Threesome Question

**DezelnSteve** · 05-13-2007, 05:36 PM

Hey all,
I have a question for those who have done threesomes, or are considering it. What is the protocol for finding a third? Specifically, in a FMF situation, who picks the "guest female"? The man, woman, both?? In my situation, I think I'd feel most comfortable if I (the female half of the couple) were to choose the guest star. Not sure why that is, though. Maybe because I'd be the one who will be interacting most intimately, so want to make sure there's a strong attraction and good chemistry. Plus, and this will sound very shallow, but I don't want my DH to choose a woman who is WAY hotter than me. LOL. I mean, I like beautiful women, but I think I'd be intimidated by someone who was way younger, thinner, firmer, etc. I kind of like to keep things on my level, insofar as attractiveness goes.

How does it (or would it) work for the rest of you?

Hoping for lots of H2

in August (or just one really good one!),
d

**EHB** · 05-13-2007, 06:59 PM

D: Hope you don't mind my weighing in on this. Funny... As we all get closer to our trips, we have the same thoughts and questions! You don't sound shallow at all to me. We all know what we want, and how we want it. No explanations needed. I was wondering how I should approach a couple, at Hedo. Is there a protocol for that? There has to be a physical attraction and chemistry for me as well. Not looking to go and do things for the sake of a trip report. Want to really enjoy the time that I am having with the person(s) I am with. So couples, I to must ask... Are you open to Women approaching you? E~

**Miamicpl05** · 05-13-2007, 07:13 PM

i can speak for myself here...(i am the "she" in this couple). i know i would be absolutely flattered to be asked by a nice woman to enjoy a little threesome action! and i think i can speak for my "he" half and say that he, too, would be thrilled and honored! i absolutely agree that the chemistry must be right and all parties should feel comfortable enough just talking, sharing laughs, drinking, enjoying time together for a little bit before taking the plunge and doing the deed. there also should be an agreement between the two parties of the couple that they both feel an attraction to the invited third or perhaps they should forego the opportunity. at least that's how it is with us. and i feel that if she doesn't want to play with him, then i won't want to play with her. i prefer, actually, that he is more attracted to her than i am so he gets some pleasure and satisfaction from it.

the worst thing i think is for a third or another couple to exclude one of the participants from playing. all should play or none should play! just my opinion...

**DezelnSteve** · 05-13-2007, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by EbonyHedoBeauty

D: Hope you don't mind my weighing in on this. Funny... As we all get closer to our trips, we have the same thoughts and questions! You don't sound shallow at all to me. We all know what we want, and how we want it. No explanations needed. I was wondering how I should approach a couple, at Hedo. Is there a protocol for that? There has to be a physical attraction and chemistry for me as well. Not looking to go and do things for the sake of a trip report. Want to really enjoy the time that I am having with the person(s) I am with. So couples, I to must ask... Are you open to Women approaching you? E~

Hey EHB, in my opinion, the best way to approach a couple for a threesome is to buddy up to the female half. In my ideal scenario, the single lady and I would enjoy chemistry on a friendly level, most importantly. Then there's the physical attraction. Fortunately, my DH and I tend to share the same ideas of what makes a woman beautiful to us, so if I'm attracted to her, he will most likely be too. I would be very threatened by a woman who approached my DH for a threesome, mainly concerned that she really wanted him but was including me out of obligation. So for us, there's gotta be a female/female bond before anyone is getting down.

If you have the right attitude, you will have no trouble finding what you're looking for. Better yet, change your trip and come to H2 in August. We'll be there 8/11-8/19.

d

**DezelnSteve** · 05-13-2007, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by Miamicpl05

i can speak for myself here...(i am the "she" in this couple). i know i would be absolutely flattered to be asked by a nice woman to enjoy a little threesome action! and i think i can speak for my "he" half and say that he, too, would be thrilled and honored! i absolutely agree that the chemistry must be right and all parties should feel comfortable enough just talking, sharing laughs, drinking, enjoying time together for a little bit before taking the plunge and doing the deed. there also should be an agreement between the two parties of the couple that they both feel an attraction to the invited third or perhaps they should forego the opportunity. at least that's how it is with us. and i feel that if she doesn't want to play with him, then i won't want to play with her. i prefer, actually, that he is more attracted to her than i am so he gets some pleasure and satisfaction from it.

the worst thing i think is for a third or another couple to exclude one of the participants from playing. all should play or none should play! just my opinion...

MC,
Has there ever been a situation where one was attracted to a third and the other was not? Or more specifically, have you ever been attracted to a woman to whom he was not attracted? We have never had that happen to us. We have only had one experience, though, and I chose the girl (it was a surprise to him), but he definitely wasn't complaining!

LOL!
d

**Moorerotic** · 05-14-2007, 12:59 AM

DezelnSteve

I'm a single guy who has been invited into a lot of threesomes over the years. Two of my best friends are also very active lifestylers so I can also give you their perspective.

The female half of the couple seems to always have more power in the decision making whether a male or female is being invited in.

In every situation in which I was the third person, the guy cast a wide net of guys he found to be acceptable, and the woman picked "the one" from that list.

The reasons I believe I was in the net, were the fact that guys figured I was going to steal their wife's heart, I was going to treat her badly, and I was going to be cool with them afterwards.

