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Thread: How do you decline, gracefully?

  1. #1
    Registered User jsquared's Avatar
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    How do you decline, gracefully?

    Heading to H2 in a few weeks for our third visit. SOOO ready to be there now! Wife and I are not fully in the swinging crowd, but have played around some both at H2 as well as our club at home. Here is the question: How do you say no thank you when propositioned without sounding offensive? I think a simple 'no thank you' is ok, and have used 'not at this time' before, but is there a better way? My wife has said to people before that we are very selective - but to me that sounds very insulting - kind of like saying you aren't good enough for us! For us to play with others it is completely a spur of the moment thing, not planned. We had a couple back in our room for the first time last April after playing with them in the pool. Had a great time even though I had a little bit of performance anxiety. (I did look at her and smiled, said at least my tongue still works!)

    What are the best ways you have said no to other people interested?

  2. #2
    Registered User sccouple's Avatar
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    A simple "no thank you" works 99% of the time. The small minority that keep being persistent even after the polite answer get a more direct one.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator 2naughty's Avatar
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    Usually a polite no thank you works fine. Usually at some point in the conversation "are you in the life style?" Crops up and if we're not really interested we usually say not really we've dabbled but not much. And if we're interested we say hell ya we swing from chandeliers!
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    Registered User sexylady's Avatar
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    Normally, 'no thank you', 'not at this time', If you are not then 'I am not in the LS', if you have a previous appointment then. 'I am busy - let us meet up next' everything works. Body language is so powerful that people usually get the message and move on. But, if you are interested, and for whatever reasons is 'not now', then you must get the message across. Yes, declining on the basis of selection - body mass, color, looks and whatever, is discriminatory. One could even say, I don't know you well enough, let's meet up often enough and let's see what happens. You don't have to avoid, but you can evade, politely.
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  5. #5
    Registered User lacdeloo's Avatar
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    First no is graceful, shouldnt have to repeat yourself. If you need to repeat yourself, simply turn away, ignore and walk away together. Dont worry about other people or couples, the only important ones are you and Domino.

  6. #6
    Registered User PNK's Avatar
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    Possible replies:
    1. Please take a number. You will be #23
    2. Please get your people to call my people and set up an appointment
    3. Let's do lunch -- a week from Friday
    4. Don't have my DayTimer handy. I'll get back to you
    5. Sorry. Left my iPhone in the room (they are not allowed down here, you know). But I'll get back to you -- soon

    Or the best one ever:

    Thank you for the offer, but we are not into it right now. But we are flattered.

    In the past, a simple "No Thanks", and a smile has been all that was needed to keep everyone happy and still friends.

    PNK

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by sexylady View Post
    Yes, declining on the basis of selection - body mass, color, looks and whatever, is discriminatory.
    So? What is wrong with that? I am not in the Lifestyle, but if I was I would only have sex with someone that I want to. It is not "first come, first served".
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  8. #8
    Registered User sexylady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zork View Post
    So? What is wrong with that? I am not in the Lifestyle, but if I was I would only have sex with someone that I want to. It is not "first come, first served".
    Sure, that is a personal opinion, nothing to fret about.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsquared View Post
    Heading to H2 in a few weeks for our third visit. SOOO ready to be there now! Wife and I are not fully in the swinging crowd, but have played around some both at H2 as well as our club at home. Here is the question: How do you say no thank you when propositioned without sounding offensive? I think a simple 'no thank you' is ok, and have used 'not at this time' before, but is there a better way? My wife has said to people before that we are very selective - but to me that sounds very insulting - kind of like saying you aren't good enough for us! For us to play with others it is completely a spur of the moment thing, not planned. We had a couple back in our room for the first time last April after playing with them in the pool. Had a great time even though I had a little bit of performance anxiety. (I did look at her and smiled, said at least my tongue still works!)

    What are the best ways you have said no to other people interested?
    A very good question. We don't find it difficult getting the message across that we're not interested... but, I think most people struggle with doing it in a nice way without insulting (usually) very nice people.

    It's come up with us a couple times at Hedo. We become friends with a couple and they're fun to hang out with, but one or both of us aren't interested in playing with them. They already know that we're interested in swinging while at Hedo and they ask us if we want to "play"! We're trapped! What do we do!

