Why be ashamed??

[Danny Boy]

The idea of the 'Happily Ever After' fairytale marriage out of a storybook is really more myth than reality - in fact, for the majority of people, it's not a natural state. Biologically speaking, it's better for the species if there is greater genetic diversity, and we've evolved that way. Most men and women have tendencies that lean toward having multiple sexual partners. As self-aware individuals, we can deny those biological urges if we see that there is a greater benefit in doing so, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Whether your exploration of your biological urges is simply watching, swapping partners, or leading a polyamorous lifestyle with multiple partners, none of those things make you odd or wrong, any more than a monogamous traditional marriage is.

Marriage as a social construct existed solely as a means of assuring paternity until the last hundred years or so. Women were expected to be chaste prior to marriage, and then were expected to be monogamous after. While we often paid lip service to men being held to the same standard, the reality is that is not the case - it's why male infidelity is more tolerated by society than female infidelity is, even today. With the advent of blood and genetic testing, paternity can be determined with a great degree of certainty, so the usefulness of marriage in that regard is gone.

We also evolved as a communal, tribal species. Polygyny, Polyandry, and other forms of polyamory have existed in that context for pretty much all of recorded history, and continue to exist today. In many cultures, children didn't belong to their parents, they belonged to the tribe. It seems odd now, but mixed families of that type have been prevalent throughout most all Humans have the ability to love more than one person. For a polyamorous person, asking them to love just one mate is akin to asking a parent to love only one of their children. Love doesn't have to be exclusive. If a one on one relationship works for you, that's great. If 2x1, 2x2, or some other configuration is better suited to you, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, there's no reason it can't work. Everyone should be so lucky as to be able to be able to define the parameters of their relationship that way, rather than having a set of standards imposed upon them by society that they may or may not really believe in.

Watch the Google Talk I posted above - it should be pretty eye opening for you.

Wow!...well said.....and he can juggle to folks! This guy can do it all....lol

[WickedCouple97]

The idea of the 'Happily Ever After' fairytale marriage out of a storybook is really more myth than reality - in fact, for the majority of people, it's not a natural state. Biologically speaking, it's better for the species if there is greater genetic diversity, and we've evolved that way. Most men and women have tendencies that lean toward having multiple sexual partners. As self-aware individuals, we can deny those biological urges if we see that there is a greater benefit in doing so, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Whether your exploration of your biological urges is simply watching, swapping partners, or leading a polyamorous lifestyle with multiple partners, none of those things make you odd or wrong, any more than a monogamous traditional marriage is.

Marriage as a social construct existed solely as a means of assuring paternity until the last hundred years or so. Women were expected to be chaste prior to marriage, and then were expected to be monogamous after. While we often paid lip service to men being held to the same standard, the reality is that is not the case - it's why male infidelity is more tolerated by society than female infidelity is, even today. With the advent of blood and genetic testing, paternity can be determined with a great degree of certainty, so the usefulness of marriage in that regard is gone.

We also evolved as a communal, tribal species. Polygyny, Polyandry, and other forms of polyamory have existed in that context for pretty much all of recorded history, and continue to exist today. In many cultures, children didn't belong to their parents, they belonged to the tribe. It seems odd now, but mixed families of that type have been prevalent throughout most all Humans have the ability to love more than one person. For a polyamorous person, asking them to love just one mate is akin to asking a parent to love only one of their children. Love doesn't have to be exclusive. If a one on one relationship works for you, that's great. If 2x1, 2x2, or some other configuration is better suited to you, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, there's no reason it can't work. Everyone should be so lucky as to be able to be able to define the parameters of their relationship that way, rather than having a set of standards imposed upon them by society that they may or may not really believe in.

Watch the Google Talk I posted above - it should be pretty eye opening for you.

Well said and I agree
But the "polyamory /polygamy" is my thing where I weird out
If Kim wants to fuck another guy or two or three for that matter that's awesome but I would rather she not fall in love with them.. that was my point, it's hard enough to be in love and in a relationship with one person much less two or more. Sex is one thing, love is entirely another. Not that there is a "right or wrong" to this just an honest question

[GandG]

We don't scream our lifestyle as we live very close to our extended families as in children, parents, and even grandparents , all of which would not understand . It's not that we are ashamed it's just no ones business and I don't need to explain I know some people would never "get" it. I don't want to know about their sex lives anymore than they want to know about mine

[ShyinOntario]

Well said and I agree
But the "polyamory /polygamy" is my thing where I weird out
If Kim wants to fuck another guy or two or three for that matter that's awesome but I would rather she not fall in love with them.. that was my point, it's hard enough to be in love and in a relationship with one person much less two or more. Sex is one thing, love is entirely another. Not that there is a "right or wrong" to this just an honest question

Really? Is polyamory that much of a stretch?

I love plenty of people in addition to my wife. I have deep friendships with people and I would go as far as saying I love most of those people. I don't necessarily sleep with any of them, but I wouldn't be against it under the right circumstances.

I'm OK with my wife loving other people and OK with my wife having sex with other people... I don't think it's a huge step for her to love someone she is also having sex with. I would never deny my wife the pleasure of loving anyone... because I love her and I want her to have the best things in life. Allowing my wife to love other people does not diminish my love for her, or hers for me.

I think the practicalities of maintaining multiple relationships, particularly if kids are involved, would be ridiculously challenging. But I wouldn't say it's weird.

