Trip Report April 16–23, 2017
This was our 8th trip to Hedo and our second with Kitten and Angel. Last year when I suggested going with Kitten and Angel in April, Herladyship was sceptical (as she is with any of my suggestions) but reluctantly agreed, providing I agreed to a lengthy “to do” list when we returned home (see April 10-17, 2016 Trip Report for details lol). As it turns out, she had such a great time with Kitten and Angel (she was even planning her costumes on the plane ride home) that she insisted on going with them again this year...and I didn’t even have to agree to a “to do” list when we arrived home!
Travel
We flew with WestJet this year as we always do...love the direct flight Torotno to Montego Bay. We also prefer to travel on Sunday as there is far less congestion at the airport and in Montego Bay itself. All flights were on time and we even arrived in MoBay a few minutes early. The hallway leading to the arrival hall was very crowded at first, but only because some minor airport security person insisted on checking passports and caused a backup. Once through, the lines moved quickly through Immigration, our bags were waiting by the carousel as usual, handed in our declarations at Customs and quickly found our WestJet rep. who had someone carry Herladyship’s bag to the bus (and of course we could “show our appreciaton”). DAMN...it was a large bus and we were the first ones there, that’s not a good sign. I knew we would be in for a long wait and we would have time for a beer...probably two! People slowly began to filter in and we were eventually on our way, the bus was nearly full. Once we got outside of Montego Bay the driver announced that there were to be stops at various hotels but would we like to stop for a pee and a drink...there was dead silence, just get us there! We stopped at 4 hotels before arriving at Hedo, but I must admit that the driver was very efficient and did not waste any time at any of the stopping points. When we arrived at Hedo I always expect some self-righteous person to condemn us to eternal damnation, but that didn’t happen. From landing to arriving at Hedo: 3 hours, 10 minutes.
Check in and First Evening (Sunday)
Our bags were quickly unloaded and I presented the front desk with the completed check-in form that K&A has sent us, that certainly saved some time. The concierge took both our suitcases and as we headed to the dining room he went to the right instead of to the left...wait a minute, we booked Ocean View Regular, we need to go the other way! Anyway, we didn’t question him and he lead us to an Ocean View Nude room and opened the door and showed us the room and gave us our door cards. We have been upgraded!
(Note: In our original booking we had only requested a ground floor room if possible due to a slight mobility issue. Herladyship had a knee replacement this past September and she wasn’t quite 100% with stairs yet).
We were assigned Room 2103 which is about as central as you can get on the resort. When they say Ocean View, well, there is some view of the ocean but mostly we saw the back of the Flame restaurant and the washroom behind the Watersports. However, we didn’t really care about the view and are very grateful to Hedonism for their consideration...one of those special things that happen!
After doing some unpacking we headed to the nude pool at 5:00 o’clock to get a drink and relax a bit. We spoke with another couple for a while and had a few drinks, however, I noticed the bartenders were being very generous when making the drinks. We were the last ones in the pool and I think they were trying to get rid of us, which worked because we were both friggin’ hammered! We weaved our way back to our room to get changed for K&A Bunny night. It was Schoolgirl night and Bunny night for K&A. Herladyship had bought a bunny outfit for the evening and in attempt to get dressed, the panty hose would not cooperate and it turned into a wrestling match. Soon the pantyhose went flying across the room with her stating: “I’m not going to be any fucking bunny!” I have been married long enough to know when to back off! “Let’s just go and get something to eat” I said, trying to cut my losses. During dinner both our heads started to hit the plate...only a couple of hours sleep the night before and those drinks had put us under. Back to the room and in bed by 9. Normally 3 rum and cokes for me would be like giving a bear a strawberry, but damn, those drinks were strong...and I missed Schoolgirl/Bunny night!
Daily Routine
Our usual daily routine is probably the same as everyone else...get up, breakfast, back to room to ditch clothes and slather on sun block, head to the nude pool, socialize in the pool, lunch at nude grill or dining room, socialize in pool or attend afternoon activities, hot tub, room for shower and change for theme, dinner, show, piano bar, ect.
Monday
Monday was the K&A Beach Party held on the Prude Beach near the Sandals Library. A very well attended event despite the threatening and rainy weather. Those of us who were not at the Saturday evening reception received our K&A swag bags...there was so much stuff in it that I won’t even go into it, but was delighted to receive a new K&A mug as the airlines had damaged mine from the previous year. There was food provided and a serve-yourself bar while people mingled. Group leader Fred kept himself busy at water’s edge by applying K&A tattoos to the ladies...mostly on the left boob...I love watching a person who has a passion for their work!
The Cocktail Reception was at 6 in the Piano Bar where we again socialized and had our “mug shots” taken by Cop (yeah, we were dressed).
