Lifestyle terminology question

**JuicyLucie** · 04-16-2019, 10:28 AM

I like to play. My husband is on the fence. When I broach the subject with friends who are couples, how do I say I am interested in participating but definately not intercourse without sounding like a newbie!

**NCcouple43** · 04-16-2019, 10:56 AM

Soft swap

**2Nats** · 04-16-2019, 02:51 PM

Soft swap usually means no penile penetration, but most other things are on the menu. However, it's best just to be clear about what your boundaries are with people upfront, before play. Different people have different comfort levels for different kinds of play. Not everyone is full swap. People will respect your boundaries if you make them clear ahead of time. Don't do more than you both feel comfortable with. There's no hurry to get anywhere.

**ShyinOntario** · 04-16-2019, 04:12 PM

The other way to go is say you're "situational". It's a little less informative, but probably works better at least for your husband... depending on the situation, he may do nothing, but may want to do lots...

One thing though... if you say you're situational and you actually want to play with them... you should follow up with an indication that you're attracted to them... if not, they may think you're not into them and not go anywhere.

**Desert Dwellers** · 04-16-2019, 04:56 PM

Originally Posted by JuicyLucie

I like to play. My husband is on the fence. When I broach the subject with friends who are couples, how do I say I am interested in participating but definately not intercourse without sounding like a newbie!

Are these friends in the lifestyle or are you looking to flip some who are "swing curious" vanilla?

If they are in the lifestyle then they should know the lingo... "Soft play" or "soft swap" will be a clear starting point for the conversation.

If they are new then there is little chance to "sound like a newbie", but ample opportunity to miscommunicate. Suggest the "soft" terms as above and then take the time to make sure all parties understand what that means.

**JuicyLucie** · 04-19-2019, 01:19 PM

Is it still called soft swap if only I show up to meet my Hedo couple friends in the play room and my husband stays behind at the bar?

Thanks for the info, much appreciated everyone! I have Hedo friends of all descriptions and I want to have sexual contact with them ALL.... just don't want to be misunderstood . Your advice is helpful.

**JuicyLucie** · 04-19-2019, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Desert Dwellers

Are these friends in the lifestyle or are you looking to flip some who are "swing curious" vanilla?

If they are in the lifestyle then they should know the lingo... "Soft play" or "soft swap" will be a clear starting point for the conversation.

If they are new then there is little chance to "sound like a newbie", but ample opportunity to miscommunicate. Suggest the "soft" terms as above and then take the time to make sure all parties understand what that means.

Now that I have looked more closely at your suggestion I see SOFT PLAY is what I am into until my hubby gets down off the fence anyways!

**Snafu** · 10-13-2019, 03:03 PM

Best way to let it known that we want to try soft swap ,wife on the fence .

**sexylady** · 10-14-2019, 07:34 AM

It is cool to be clear. Just say, how about a threesome without my husband. Also, state your limitations. Say you are new - nothing wrong in being a newbie, and don't know your boundaries. But, at any stage if you say 'NO" then that's where it ends. Most people will understand that you wish to make it slowly. If you want to sound experienced, but behave like a novice, then that may not go down very well. Best, choices are made by being yourself, and making things clear. many will take you under their tutelage to train you and make you an expert. It is in their interest. Another way is to let your husband approach and give them permission to play with his wife with whatever limitations. Usually folks feel safe when the husband approaches for the wife. They know they will have no subsequent issues. We are in the same boat as you. People always feel comfortable when my husband approaches, rather than me.

**sexylady** · 10-14-2019, 07:58 AM

Another way is to let your husband approach and give them permission to play with his wife with whatever limitations. Usually folks feel safe when the husband approaches for the wife. They know they will have no subsequent issues. We are in the same boat as you. People always feel comfortable when my husband approaches, rather than me.

**Snafu** · 10-14-2019, 10:24 AM

Thanks great advice .

**Snafu** · 10-14-2019, 10:52 AM

Thanks great advice .

**toohorny** · 10-14-2019, 05:04 PM

The best thing would be honest with the couple in what you are looking for. Some couples are full swap only, but a lot will also soft swap. Is your husband going to want to watch or wait at the bar for you. Are they ok with girl girl play or only guy girl play.

You should also let them know how long of a play session you were thinking of, some people like quickies others all nighters. If you plan to have husband approach the others, I would recommend you be in earshot or waving distance at least so they know you are on board with his suggestions and he is not a creeper.

One thing that has worked for us, meet a couple, in talking with them causally mention what you are looking for in a no pressure place (ie pool for example). Then tell them if they are interested to find us sometime on your trip and let us know.