Under what circumstances . . .

**Cat_n_Jake** · 10-10-2007, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by JAnewbies

If I had my way, all the Hedo people would live on one street in the same town. Imagine the summer pool parties... Woohoo

Now THAT would be great!! ... Although we would not have as much incentive to go to hedo then (except maybe in the winter).

**CopNkitten** · 10-10-2007, 11:44 PM

Well unless you are filling my 52oz mug up ever few mins with dirty banana's, then we gota go to hedo.
roflmao
Paul....

**Moorerotic** · 10-11-2007, 02:37 AM

...all the "Rules" take a lot of pleasure out of the experience?

countybumpkin

That's not rambling. That's real talk and we need more of that around here. Keep up the good work.

I love your idea about having a signal, as long as it's so
subtle that the other person or couple doesn't have a clue.

Jake

SWAYER? Will somebody please tell Rembrandtx he doesn't need to be called a swinger or lifestyler (or whatever term he doesn't like) anymore. He can be a swayer now.

Thanks for understanding what I was talking about.

JA

Thanks for being consistent, brother. Consistently misunderstanding what I type. I'm talking about couples who don't let anyone get really close to their hearts other than their mates. It has nothing to do with the conversations they have about sex or sports. I'm talking about couples who can swing very freely with minimal rules because each partner knows the other can't be truly seduced by any other person.

The question is, do you have the type of cat, who will always be your cat because it never leaves your yard no matter how much freedom it has to do so (but will be friendly to anyone who enters your yard), or do you have the type of cat who adopts your neighbor because your neighbor serves better cat food and gives better belly rubs?

Am I the only one who believes that a huge part of the joy of this process is the seduction? Seduction that's killed by an extensive set of rules and conditions.

If I have to call timeout, and get my girl in the huddle to call a flea flicker, while the referee is under the replay hood checking to see if anybody broke the rules, then all the fun has been sucked out of the game.

**JAnewbies** · 10-11-2007, 08:24 AM

Moore... I wasn't really responding to anything other than the quote that Hedo friends understand on a different level in cat n jake's post and tied that to the quote that they have no real "deep" firends to speak of. Hell... most don't.

My point was Hedo friends can be the best of friends (with the limits of separation by miles considered) because there are no secrets. No secrets, no walls. Walls still exist in all relationships, but I would assume fewer.

I took a small point and ran with it a bit. It was not all directly responding to the post. Call it a mild hijack of a thread. As usual, I added some input and then took the floor for myself and made some other points.

**sluggo and tay** · 10-11-2007, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by JAnewbies

Moore... I wasn't really responding to anything other than the quote that Hedo friends understand on a different level in cat n jake's post and tied that to the quote that they have no real "deep" firends to speak of. Hell... most don't.

My point was Hedo friends can be the best of friends (with the limits of separation by miles considered) because there are no secrets. No secrets, no walls. Walls still exist in all relationships, but I would assume fewer.

I took a small point and ran with it a bit. It was not all directly responding to the post. Call it a mild hijack of a thread. As usual, I added some input and then took the floor for myself and made some other points.

Well said J, I always enjoy reading what you post and know that they are well thought out. I agree with you on many things and believe that Hedo friends are people that you can talk to about anything with. I believe that is due to us being open minded and non-judgemental about everything. We see life a little bit differenty than most. Maybe we have been through some deep shit in our lives and realise that talking about "fluff" doesn't matter anymore.
We get to the "meat" of the subject and bypass all the bullshit. Anyway, can't wait to finally meet you and all of our Hedo friends in about 3 weeks.

Love, Terri

**Rebelwolf** · 10-11-2007, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by jwell100

Here is a question for the veterans.

Having never done any of this, how do you know ahead of time that you will be ok with this when it is over. I imagine that there is no way to be absolutely certain, but it would be nice to be relatively comfortable that if she were to "play" with another guy (or me with another girl) that I/she would not be so jealous that it would impact our relationship.

Obviously, open honest discussion is the place to start, but that discussion is only theoretical until it actually happens. Afterwards, emotion gets involved and who knows how we will feel.

It's very important to be able to talk about things. The next thing might be a sort of sample or test run. If you find a couple you like then and things begin to heat up then have a discussion whith them and let them know it's all new for you.

You will never be able to know how you will feel about each other playing with another couple until it happens. The worst case should be that you don't like the experience and agree to not do it again. There may be some jealous feelings or whatever at the time but that shouldn't last afterward. You both need to agree to trying something new and not play a blame game afterward. We've been in situations where things went a little too far for our comfort level and we had to stop. It's not a big problem though we just had to talk about it afterward and then let it go.

