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Thread: a lifestyle question

  1. #1
    Registered User airbrushjim's Avatar
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    a lifestyle question

    my wife and I are not in the lifestyle, but we do have some fantasys we may want to experiment with. my questions is, I was just woundering how many people here are in the lifestyle, and how has it affected your relationship with your spouse.
    and could you explain the difference between full swap and soft swap

    airbrushjim

  2. #2
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    Hi AirbrushJim. As our name suggests we are newbies and haven't actually had any personal experiences yet. But I have discovered that soft swap is the play without full penetration.

  3. #3
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    airbrushjim: I think the best advice I can offer is make sure you and your spouse are completely solid, open and honest with one other, and can talk about anything and everything without hesitation, If you feel uncomfortable talking about any experimenting you want to try, then this may not be the time....you can have absolutly no jealousy!....its been 3 years for us and it has been great......there are certain rules we both abide by and that makes it work.

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    You should have a good talk and come up with rules for yourself. Every couple has their own rules, yours may be different from ours. Some items to discuss:

    - Always play together or can we play apart? (suggest always together to start)
    - Kissing others is OK or no-no? (this varies widely)
    - Body shots is OK or no-no?
    - Feeling others is OK or no-no?
    - Oral sex is OK or no-no?
    - Intercourse is OK or no-no?
    - At what point do we wear protection?
    - If anyone, at any time says "no" then stop and take it as "no, thank you, I've reached my limit."
    - Have some well defined signals for "this is fun, keep going!" and "we need to talk!" and "I'm not comfortable with this situation/these people." and "help me, get out of this!"

  5. #5
    Registered User CopNkitten's Avatar
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    Always play together
    Yes
    Yes
    Yes
    Yes
    Yes
    Always for Intercourse
    Always take no for no
    Co-Hosts of kitten + angel's 15th Annual Spring Fling April 9th - 16th, 2022 (We will be onsite 4/7/22 - 4/18/22) http://www.kittennangel.com/

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    Post removed.
    Last edited by RembrandtX; 06-05-2009 at 11:38 AM.

  7. #7
    Registered User Moorerotic's Avatar
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    Rembrandtx

    If you don't like the term lifestyle what do you prefer?

    I don't find the fact that all your relationships have been with single women that far fetched. You sound like a guy who has his shit together and what woman doesn't want that even if it is a part time gig?

    You haven't been on this forum for too long but I can tell you that your idea of really bringing that second woman in on an emotion level as girlfriend to both of you is unique around these parts. That's why you've had success there were others haven't.

    My experience with lifestyle couples in the real world and the general tone of this forum is keep the second woman at an emotional distance especially from the male, as mandated by the female. I know women in the lifestyle who don't even want to appear in a photograph with a woman they think is more attractive than them.

    For example, if hubby is really turned on by Latinas with small tits and big asses then wifey only lets him play with asian babes with small asses and big tits.

    Your wife is simply not putting the brakes on your ability have those relationships.

    It sounds like you're leaving those single women in better shape than you found them so just keep up the good work.

    And thanks for the good advice.

    Dean

    Thanks for laying out specifics. A lot of times people are too vague with their advice. I've often found that my definition of terms like anything and everything are much broader that most womens.

    airbrushjim

    Take the conversation out way farther than you actually expect to go. In the heat of the moment women can REALLY surprise you.

    One of my swinger friend sent years trying to get his wife to go to a lifestyle club. All they discussed prior to going was "soft swap", but she ended up pulling a 15+ guy train her first night. Luckily he rolled with it, but you can imagine that could have caused huge problems.

    Another good friend had never had anal sex with his wife so that obviously wasn't part of their swinger discussion. I end up in a threeway with them at a party and she offers me the starfish. He was not a happy boy.

    So again be so honest with your talk that you can go everywhere, even the crazy pornoland stuff that you don't ever expect to actually do. You don't want to get blindsided.
    Adversity is like a flame, it melts the weak but it tempers the strong.

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    Post removed.
    Last edited by RembrandtX; 06-05-2009 at 11:38 AM.

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    How does a single girl get into the lifestyle?

    I'm totally fascinated about "the lifestyle". How does a single girl find couples to be involved with?
    Here for the Party!

  10. #10
    Registered User Moorerotic's Avatar
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    Rembrandtx

    I believe that because the wife has been pressured in a lot of those situations she maintains a certain leverage, almost a mind kind of revenge, definitely a power struggle.

    Also the fact that the number of TRULY bi women is a lot smaller that folks want to believe is a factor to.

    One thing you really have going for you is that you're grateful. In the past few years, I've grown much more aware of who appreciates what they have and who doesn't. You appreciate strong relationships, and your wife appreciates that that benefits her.
    Adversity is like a flame, it melts the weak but it tempers the strong.

  11. #11
    Registered User critter2's Avatar
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    Bmyvalentine, just show up at Hedo2 in November from the 10th on and we will let you be involved with us!!! Of coarse we have to come back home the 23rd but you could always come with us!! ;>}
    critter2
    Delroy's,last trip was Nov.22nd-26th 2013 and then Cliffside Nov.27th-Dec.2nd. Next trip Nov.21-22nd White Sands,Nov23rd-30th Delroys!!
    Bill N Donna

  12. #12
    Registered User CopNkitten's Avatar
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    Bmy you can also check the swingers sites for people local to you.
    Swinglifestyle.com is a good place that we are on. Many others as well.
    Just remember that as a single female you are the top of the food chain so to speak. You can have anything your heart desires. Men, women, couples, multiple couples, mix and match any combo, lol.
    Man looks like alot of great people going to H2 in November, we are going during our yearly vacation in September.
    Co-Hosts of kitten + angel's 15th Annual Spring Fling April 9th - 16th, 2022 (We will be onsite 4/7/22 - 4/18/22) http://www.kittennangel.com/

  13. #13
    the best policy that me and hubby have is trust. we always play together . sometimes in same room sometimes in differebt rooms. depends on the couple or person we are with. no is no. we both need to like the other couple or we dont play. in this lifestlye you have to set guidelines between the both of you and follow them for it to work.

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