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Thread: Tell your Hedo jokes!!

  1. #1
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    Tell your Hedo jokes!!

    So a horse and a chicken are on the farm. The horse fall in a 10 foot hole and asks the chicken to help get out him. The chicken runs to the farm house to get the BMW, drives back, ties a rope to the bumper, throws the ropes in the hole and pulls the horse out.

    The next day the chick falls into the hole. The chick asks the horse to go to the farm house to get the BMW. The horse says no and, instead, squats over the hole, letting his penis dangle down. The chicken grabs the horse's penis and gets out of the hole.

    The moral of the story . . . . . .












    If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to get the chicks.

  2. #2
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    Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

    His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?'









    ....and she's always sound asleep.

  3. #3
    Registered User ManOfTheCloth's Avatar
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    A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

    After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

  4. #4
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    Is there no humor on the forum?

  5. #5
    Registered User Rebelwolf's Avatar
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    Once on a trip to Hedonism a single guy meets a 57 year old woman. She's almost twenty years older than he but she looks good for her age and besides He's been alone for most of the week.

    They drink in the piano bar, then drink and dance at the disco. After the disco they are in a hot tub when she asks if he's ever had a sportsman's double.

    He's not familiar with the term so she explains that it's a mother daughter threesome.

    He's geting excited as she tells him tonight might just be his lucky night.

    They go back to her room and while he is getting undressed she knocks on the adjoining room door and says "Hey mom, you still awake?"
    Dave and Carolyn Jamaica Gemini's
    Because everyone has a naughty twin that comes out to play at Hedo!
    Oct 30th - Nov 7th 2009. Kink Week and Wild Women's Week.

  6. #6
    Registered User JAnewbies's Avatar
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    What's the best thing that can come out of a penis...


    The wrinkles...


    Is your glass "half full," or "half empty"... At Hedo, who cares... go ahead and fill it up every time you're near the bar...

  7. #7
    Registered User jimandkristy's Avatar
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    JWell, I have a question for you...

    Since you seem to be telling the jokes around here, is the 8:00 show different from the 10:00 show?? If it is, I will buy tickets for each.
    Again with flip-cup??


    4/24-4-29 2006
    5/12-5/19 2007
    11/3-11/10 2007
    5/2-5/9 2009

    7/30-8/6 2011 First time at H2
    7-28-8/4 2012 H2

  8. #8
    Registered User Uniflip's Avatar
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    A man walks in to a bar, and says "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."

    The bartender says, "Seems as though you've got a major stuttering problem."

    The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!"

    The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven't stuttered since!"

    The man says, "W-w-wow, th-th-that's great to kn-kn-know..."

    A week later, the same man walks in to the bar, and says, "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."

    The bartender says, "Why didn't you try what I told you?"

    "I d-d-did!" said the man, "It j-j-just d-d-didn't w-w-work... ....b-b-but I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-n-nice apartment!"
    Next trip - Hedo II Feb 2022,


    Nov '07 '08 '09 '10 '15 '19 - with Wild Women & Kink in the Caribbean, I miss Hedo 3.

  9. #9
    Registered User JAnewbies's Avatar
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    An out of work piano player applies for a job one day at a local lounge. The manager asks what type of songs do you play, to which he replies, all originals, I write my own stuff.

    The manager says well, let's here what ya got. The man starts playing and the most beautiful melody begins to rise from the piano. The manager, highly impressed at what he hears, stops the man and says "what do you call this one"... the man says "this one's called, grab her by the hair and shove your dick in her mouth"... Shocked, the manager says, "how bout we hear a different song"...

    The man begins to play another equally beautful song. The manager is just amazed at how great this man is and while he is wondering how such a talent is unemployed, he stops him again and asks, "what's the name of this one"... The man replies, "Oh, this one is called "spin her around and fuck her from behind"... The manager just about loses it. He says I'll tell you what sonny... I like your sound and it's obvious that you have talent, so I'm gonna give you the job on one condition... and that condition is that you keep your titles a secret and not tell anyone. The man agrees and starts that night.