This evening was Jamaican colours night and although we don’t always dress up we do like to participate at times. The K&A costume contests on the pool deck are always well attended and many of the costumes are nothing short of astounding!
Tuesday
Today was catamaran cruise day, this time going to the west end. There were a lot of people on board, however, it was not what we considered crowded. As we boarded we were entertained by Rasta Ralphie. The weather looked a bit dodgey at times but we were not rained on. Our first stop was at a reef around the area of Rick’s to snorkel. There was not an abundance of fish to see and largely plants and coral formations (the fish probably left when they heard naked Hedo people were coming). The next stop was at the caves, which I thought I would pass on as I had been in other caves before. However, I decided to go and was pleasantly surprised that this cave was different. It went back about a hundred yards and the farther back you went the more narrow and lower it became. At the end of the cave there was a tunnel that went up to the surface. Caution: the waves become higher at the end of the cave and you have to be careful that they don’t throw you into the roof of the cave. On our return to Hedo we could see the dark clouds over 7 Mile beach. We didn’t get rained on but Hedo had just experienced a heavy rainfall...we missed it. Spent the rest of the afternoon at the nude pool. The Butt Crack Group was there giving out Heinekens (Heinies) to everyyone. There was a large group of people dancing on the beach, including ECs and Winston, in front of the nude bar. I looked at Herladyship and asked her “have you ever seen so many people with smiles on their faces?” This evening was Bare As You Dare Glow Pool Party and there were many very creative ideas.
Wednesday
Finally, the K&A Croquet Tournament! Herladyship has been looking forward to this all year for some reason. The croquet theme was Alice in Wonderland and the group leaders were dressed to the nines in costume and the croquet court decorated as cards! For some reason we were not aware of the theme but I managed to don a pair of rabbit ears from Herladyship’s Bunny Night costume. The previous day she traded me off with Brian&Terri (as she did last year). Her and Brian teamed up and poor Terri was stuck with me again this year. Her and Brian got off to a great start, Terri and I were close behind until I hit a shot that was considered by the ajudicator to be “Out of Bounds”. “I didn’t know the Piano Bar was Out of Bounds”, I protested, but the adjuicator was resolute in his decision and we had to go back and do the previous wicket as a penalty (a least I didn’t spill my drink in the process ;-). Herladyship and Brian easily beat our group and went on to the finals to play the winners of the other groups. In the final match they were far behind until the last wicket when Herladyship made a shot that went through two wickets, hit off the other team’s ball and hit the post...a miraculous shot to win the match (kind of like an overtime goal in Hockey). Note: When we returned home last year she went out and bought a croquet set...she has been practising!
Tonight was Fetish Night and the costumes did not disappoint. The ECs put on a fetish great show that evening as they always do, and of course the K&A contest was well attended and right up to their usual standard.
Thursday
The theme for K&A was Wild Wild West and Herladyship was really looking forward to this one. The theme dinner for K&A is usually held on the pool deck, but due to the threatening weather we were to be inside the dining room by the Japanese restaurant. She was to be a saloon girl (madame) and I chose to be an ex-Confederate Soldier. She bought most of her costume online but decided to make mine and spent weeks making the pants and tunic (there are a lot of bad words in that costume lol). As the time for the contest grew closer, I had some concern about my costume considering the political climate, political correctness, ect. However, I was encouraged to go ahead as history is history and it shouldn’t be sanitized. As it turns out we were awarded first prize in a tie with Woody from Toy Story (we were both awarded the prize for thinking outside the box)! We were really quite humbled as there were a lot of great and creative costumes, which is the norm for K&A. Before the contest even started I thought our group leaders should be awarded the prizes as their costumes were fantastic (OK, so Cop was a Sheriff...not a big stretch lol).
When the contest was over all the K&A group was invited to the dock area for the launching of the wish lanterns. (We whipped over to our room first to get out of our costumes as we were sweltering in them). This is a very special and solemn time, especially for anyone who has lost someone during the year. Herladyship lost her brother in the spring and in the fall she lost a good friend. As the lanterns drifted up, with music in the playing in the background, and filled the sky, many eyes were filled with tears...a very special time indeed. Thanks Kitten and Angel, you really know how to do things right!
After the contest we changed and headed for the Foam Party. The setup was really nice down beside the disco, a great location but they really need a light for the bartenders to pour drinks...just a suggestion! The small pool is also close so you can rinse off quickly.
Friday
Today is the K&A nude volleyball game at the main pool. The game stared out slowly with about 5 or 6 players on each side. the game ebbed and flowed, other people joined in. At one point we realized that our referee, who was a stickler for the rules, had neglected to keep score (lol), oh well, we just wanted to play. Other people were encouraged to join in and by the end there were about 12 or 13 people on each team. We did stop occasionally to change sides and refresh ourselves (purple motherfuckers and later champagne). A great fun time, some tried to actually organize a rotation but with varying opinions that was a dismal failure, lol. After about 2 hours most players had become “pruny” and decided to call the game a draw at about 429 points each!