Because most of my threesomes have been with friends I don't think my looks played much of a factor. At Hedo III last year I think it did. I definitely think I was in the net of certain couples because I was in similar physical shape to the the males. Of course, I was out of the net of other couples for the same reason. My goal is to go to Hedo this fall in the best shape of my life, and hopefully I'll be in as many nets as possible.

On the female as the third side, it seems to work the same way, but the male casts a REALLY BIG net. I was probably in the net with two other dudes at any given time. A female will be in the net with almost every available woman at Hedo, because there is minimal worry about any woman stealing your wife's heart or treating her badly.

When I'm in the US I send a lot of time around lots of dogs. Dogs have what I call a "waiting for something to fall" mentality. They'll wait all day for a piece of the bacon you're cooking to fall like manna from heaven. It doesn't matter if the bacon is raw, burned to a crisp, microscopically small, or large enough to choke on. It's all a gift.

A Hedonism most men are "waiting for something to fall", and that something can be almost any female. Again the female of the couple makes the final decision.

Your worries about being intimidated by other women are extremely common. My swinger friends will not hook up with women who are more attractive than the wife. Period. The woman has to have about the same body shape and a less magnetic personality, but can have a slightly more attractive face.

This causes the husband a lot of pain but he deals with it, because that's how "waiting for something to fall" works. He doesn't complain because he doesn't want to get kicked out of the kitchen.

You need to appreciate how powerful the two girl one guy threeway fantasy is for the average man. It's almost confirmation of your manliness. It's one of those checklist items on your death bed.

In order for a man pull his veto pen on a threeway the guest female has to be absolutely repulsive, unless the guy has done threeways before and is confident there will be more in the future. Don't think for a second that you and Steve have an equal vote.

Obviously I don't know Steve, but why are you "going to be the one who will be interacting most intimately"? Are you not going to let him, or is he just not a get intimate kind of guy?

The reason I get chosen from the net to be "the one" is because I connect with the female in an intimate emotional way well before the sex.

If Steve does connect with the guest female in an intimate way are you coming hard with the cock block?

You need to get this straight before you get Hedo.

Miamicpl05

I adore you. I should put "all should play, or none should play" on a t-shirt. I think the "you two girls play and I'll just sit here and watch (or worse, go for a walk and leave you two alone)" situation is horrible. The one partner excluded situation is a recipe for problems in the future.

**DezelnSteve** · 05-14-2007, 08:36 AM

Moorerotic,
When I say I'd be the one interacting most intimately, that doesn't mean Steve will be jacking off in the corner while I have all the fun! LOL It's more she and I play, he and I play, he and she play, but maybe not AS MUCH as he and I would do. I hope that makes sense. Since we are still feeling our way around all of this, I presently have a rule that he can't get in trouble for anything he does in the moment, and we check in afterward to see if we need to make some new rules. Does that make any sense? I would like to think I wouldn't spoil the moment by flipping out in the middle of the action, especially if I chose the girl. If he chose the girl, I don't know how I'd feel...
d

**Moorerotic** · 05-14-2007, 11:09 AM

d

You'd be surprised how common the hubby jacking in the corner scenario is.

Your round robin play system only needs to make sense to you Steve and the third person.

My experience at Hedo and in life in general is that guys can follow all kinds of rules as long as sex is involved, but for every woman that I've ever been with the power of the experience was "the moment". In that "moment" all rules, even VERY IMPORTANT ones get thrown out the window. Or maybe just unusually passionate women are attracted to me.

Also realize that the dynamic may be a bit different for my because as a single guy I have to talk, I have to spark some attraction in the female. I can't wait for something to fall.

A lot of guys at Hedo barely talk, they let the women set up every thing, and hang back, therefore the guest may see the guy as physically attractive but he won't have that personality appeal that is true attraction for a woman.

**uknewbies** · 05-14-2007, 02:01 PM

In the UK, we have a secret group of people who are called "The Masons". They recognise each other and communicate through a secret handshake. Maybe we should have a Hedo handshake, that everyone recognises as "I want to, do you?" lol

**Uniflip** · 05-14-2007, 04:03 PM

**Uni lifts her left leg up, puts her right hand under the left knee and offers her hand for a shake**

will that do?

**dulcecorazon26** · 05-14-2007, 04:31 PM

DezelnSteve,

I have two words for protocol: EYE CONTACT

That's just my story and I am sticking to it ; )

Sweetheart 26

**uknewbies** · 05-14-2007, 04:50 PM

lol yeh that will do, provided I don't lose my balance in my high heels and fall over lol.

**Miamicpl05** · 05-14-2007, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by Moorerotic

Also realize that the dynamic may be a bit different for my because as a single guy I have to talk, I have to spark some attraction in the female. I can't wait for something to fall.

A lot of guys at Hedo barely talk, they let the women set up every thing, and hang back, therefore the guest may see the guy as physically attractive but he won't have that personality appeal that is true attraction for a woman.

i can tell you that this is definitely NOT our situation...as henry has such a gregarious personality and he generally sets the scenario up. he is the D and i am more the s in our partnership. besides, with his sultry voice and his personality, he can take the lead anytime!!! i love it!!!