[sexylady]

We are not ashamed of anything. Just do not want any controversies. We want to enjoy life our way, and are not looking to be trailblazers in any advocacy movement. If someone asked us, we would always share otherwise it is no one's business. Everything is permissible between two consenting adults. Morality is out of the window, but respect law.

[happy2us]

...said about Nat&Rob: "Wow!...well said.....and he can juggle to folks! This guy can do it all...."lol

I believe Rob is more of a fire breather than juggler but I've seen him juggle a few (ahem) things at the same time so that counts toward the Renaissance Man street cred.

[twoforfun]

We agree with this.

In this day and age of porn acceptance, flashing and nudity at most night clubs, Mardis Gras parties in most US cities, Fantasy Fest, naked running races, St. Patrick's Day parades, biker rallies, couples frequenting strip clubs, Spring Break, on and on...it is nice to still have a "thing" that is a bit outside the norm and feels naughty.

Nice list. We have a few of these under our belt but thanks for giving us a few more for our bucket list.

[Sabine]

Really? Is polyamory that much of a stretch?

I love plenty of people in addition to my wife. I have deep friendships with people and I would go as far as saying I love most of those people. I don't necessarily sleep with any of them, but I wouldn't be against it under the right circumstances.

I'm OK with my wife loving other people and OK with my wife having sex with other people... I don't think it's a huge step for her to love someone she is also having sex with. I would never deny my wife the pleasure of loving anyone... because I love her and I want her to have the best things in life. Allowing my wife to love other people does not diminish my love for her, or hers for me.

I think the practicalities of maintaining multiple relationships, particularly if kids are involved, would be ridiculously challenging. But I wouldn't say it's weird.

Totally agree with this!

[olibar]

Really? Is polyamory that much of a stretch?

I love plenty of people in addition to my wife. I have deep friendships with people and I would go as far as saying I love most of those people. I don't necessarily sleep with any of them, but I wouldn't be against it under the right circumstances.

I'm OK with my wife loving other people and OK with my wife having sex with other people... I don't think it's a huge step for her to love someone she is also having sex with. I would never deny my wife the pleasure of loving anyone... because I love her and I want her to have the best things in life. Allowing my wife to love other people does not diminish my love for her, or hers for me.

I think the practicalities of maintaining multiple relationships, particularly if kids are involved, would be ridiculously challenging. But I wouldn't say it's weird.

Very well put! And to add to the thoughts of the OP LS and Polyamory are starting to be absorbed into the LGBTQ community as LS and Poly can both be considered Queer. Queer has expanded its definition recently to include anyone who has ever been made to feel ashamed of their sexuality. A broad tent, for sure, but one that my wife and I think sums us up pretty well. And Hedo may be one of the most Queer friendly places on earth! We are simply accepted there and that's why we keep coming back!

[NatAndRob]

I believe Rob is more of a fire breather than juggler but I've seen him juggle a few (ahem) things at the same time so that counts toward the Renaissance Man street cred.

I've got a friend who's going to teach me to juggle, actually, lol. I'll have to demonstrate when we get together sometime.

-R

[SamAndRose]

Question - is there a difference in the lifestyle and the LBGTQ community because of the idea of choice? More and more people are coming to the idea that being LGBTQ is not a choice, but rather it is how people are born. So then that begs the question - is being in the Lifestyle because of choice, or because it is something we are born with?

[jshell]

Our DNA is not monogamy rooted. As the lifestyle is opposite to monogamy, it's likely we are born with lifestyle tendencies, urges and natural magnetism towards it. The only way to beat our human lifestyle tendencies, is to fight our draw to it, which usually results in burn out and frustration, causing resentment.

The added dignity of being in the lifestyle is that each partner knows about it, looks forward to it and lying about being with another is avoided, which is not the case with cheating. The lifestyle is respect, openness and enhances relationships, because it almost eliminates any worry of infidelity.

Cheating on the other hand causes jealousy, distrust and usually the dissolution of any union it creeps into.

[happy2us]

I've got a friend who's going to teach me to juggle, actually, lol. I'll have to demonstrate when we get together sometime.

-R

I know how to juggle. Happy to share my knowledge. Used to do it a lot in college (and not just with women though that can be fun). Might require a trip east.

[olibar]

Question - is there a difference in the lifestyle and the LBGTQ community because of the idea of choice? More and more people are coming to the idea that being LGBTQ is not a choice, but rather it is how people are born. So then that begs the question - is being in the Lifestyle because of choice, or because it is something we are born with?

I think this is why some in the LGBTQ community are skeptical of including LS and Polly under the umbrella and is a matter of some debate. Some in the Queer community embrace Polly and LS because of the common struggle against heteronormativity, but the question of choice in Polly and LS relationships complicates things. Of course, some of the same reasoning excluded Bisexulas from the community for quite some time, but now is much more accepted. I think it's possible that some people are born swingers or Polly and others come to it by choice. But regardless of the reason, many of us remain closeted about this aspect of our life and can suffer feelings of fear or shame for it. I, for one, feel like I was born Polly just as I was born Bi.

[Danny Boy]

I know how to juggle. Happy to share my knowledge. Used to do it a lot in college (and not just with women though that can be fun). Might require a trip east.

Um....i want to learn to juggle....lets make it a party..lol