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Thread: Tell your Hedo jokes!!

  1. #121
    Registered User MIKE N TINA's Avatar
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    This is the absolute funniest

    Check this Link:
    http://heraldnet.com/article/2007122...EDIA/283841756

    Stan Boreson sings 'I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore'
    It is very funny!

  2. #122
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.
    Out pops a coke.

    The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

    She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and, of course, the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

    Another woman walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before asking if someone else could have a go.

    The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, 'Can't you see I'm winning?'
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  3. #123
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

    An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

    "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

    The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

    "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

    The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.

    "The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

    The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

    "There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

    The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

    "I can't piss out of it," he replied.

    The waiting room erupted in laughter.
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  4. #124
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    Sorry, I realize my posting has hijacked thie thread with jokes and stories other than hedo related. If anyone objects, please PM me, and I'll stop. I just think A joke thread is a joke thread, IMHO.

    Some cow stories -

    An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. "These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today." The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night." "Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."

    *

    There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, "Why didn't you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down."

    *

    Old man BillyBob goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?" BillyBob says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them." The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian." A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?" BillyBob says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows." The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?" BillyBob says, "He gave him some pills." The banker says, "What kind of pills?" BillyBob says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint."

    *

    A farmer down the road had a fairly large herd of cows and three bulls. Each bull keeping a strict eye on his portion of the cows. A rumour comes around that the farmer is going to get another bull and the three bulls are standing in the field discussing this. The first bull says, "Well, there's no way he's going to get any of my cows." The second bull agrees, "Yeah, I'm not giving up any. He can wait till next year and get some of the new ones." The third bull who was a bit smaller says, "I don't have as many as you guys so I'm not giving any up." Finally, the new bull arrives. The first three gather at the edge of the field to watch him being unloaded from the trailor. To their consternation, the biggest, meanest Brahma bull they have ever seen comes strolling down the ramp and glares at them. He's at least three times bigger than any of them. The first bull looks around nervously and says, "Well now, I suppose it would be a neighbourly thing to give this guy some cows. I think I'll give him twenty of mine." The second bull says, "Yeah, I guess so, I'll give him thirty of mine." They look over at the small bull. He's busy pawing the grass, snorting, and shaking his head. They go over and ask him what he's doing and suggest that he should give up some cows too. He says, "Yes I know, I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  5. #125
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    And another:


    A rancher had bought this very expensive bull to breed his cows, but the bull was not performing. He had tried all sorts of things, but the bull just wanted to eat and sleep.
    The rancher was in town one evening and happened to run into the local veterinarian and casually mentioned his dilemma. It was well known that he had paid top dollar for the bull, so the vet suggested an old Indian trick to the rancher.
    He told the rancher that while the bull was eating go over to one of the cows, lift her tail up and reach in there and get some of her "stuff" on his hand, then rub it on the bulls’ nose, and he should start breeding the cows.
    Well, the rancher thought, what have I got to lose? The next day he goes over to one of his cows and gets some on his hand, walks over to the bull and rubs it on his nose. Sure enough the bulls head comes straight up, but went right back to eating again. So the old rancher figures, well maybe I didn't get enough and goes over to another cow and reaches way up in there and gets a big gobbety goop all over his hand. Goes back over to the bull and rubs it all over his nose. The bulls head rises up and he goes straight to breeding the cows!
    A little light comes on in the ranchers head, “momma’s in the house sleeping"! He goes in the bedroom and reaches under her panties and gets a little and rubs it on his nose, sure enough his dick went straight up, but then, went right back down. "Huh, must not have got enough, so he reaches back in there and gets a big gobbety goop and rubs it all over his nose, bam, old dick comes straight up. He is so proud he runs over and turns on the light and yell's, "honey, honey, look" She wakes up and looks at him and say's, "what you woke me up to tell me you have a bloody nose?"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  6. #126
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    A short and idiodic video below the pic.





    Thus ends the bovine comedy minute.

    EDIT Oh well, pic and video removed by photobucket for content.
    Last edited by Kelley; 03-29-2008 at 04:51 PM.
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  7. #127
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    From another forum -

    Girls night out,

    Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

    The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  8. #128
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    Question: Why is the '69' position also called the smokers position?

    Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.



    Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive rather than blood donation?

    Answer: Because it's HANDMADE!



    Man 1 : "My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and
    say '1st gear, 2nd gear...'"

    Man 2 : "My wife is worse! She puts my bird inside her and say 'Full Tank
    please'."



    Question : What is the similarity between your salary and a women's period

    Answer : Both come once a month, last about 5-7 days and if either one
    doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble!



    Question : What is the smallest hotel in the world ?

    Answer : It's ****** Inn because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant
    who must leave his 2 bags outside!



    Two prostitutes were in a taxi, on their way home after "work".

    Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!

    Bitch 2 : Sorry, I burped!



    A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got off the Hospital
    bed, slapped her husband, and shouted, "I told you not to do it Doggy
    style!"



    A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank.

    The teller says, "Sorry, madam, this note is a fake."

    "Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped!"



    A man went to the chemist to buy ¼ of a ******.

    The Chemist said that it would be useless.

    The man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing
    on my shoes."



    "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small *****, would you comment
    on this?"

    "The truth is that she has a big mouth!"



    A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love.

    She said, "Aww, so solly... exkooz me pleazo, Flont hole so happy back hole
    laugh out loud!"



    Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw
    to fix it.



    Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a
    good hand.