    That night, as passeby's here the music from the street and wander in, the place is suddenly at full capacity and the tip jar is overflowing. After about an hour of playing, he stands up and announces to the crowd, "folks, I'm gonna take a quick break and I'll be back in 5 minutes." He makes his way to the bathroom and after releiving himself, he turns and starts to leave the bathroom. A guest entering the bathroom as he is leaving stops him and politely says' "hey buddy, do you know your fly's unzipped and your cock's hanging out"???

    A huge smile comes across the man's face as he excitedly replies... KNOW IT... I WROTE IT!!!
    Last edited by JAnewbies; 09-10-2007 at 11:30 PM.


    Is your glass "half full," or "half empty"... At Hedo, who cares... go ahead and fill it up every time you're near the bar...

  10. #10
    Registered User ManOfTheCloth's Avatar
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    There is a priest who is summoned by the archbishop. He had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box. He called every priest he knew. None were available. He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said "I don't know, our religions are very different." The priest said "It's okay you line the sin up with the punishment on this chart." The rabbi gave in and decided to fill in. The next few days the rabbi listened to confessions and helped the people. The third day a man came in and said"Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: How have you sinned?" Person: I had anal sex." The rabbi was stumped for that sin was not on the chart. So the rabbi asked the man to wait. The rabbi asked everyone what the punishment was for anal sex. Finally the altar boy walked in. The rabbi asked what does the father give you for anal sex?












    The altar boy replied "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."

  11. #11
    Registered User ManOfTheCloth's Avatar
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    Sunday School

    Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. "Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?" William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary." Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question. "Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!" Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"

  12. #12
    Registered User vader7071's Avatar
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    True story from our trip to Hedo 3.

    A bunch of us were sitting at the naked pool and we all noticed that one guy had "WY" tattooed on his wanker. Well of course we had to ask. He said it was a present to his wife. Her name is WENDY. While we all thought he was nuts, we had to agree it was cool.

    A little later on, he stepped away to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came back with a look of astonishment on his face. He said "I just have to tell you this."

    "I was in the bathroom and Furnace walked in. (BTW, for those who don't know, Furnace is part of the EC). We were standing there pissing, and I just happened to notice he had "WY" tattooed on his wanker. So I HAD to ask if his wife's nam was Wendy also after explaining my tattoo. He loked down and laughed. He said (get this)....

    No mon, it says "Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"
    If you never take the chance to be wrong, you never have the opportunity to be right.

    http://www.darksidev2.com/hedo...Days of the DAMNED !!!!

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    He said / she said

    He said: "It's just too hot to wear clothes today. Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn naked?"

    She said: "Probably that I married you for your money."

    He said: "Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I've want to make love to you really badly."

    She said: "Well, you've succeeded."

    He said: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give you?"

    She said: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

    He said: "Let's try swapping positions tonight?"

    She said: "Fine. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

  14. #14
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    oldie but goody

    Two sperms were swimming along next to each other, when one sperm says "I am really tired! How long before we get to the fallopian tubes?"
    "Ages" says the other sperm, "we have only just gone past the tonsils"
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

  15. #15
    Registered User Kelley's Avatar
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    Best "Out-of-Office" Auto-Replies-...so start looking into which one to use on your next trip to Hedo 2/3.

    1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to let the position. Be prepared for my mood.

    2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

    3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

    4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

    5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

    6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system..You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

    7. I've run away to join a different circus.

    AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

    8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons..When I return, please refer to me as "Margaret" instead of "Steve" .
    "Pirates are crude, vile, highly
    offensive creatures who compensate for their lack of knowledge and manners
    with debauchery. Now everyone can stop with nicey, nicey and start being Pirates!!! AARRRGGGGHHH! !!!!"

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