**Rebelwolf** · 10-11-2007, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by Solstyce

Welcome to the threads, CountryBumpkin. It sounds like you and your hubby have everything figured out and are doing it for the right reasons- to enhance your sex life and maybe fulfill a fantasy. And you are right- It's ONLY SEX. NOT making love.
Now for jwell's question- "how do you know it'll be ok when it's over?"
My advice is to be very secure in your relationship. Make your "rules" ahead of time- before you get to the resort and get drunk and horny- and stick to them. It's very easy to deviate from the plan in the throws of passion- that is where I have seen problems happen in other couples. So discuss it way before hand, know your limits, take things slow and don't be afraid to talk about what happened afterwards.

I wanted to add something I just thought of. It's very important for me that she keeps regular eye contact with me. We try to stay in touch with each other so that we know how each other is feeling all the time. That way if something is going a little too close to the edge a simple mouthed no will be less dramatic than a total stop to the play. Besides that it's a lot more fun if you know you are both enjoying it.

**Rebelwolf** · 10-11-2007, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by jwell100

Thanks to everyone for the advice.

Here is our situation. Married 17 years. Strong relationship and no jealousy issues. Our first trip saw us doing things I never thought we would and we had a blast. We have talked about "Rules" for the next trip and the one certain rule is no intercourse. I try to get into all the other possibilities for "playing" and she says "we will just see what happens."

I am sure that the atmosphere, setting and other people will make all the difference in the world. My concern is that "we will just see what happens" is not detailed enough to ensure that either of us won't be jealous/hurt, etc. As quickly as things develop at hedo (last trip a girl in the nude hot tub floated over to a stranger, asked his wife if it was ok, and started giving the guy a bj. This occurred in about 3 seconds) and without more detailed rules, one may feel compelled to say o.k. even when they are not comfortable with the situation. This, of course, could lead to disaster.

Well it's always going to be kind of complicated until it happens. Just make sure it's okay for each other to say no, or yes depending on the situation. I mean just because you have discussed the idea of you getting a bj from a girl does not mean any girl would be okay. There's a huge difference between a girl she likes and one she doesn't. Same applies for a guy giving her some attention. I usually let her know when there's a guy I would prefer she avoid, and she will tell me if she doesn't like a woman. Fortunately it doesn't happen often.

There was one trip I won some hedo bucks and didn't want them. So I gave them to a girl standing close by. She was overly thrilled by the getsure and proceded to go down on me to say thank you. Now Carolyn was on the other side of the pool and looks over to see girl with my dick in her mouth. It only lasted a few seconds because the girl was underwater and it was after all mostly a joke. I did explain it to Carolyn when I got over by her and she laughed about it. No big deal. Stuff can happen quickly and shouldn't be a big deal.

**jwell100** · 10-11-2007, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by Rebelwolf

Well it's always going to be kind of complicated until it happens. Just make sure it's okay for each other to say no, or yes depending on the situation. I mean just because you have discussed the idea of you getting a bj from a girl does not mean any girl would be okay. There's a huge difference between a girl she likes and one she doesn't. Same applies for a guy giving her some attention. I usually let her know when there's a guy I would prefer she avoid, and she will tell me if she doesn't like a woman. Fortunately it doesn't happen often.

There was one trip I won some hedo bucks and didn't want them. So I gave them to a girl standing close by. She was overly thrilled by the getsure and proceded to go down on me to say thank you. Now Carolyn was on the other side of the pool and looks over to see girl with my dick in her mouth. It only lasted a few seconds because the girl was underwater and it was after all mostly a joke. I did explain it to Carolyn when I got over by her and she laughed about it. No big deal. Stuff can happen quickly and shouldn't be a big deal.

Thanks. I never thought about the "whether she likes the girl or I like the guy angle." It makes a lot of sense though, particularly from the jealousy perspective. To take JA's analogy, I would not let a guy that I hate test drive my Ferrari.

**jwell100** · 10-11-2007, 12:59 PM

As I wander down this curious path of the unknown, it occurs to me that I would be more comfortable if the "playing" occurred in public rather than in private and definitely when I/she am/is present. To me it would be less intimate and more like a wild adult party.

Just my current thought.

**JAnewbies** · 10-11-2007, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by sluggo and tay

Well said J, I always enjoy reading what you post and know that they are well thought out. I agree with you on many things and believe that Hedo friends are people that you can talk to about anything with. I believe that is due to us being open minded and non-judgemental about everything. We see life a little bit differenty than most. Maybe we have been through some deep shit in our lives and realise that talking about "fluff" doesn't matter anymore.
We get to the "meat" of the subject and bypass all the bullshit. Anyway, can't wait to finally meet you and all of our Hedo friends in about 3 weeks.

Love, Terri

Thank ya...

I am looking forward to meeting you guys too. To expand (as if I wouldn't)...