    What's the difference between biology and sociology?

    When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby
    looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.



    What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the ***** called?

    Ans - The man.



    Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy
    before.



    Why is breast milk good for health?

    Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and
    comes in attractive containers.



    Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and
    still suck blood?"

    God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad."



    Why was the two-piece bikini invented?

    To separate the meat section from the dairy section.



    Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out
    with. He is too dumb."

    " No, mamma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured
    me of that illness that I used to have every month".
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  9. #129
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    Take a look at the picture first...
    So, what did you see?

    Now proceed and read below to find an explanation of what you really saw.

    I'm sure you will find this very interesting.






    Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such scenario. What they will see are the nine dolphins.
    Additional note: This is a test to determine if you already have a corrupted mind. If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 3 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted.
    Last edited by Kelley; 01-17-2008 at 04:35 PM.
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  10. #130
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

    They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.

    "Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a hand job?"

    "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

    "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"

    She nods.

    "Well, it's just like that."

    So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.

    "What's wrong?!" she cries out.

    "TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  11. #131
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's pussy. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
    After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his cock, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
    The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "If neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
    Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes.
    "Hey, what the hell is happening?!?"
    "Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little fucker!"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  12. #132
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a
    camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master
    makes me do my business on a fire hydrant!". The cat says,
    "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box
    of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your
    master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups
    until you throw up!"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  13. #133
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. "What is your second request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

    Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

    The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

    Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time......BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  14. #134
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the
    pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.
    It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as
    the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive
    pink envelope in the plate.

    This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity,
    approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000
    a week in the collection plate," he stated.

    "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give
    some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how
    much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

    The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do
    for a living?"
    "He is a veterinarian," she answered.
    "That is an honorable profession," the pastor said.
    "Where does he practice?"
    The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las
    Vegas and one in Reno."
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  15. #135
    Registered User FrednPatti's Avatar
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    SUCK A Healthy Penis Today!

    SUCK A Healthy Penis Today!

    Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after sucking a Healthy Penis. This is because Healthy Semen contains a protein that the body converts into serotonin which is known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

    PMS: Forget the pills -- suck a Healthy Penis. The semen regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

    Anemia: Healthy Penis semen can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

    Blood Pressure: Healthy Penis semen is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So Much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has approved whereas physicians can make official claims for the Healthy Semen's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

    Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by sucking at least ten Healthy Penises at breakfast, break and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the protein packed Healthy Semen can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

    Constipation: A huge amount of Healthy Semen strategically placed high in the lower intestinal tract can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. (Note: drink enough semen and that has a much better mild laxative effect! - Iona).

    Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is suck at least six very large Healthy Penises smothered with honey and milk. The Healthy Semen, with the help of the honey, calms the stomach and builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

    Heart burn: Healthy Semen has a natural antacid effect in the body. So, if you suffer from heart burn, suck a few of those Healthy Penises dry for soothing relief.

    Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing some Healthy Semen from the inside of a condom or from a friend on the affected area. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

    Nerves: Healthy Semen sucked rapidly from six well-hung, full-of-cum studs help calm the nervous system and restores natural balance.

    Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by sucking on quite a large number of Healthy Penises
    every two hours or so to keep levels steady. In fact, semen itself is the best "comfort food" around!

    Ulcers: Healthy Semen can be used as a dietary approach against intestinal disorders because of its creamy texture and smoothness. Healthy Penis juice is the only know protein that can be ingested without distress in over chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

    Temperature control: Research findings in Australia reveal that sucking Healthy Penises is a way that can lower a higher level of anxiety as well as physical temperature spikes. For example, eighty-percent of the research subjects who sucked at least ten Healthy Penises in a twenty-four period maintained a very stable emotional status and cooler temperatures. (Note: This is especially true for women starting menopause!)

    Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Regularly sucking Healthy Penises can help SAD sufferers because Healthy Semen contains a natural mood enhancer...sperm.

    Smoking: Sucking Healthy Penises can also help people trying to give up smoking.
    Healthy Semen aids the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal. In fact, it's a healthy alternative to smoking, when you have an urge to smoke, replace it with delicious penis and get a tasty snack too!

    Stress: Healthy Semen is vital to help normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, there by reducing our level of Healthy Penis juice. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high amount of Healthy Semen.

    Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine sucking Healthy Penises as part of a regular, daily routine can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

    Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that, if you want to kill off a wart, take a freshly used condom full of Healthy Semen, roll it up toward the reservoir and then apply the sperm still in the condom directly on the wars. Carefully hold the condom in place with a plaster of surgical tape!

    Healthy Semen is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to other fluids, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best methods to obtain satisfying "foods!"

    So maybe its time to change that well known phrase so that we say, "A Healthy Penis a day keeps the doctor away."

    If Semen was regulated and classified as a food, it would fall easily into the Dairy Group of foods, however it would also be much healthier for you then eggs or milk!
    Celebrating 10 Years of Spring Fling Fun at Hedo in 2018!

    Virgin Trip Hedo III 4/10-17/2008
    New Years Eve, Dec.26 to Jan 3, 2009 Bare Bottom Bunch
    Fred's 60th Birthday Celebration 07/16-21/2009
    Co-Host of kitten & angel's Spring Fling April 2009 - 2017
    Co-Host of kitten & angel's Spring Fling 04/07 ~ 04/14/2018


    kitten & angel's 10th Anniversary Spring Fling 2018 - April 07~14
    http://www.kittennangel.com/




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