    If the other couple is experienced in the LS they should expect to get rejected some of the time and likely have some self awareness as to how attractive they are. For these people, a simple smile and some kind words (I'm flattered, you guys are great/awesome, we love hanging out with you, etc...) followed by "we're just not feeling it" will usually do the trick. Things may be awkward for a little, but if you continue to hang out with them and move on like nothing happened, things usually go well. Don't be insulted if they're looking for more than you're willing to offer and they move onto the next couple.

    If the other couple is less experienced or you think they could easily be insulted or have their esteem crushed by being rejected... then I would approach things a little differently. I would answer with a question like "have you guys done a lot of swinging?", "what were you guys thinking of doing?"... then after some discussion where we indicate that we're flattered and try to assume some guiding kind of role for these new to the LS couple, we would revert back to "I hope this doesn't come off in the wrong way, we're just not feeling it".

    For the random guy walking around with whipped cream, that drunk couple at the nude pool, the people you've barely talked to, or the people you've talked to and aren't interested in seeing again for the rest of the week... "no thank you" works perfectly fine and rarely needs to be followed up with "seriously, get the fuck away from me!".

    I hope this helps.
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  10. #10
    Registered User jshell's Avatar
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    Just say you want to pass with no hard feelings. This is not a big issue.

  11. #11
    Registered User jshell's Avatar
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    A good portion of Hedo guests are on a mission to hook up. They only have a week (usually), so time is a factor. They know it's a numbers game and they expect rejection as part of that. The goal is to ask and eliminate possibilities in the search for success. Rejection is expected, so help them move on and not waste "their time" either. They will respect and appreciate your honesty.

  12. #12
    Registered User foxxyandhound's Avatar
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    say what you mean and mean what you say..... if you say no mean it... don't say not right now... they will be back before you know it...lol
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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by ShyinOntario View Post
    A very good question. We don't find it difficult getting the message across that we're not interested... but, I think most people struggle with doing it in a nice way without insulting (usually) very nice people.

    It's come up with us a couple times at Hedo. We become friends with a couple and they're fun to hang out with, but one or both of us aren't interested in playing with them. They already know that we're interested in swinging while at Hedo and they ask us if we want to "play"! We're trapped! What do we do!

    If the other couple is experienced in the LS they should expect to get rejected some of the time and likely have some self awareness as to how attractive they are. For these people, a simple smile and some kind words (I'm flattered, you guys are great/awesome, we love hanging out with you, etc...) followed by "we're just not feeling it" will usually do the trick. Things may be awkward for a little, but if you continue to hang out with them and move on like nothing happened, things usually go well. Don't be insulted if they're looking for more than you're willing to offer and they move onto the next couple.

    If the other couple is less experienced or you think they could easily be insulted or have their esteem crushed by being rejected... then I would approach things a little differently. I would answer with a question like "have you guys done a lot of swinging?", "what were you guys thinking of doing?"... then after some discussion where we indicate that we're flattered and try to assume some guiding kind of role for these new to the LS couple, we would revert back to "I hope this doesn't come off in the wrong way, we're just not feeling it".

    For the random guy walking around with whipped cream, that drunk couple at the nude pool, the people you've barely talked to, or the people you've talked to and aren't interested in seeing again for the rest of the week... "no thank you" works perfectly fine and rarely needs to be followed up with "seriously, get the fuck away from me!".

    I hope this helps.
    Usually all you need to do to ward off the "random guy walking around with whipped cream" is to tell him you have "Diabetes" or maybe your "lactose intolerant" or hell, just tell him your deathly afraid of thick white sticky goo.........Bawhawhaw!
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  14. #14
    Registered User hedovirgin$'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoDoHedoWeDo View Post
    Usually all you need to do to ward off the "random guy walking around with whipped cream" is to tell him you have "Diabetes" or maybe your "lactose intolerant" or hell, just tell him your deathly afraid of thick white sticky goo.........Bawhawhaw!
    The problem is "the random guy walking around with whipped cream" is usually your hubby. Save a can until we show up on the 4th!

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by hedovirgin$ View Post
    The problem is "the random guy walking around with whipped cream" is usually your hubby. Save a can until we show up on the 4th!
    This is him.......and I'll have a can with your name on it!
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