You bring up something I left out. Many go to Hedo AFTER some "life shit" happens. For this reason, many have torn down the "walls" that life has built and the ones we have put up ourselves. By this I mean, many have had medical problems, close calls with death, overcome financial problems, or whatever. Usually after a close call, whether it's death, or anything else, we tend to look at life differently. Once you look at life differently, Hedo and those type things, seem like something NOT to miss out on. Had we not gone through what we did, we would never have considered a nude beach, she would never have told me she was bi-curious and I never would have even been looking into a Hedo type thing.

One of the reasons old people buy sports cars, is because they realize one day that they never had one and now they can afford one, or that being sensible doesn't always make sense and better do it now, before it's too late. Going to Hedo is that convertible that you always thought about (or maybe never thought about)... and never got.

Give anybody truth serum and they will say that going to a nude beach would be awesome. Maybe the really self-concious people wouldn't, but remove the paranoia and they would. Once you have had that "life scare" either in the form of the trials I mentioned, OR just waking up one day and finally realizing that life is short, you will expand your self, if only a little.

One thing to also remember... except for the distance... Hedo friends come with no walls, no expectations and no judgements. I don't think anybody here cares what anybody else does for a living, how hot anybody is, or where anybody lives. I think only one person asked me what I do for a living on our last trip and it was because they were just curious. It's amazing how what you do for a living doesn't matter when you are naked. Now, that said, I always ask, because my business requires that I ask everybody that question, so it's just habit for me, but once Hedo folk answer, I don't prod beyond that.

You just seem to get more personal with people that you discuss sex with. At Hedo, it's 75% of the conversation. People fib to "regular friends" all the time about all kinds of stupid stuff like, how much they give to charity, how big was their yearly bonus, how smart and well behaved their kid is, but it doesn't really occur to most people to fib to somebody about anything, after you have been discussing blowjobs (lol)...

As usual, I have forgotten my point. Maybe I never had one (lol)... but I like to talk about this stuff.

**countrybumpkin** · 10-12-2007, 06:54 AM

Originally Posted by JAnewbies

Thank ya...

You bring up something I left out. Many go to Hedo AFTER some "life shit" happens. For this reason, many have torn down the "walls" that life has built and the ones we have put up ourselves. By this I mean, many have had medical problems, close calls with death, overcome financial problems, or whatever. Usually after a close call, whether it's death, or anything else, we tend to look at life differently. Once you look at life differently, Hedo and those type things, seem like something NOT to miss out on. Had we not gone through what we did, we would never have considered a nude beach, she would never have told me she was bi-curious and I never would have even been looking into a Hedo type thing.

JA, I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. I don't think I could imagine hubby and I going to Hedo 10 years ago. Lifes ups and downs have changed the way we think about a lot of things. It has also brought us to the love we share today.
That may also be a way of telling if you can deal with your partner playing with another person. You sit back and look at everything you have been through together and have become stronger because of it. If you can't deal with everyday living trials and tribulations together, I don't think it's a good idea to try to experience playing with other couples. Hubby and I are at the point now that I can be sitting there thinking of something and the next thing I know he is saying it or vise versa. It took 27 years to get to where we are and we both know we don't want to be anyplace else. The playing is just for fun.

**Cat_n_Jake** · 10-12-2007, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by Rebelwolf

There's a huge difference between a girl she likes and one she doesn't. Same applies for a guy giving her some attention. I usually let her know when there's a guy I would prefer she avoid, and she will tell me if she doesn't like a woman. Fortunately it doesn't happen often.

So true. Oftentimes we have to be each others gauge of who to avoid. I think we both read people very well, but sometimes we can be a little off for many different reasons.

Cat or I will see something in a woman/man that makes her/me not trust her/him. Sometimes the other one of us is totally oblivious, but we trust each other's abilities to read other people and so we avoid anyone that either of us is uncomfortable with.

[Edited to add: Wow - that last statement was pretty convoluted ... her/him/other ... just giving your brain a little workout - please don't pull a muscle]

**Rebelwolf** · 10-12-2007, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by Cat_n_Jake

So true. Oftentimes we have to be each others gauge of who to avoid. I think we both read people very well, but sometimes we can be a little off for many different reasons.

Cat or I will see something in a woman/man that makes her/me not trust her/him. Sometimes the other one of us is totally oblivious, but we trust each other's abilities to read other people and so we avoid anyone that either of us is uncomfortable with.

[Edited to add: Wow - that last statement was pretty convoluted ... her/him/other ... just giving your brain a little workout - please don't pull a muscle]

It all boils down to respect. I respect her enough that if she asks me to avoid a certain person I will, and she does the same for me. Like I said earlier it's not a big deal and doesn't happen all that often. And it's always about an attitude not looks.

We had a trip once during kink week where this guy became attached to Carolyn. He was supposed to be a sub and called himself a houseboy. All the girls thought he was hot and she enjoyed having him around. For a while it was okay but he was like a little puppy and showed up everywhere. I told her it was time for her to treat him like the sub he was supposed to be or cut him loose. She said he was too cute to treat like crap so she let him go.