Tonight was Rock Star Night and Herladyship always enjoys this night, especially whenWinston performs. When calling for birthdays and anniversaries, Winston got us up on the dance floor. We are celebrating our 46th wedding anniversary this month and it was a very nice touch. Due to her knee replacement she still has some mobility issues dancing and my right foot took a beating. 46 years...some guys get life without a chance of parole for their first offense! LOL (I wouldn’t have it any other way).
Our group leaders were again resplendent in their costumes and we were treated to two Elvises (Fred and Cop), or is that Elvae? Some really great costumes... KISS took first prize in the contest, amazing costumes! After the contest the group went into the main bar and held an informal gathering and farewell toast, which lasted until the wee hours.
Saturday
A sad day as many of the group had to leave today. After farewell hugs and handshakes, their bus pulled up and about 10 of us from K&A went up on moon hill and gave the traditional “Hedo Salute” as the bus pulled away.
The afternoon was spent in the pool and hot tub where we socialized with friends foxxyandhound who we knew well from many previous Janauary trips and also met up with LovingLeocouple who recognized us from January (we also have mutual friends). Also met up with some really nice people from the Playful Pussycats who had just come in.
That evening was our last night and we decided to spend it in the piano bar. Earlier in the evening I had completely burned out on VX and diet (the diet soda was getting to me) so switched to Jameson’s Irish Whiskey on the rocks (I don’t do this very often) and it is what Herladyship drinks if she’s beered or wined out. She thoroughly enjoyed listening to and singing along with the karaeoke while I helped foxxyandhound hold up the bar! We closed down the Piano Bar and decided to call it a night, we had to pack in the morning.
Sunday
Packed our stuff (with Jamesons still dancing in our heads), went to the pool for a bit and snagged some Jamaican patties for the plane ride home, check-out (we asked for a bit of an extention on the room but were told the resort was full and they needed to clean our room). Lunch and hung out in the lobby for a while until our shuttle came...you all know the rest of the story.
One of our traditons at the airport is to go to Margarittaville for a farewell drink. We were both a bit hungry so ordered a plate of nachos...big mistake! The platter was enormous...enough to easily feed four. We did our best but only managed to finish less than half! Flight on time and whisked back to Toronto on a full flight on time.
Resort Improvements
The nude pool bar and nude grill are big improvement and the patio with umbrellas by the nude grill (seats about 24-30) is a very welcome addition. Our room of course was the standard Hedo room, dated but clean. The bathroom was obviously patched and repaired but everything worked just fine. We know the bathrooms are scheduled to be updated and from speaking with friends, some already have.
The biggest improvement in the rooms are the air conditioners, each room has their own unit and they are easily programmable and quiet. I feel that this is the reason we met no one with the “Hedo Kennel Cough”.
Food
We found the food plentiful and right up to the usual standard. No lobster this trip but there were plenty of shrimp. Caribbean beef is tough at the best of times, but there are plenty of other options and they really know how to prepare fish and chicken. The desserts are wonderful, much to the delight of our bathroom scale at home who we call “the Liar”. Up until the resort was sold and new owners took over, the desserts were akin to eating tasteless paste.
Bugs
Bugs were not a problem at all. I received two bites and (I am usually on their gourmet list) the whole trip and we did not even use repellant. Around 6 o’clock each evening they spray around the resort so this seems to be working real good.
Weather
This year the weather was very rainy with a lot of downpours, which of course caused the cancellation of some outdoor activities. One lady we spoke to said it was the second worst weather she has seen in her 27 trips. Oh well, it’s Hedo, there is always something to do. Wisely, the resort provides a golf umbrella in each room, and they were used a lot!
The Best Part
The best part of Hedo is the free-spirited people you meet and we got to know a lot of the K&A group even better this year. We were fortunate enough to meet Goldorak (from this board), the only other Canucks that we were aware of with the group. Our only regret is not getting to meet others from this board, we know you were there but unfortunately, with such a large resort we did not cross paths.
K&A Group Leaders
Kitten, Angel, Fred and Cop...the effort you guys put into organizing this group, dressing for themes and running activities is nothing short of monumental! Yet, you still find time to “hold court” at breakfast, socialize in the pool (when you are not organizing an event), and even “burning the midnight oil” with the group after the costume contest in the evening.
Herladyship is already plannning her costume for next year’s K&A theme night!
Respectfully submitted,
CapnMorgan and Herladyship
(a.k.a. John and Toddy)
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