Under what circumstances . . .

[Solstyce]

Aaaahhh JA.... I couldn't agree more with your portrail of me and my instincts. I am very aggressive and am non-apologetic about it. When I'm on the prowl, I really do see the man as my prey- but it's not like he isn't going to have a good time getting eaten up!!!

I want to thank you guys for your comments- I'm a little bit more on my way to understanding. I totally agree with the cock size comments- my hubby would prefer to see me with a guy with a bigger cock- mostly because it just looks visually enticing!

PERFECTLY said Copnkitten!

[JAnewbies]

Solstyce, I was going to say "hope I didn't offend" and then I caught myself (lol)...

Paul, you are right about the "right people thing" and in some ways I agree with those that say "get to know people first" and in some ways I don't. I almost think that "hook it up" with strangers and "walk away from it" with a high five might be better. Once bonds of any sort start, it seems like it would get too personal for me. Then again... WTF do I know (lol)...

I always enjoy your input...

[Cat_n_Jake]

Coming in late to the discussion, but I thought I would throw in my 2cents as a couple only interested in G/G play. I am ok with sitting back and watching Cat play with a girl, but my preference is to join her. We prefer the G/G with the guys there and just touching/ having sex with their own women.

I like to see Cat flirt with men, and she is very friendly, but I can't say I would enjoy seeing her do much more with another man. There are just some parts of her that, when I go there later, I don't want an image of another man's dick having been there recently ...

OK, this part is corny ... but I also feel that we are so close that anything she does, I experience through her - and that is just something I don't want to experience...

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman - except maybe 2 women

[jwell100]

Here is a question for the veterans.

Having never done any of this, how do you know ahead of time that you will be ok with this when it is over. I imagine that there is no way to be absolutely certain, but it would be nice to be relatively comfortable that if she were to "play" with another guy (or me with another girl) that I/she would not be so jealous that it would impact our relationship.

Obviously, open honest discussion is the place to start, but that discussion is only theoretical until it actually happens. Afterwards, emotion gets involved and who knows how we will feel.

[countrybumpkin]

Hi Everyone,
I am new to the site as far as posting. I have been reading all that I can. It is great to be able to have a place to let your true feelings be known and to have someone like jwell to ask questions like this that a lot of people would like the answers to. Everyone's answers have been great and I don't think there are any wrong or right. It is just what each person feels.
Here is my take on it. My husband and I do not consider ourselves swingers but we do want to do things at Hedo that we would never do at home. After all isn't that what Hedo is about?? I would really love to give my husband a blowjob with the help of another woman at the hottub or in private. My husband would also like to watch a female go down on me. I feel it is all ok as long as you are there together and it is all agreed upon before hand. What my husband and I do together is make love! Anything we would do at Hedo with others would be just fun sex that comes from the sexually charged atmosphere and the alcohol.

[HedoJoe]

On a lighter note my bubba mug came as I was typing this, yea boy, 52oz of dirty bannana's. I'm all set for April 08 now, woo hoo,

I can just see the bartender....half bottle of rum, half bottle of Tia Maria.........

[CopNkitten]

jwell you can never be certain and many have regrets after and problems, we have seen it many times. If your not sure ahead of time, don't do it. Simple rule. If there are any doubts there will probably be regrets later.
If your absolutely sure (sober), then go for it. By absolutely sure I mean absolutly sure your ready to explore things and areas.
Another key is making these decisions sober, make then while intoxicated might lead to regrets when sober.

And joe, I think 1/3 bottle might suffice, roflmao.

[Solstyce]

Welcome to the threads, CountryBumpkin. It sounds like you and your hubby have everything figured out and are doing it for the right reasons- to enhance your sex life and maybe fulfill a fantasy. And you are right- It's ONLY SEX. NOT making love.
Now for jwell's question- "how do you know it'll be ok when it's over?"
My advice is to be very secure in your relationship. Make your "rules" ahead of time- before you get to the resort and get drunk and horny- and stick to them. It's very easy to deviate from the plan in the throws of passion- that is where I have seen problems happen in other couples. So discuss it way before hand, know your limits, take things slow and don't be afraid to talk about what happened afterwards.

[Moorerotic]

Here is a question for the veterans.

Having never done any of this, how do you know ahead of time that you will be ok with this when it is over. I imagine that there is no way to be absolutely certain, but it would be nice to be relatively comfortable that if she were to "play" with another guy (or me with another girl) that I/she would not be so jealous that it would impact our relationship.

Obviously, open honest discussion is the place to start, but that discussion is only theoretical until it actually happens. Afterwards, emotion gets involved and who knows how we will feel.

Does it bother you when she grinds on some random on the dance floor? Does it bother her if the cute cashier at McDonald's always gives you extra fries?

Basically you need to have some PUBLIC low level sexual contact, kissing, touching, etc. and then have your conversation. If a guy kissing her neck freaks you out (actually a lot more intimate than most guys realize) then it's game over.

Also are you two the type of people who bond strongly and only call a few very special people "friends", or are you the type who talk to someone for five minutes and introduce them to others as your "new friend".

The folks I know who are really successful in the swing scene have very few if any real deep friendships and boatloads of casual acquaintances. There's no fear of your wife getting attached to some other guy if she's just not the get attached type.

[CopNkitten]

[QUOTE=Moorerotic;24140] If a guy kissing her neck freaks you out (actually a lot more intimate than most guys realize) then it's game over.

Hmm wearing pigtails would leave the neck open for that kind of thing.
~~O~~

[countrybumpkin]

Welcome to the threads, CountryBumpkin. It sounds like you and your hubby have everything figured out and are doing it for the right reasons- to enhance your sex life and maybe fulfill a fantasy. And you are right- It's ONLY SEX. NOT making love.

