had always wondered what it was like... and now I know....just as I expected, only worse. Thanks for posting !!!

Greg

[JAnewbies]

Sorry about the mishaps, but at least that Hedo spirit lives within you and you know you are still going back... Looks like lemons to lemonade...

[figgy]

Apologizes for not responding in a timely manner to those who have been kind enough to comment on our trip report. Reality after Hedo is a bummer.

Juliegirl: Thanks for your kind words and concern about Mrs F. The good news is that all tests have proved negative. She is currently on a physiotherapy course to strengthen her shoulder. ( We think it was dislocated at some stage).I’m sure if the doctor had come to the room instead of insisting Mrs. F. went to the nurses station things would not have played out as they did. We’ll never know. I guess it was just one of those ups and downs of life that we all have to deal in our own way. You just have to get up, dust your self down and start looking for your next adventure. You certainly can’t live your life wrapped in bubble wrap. ( Except of course during kink week, where it is probably perfectly acceptable and maybe even compulsory for some. ) Enjoy Valentine’s week, we envy you.

Copnkitten: I can’t recommend self medicating to anyone. We sometimes have to make tough decisions and hope for the best. Funny thing is, Mrs F’s physiotherapist is from Jamaica and when we told her she went to St. Ann’s hospital her immediate response was. “ OH MY GOD.” Says it all really.

P.S. We told her we had stayed at Breezes ( pair of cowards.)

Anne&Carl: You got that right. Some great stories, but who do you tell!!!!

GregandLeslie: The paramedics that pick us up were from a private firm. Normally I would say that private services are better than public services. However in this case, I sincerely doubt it. I saw the government ambulances parked at the hospital and they looked much more professional than the ‘hearse’ that we were carried in. Having said that, I would imagine they are a long way behind U.S. standards.

Incidentally, upon our return, we found out that Jamaica has two class ‘A’ hospitals. One in Kingston & one in Montego Bay. A few class ‘B’ hospitals ( St Ann’s was class ‘B’ ) and even more class “C” hospitals. I’ve no idea what qualifies for a class “C” hospital, but visions of cauldrons and potions immediately springs to mind.

JaNewbies: Yes, despite the unfortunate mishap, we will be back. We were just getting into the swing of things ( define swing as you will ). As newbies ourselves, it took a little while to find our niche, then having found it and getting ready to enjoy it to the full……….. sh!t happens. So yeah, we’re owed two days of partying. We’ll be back.

Anyway enough of this seriousness.

Light hearted summary to follow a.s.a.p.