Thanks for the welcome Solstyce.

I agree with Jwell. I don't think there is any way to absolutely certain there is not going to be jealousy afterwards. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and have never done even soft playing. After visiting Hedo the first time we started discussing some fantasies that we both had. I didn't have any desire to have sex with another guy and partly because for most of years together my hubby has been jealous.
Just recently we visited some friends in another state that we had met at Hedo and have kept in contact with. They are not swingers either. I knew my hubby wanted to see me with her and I liked the idea myself because I've been becoming more and more bi-curious myself. It ended up the hubbies talked and got us wound up on the idea of doing some playing with each other. Before we knew it we were all in bed together and before anything happened I looked Hubby in the eye and asked are you sure you want this and he said yes. It was very wild SEX!! He was fine with things afterwards and it adds excitement to our lovemaking when we talk about it now.
Make sure you have some kind of signal to let your partner know you think it's time to stop or that you are unsure and need to talk things over before you go any further.
What happened with us is sort of opposite of what Solstyce recommends. I really think it depends on the couple. I do agree though make sure you talk it out thoroughly before hand!! I was a little unsure because of my husbands jealousy but we came through it OK. And I think a lot of that was because of the friends that it happened with. It was all new to all of us!
Sorry for rambling on.

[jwell100]

Thanks to everyone for the advice.

Here is our situation. Married 17 years. Strong relationship and no jealousy issues. Our first trip saw us doing things I never thought we would and we had a blast. We have talked about "Rules" for the next trip and the one certain rule is no intercourse. I try to get into all the other possibilities for "playing" and she says "we will just see what happens."

I am sure that the atmosphere, setting and other people will make all the difference in the world. My concern is that "we will just see what happens" is not detailed enough to ensure that either of us won't be jealous/hurt, etc. As quickly as things develop at hedo (last trip a girl in the nude hot tub floated over to a stranger, asked his wife if it was ok, and started giving the guy a bj. This occurred in about 3 seconds) and without more detailed rules, one may feel compelled to say o.k. even when they are not comfortable with the situation. This, of course, could lead to disaster.

[bakedslightly]

I also believe rules are very important and having them out in the open before things begin is the way to hopefully prevent hurt feelings. After talking with Jay more we think the reason things did not go well with the last couple that wanted to play with us is, they didn't follow their own rules...also...they were definately pushing the boundries of our rules we had already verbalized...we are very clear with each other on our limits and we respect each other's feelings. (so we weren't moving) lol Sex is fun and exciting but nothing can replace the touch and feel of real love...to get to have that all together is way cool!

I am definately agressive and don't believe I "give up" anything unintended when I am with someone...male or female...however, I know that because Jay is there and I have his strength and trust with me I can relax and totally enjoy just being in the moment!

[Cat_n_Jake]

Also are you two the type of people who bond strongly and only call a few very special people "friends", or are you the type who talk to someone for five minutes and introduce them to others as your "new friend".

The folks I know who are really successful in the swing scene have very few if any real deep friendships and boatloads of casual acquaintances. There's no fear of your wife getting attached to some other guy if she's just not the get attached type.

This is interesting. I never would have thought of this aspect. I would say that we have no deep friendships. Cat has one real friend, but I would not call that a deep friendship and I have none.

We have been known to meet people at a party and be calling them our new best friends by the end of the night - never to talk to them again ...

Some of our Hedo friends are the best friends we have though and we talk to them throughout the year. I think because they understand us on a level that no one else can.

I can't see us ever being what we would call swingers since we don't swap, we prefer to call ourselves swayers. We like what we do at Hedo and would love to do it once in a while back home too.

-Jake

[JAnewbies]

This is interesting. I never would have thought of this aspect. I would say that we have no deep friendships. Cat has one real friend, but I would not call that a deep friendship and I have none.

We have been known to meet people at a party and be calling them our new best friends by the end of the night - never to talk to them again ...

Some of our Hedo friends are the best friends we have though and we talk to them throughout the year. I think because they understand us on a level that no one else can.

I can't see us ever being what we would call swingers since we don't swap, we prefer to call ourselves swayers. We like what we do at Hedo and would love to do it once in a while back home too.

-Jake

The reason some of your Hedo friends are your "best friends" is because "best friends" can talk about anything. You can tell your "semi-friends" that work sucked, the weather is great, or celebrate a work bonus you just received and everybody can share in those type conversations when you are together. You can also talk about the kids, sports and new cars.

Now, with Hedo friends, you can talk about the fact that your wife just found out she likes pussy, that you had your first 3some, and that you are thinking about swinging this weekend and ask for their input. To the "hedo Friend" this is normal and they can answer the inner personal questions that are currently burning in your life that your "semi-friends" would think you were nuts for even considering. It's OK to talk about your deep dark secrets with "Hedo friends," because they aren't deep and dark to them. You can talk about 3somes with Hedo friends and the conversation can flow to parent/teacher meetings and there are no issues, but with your semi friends, you can't switch the conversation from "should I get the all wheel drive model" to "we are considering a MMF 3some... what do you think."

In short, you will never have deep friendships with anybody you have to hide things from. If you can't be "your REAL self," with them, how can you have an honest and deep friendship with them.

I feel more separated from my "regular friends" after Hedo than ever before. I now feel like I am tip toe-ing around the conversations. I am dying to tell them to come to Hedo and get naked, but I know they will flip out. In fact, the one friend I did tell about Hedo at first thought it was cool, but quickly retreated to saying there was no way HE would ever go. That's after he got the "lame version" of our trip. He would freak if I had told him the details.

If I had my way, all the Hedo people would live on one street in the same town. Imagine the summer pool parties... Woohoo