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Thread: Newbie, want to experience the lifestyle

  1. #1
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    Newbie, want to experience the lifestyle

    My husband and I will be at Hedo August 11-18 and we want to try the "lifestyle " We are in our 40's and have always wanted to dip our toes into the swingers lifestyle but was to embarrassed to ask questions. Is there going to be any swinger groups at Hedo during that time?

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    Registered User Bottoms Up Crew's Avatar
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    Check the Hedonism II trip calendar for your dates. If nothing is there you can also check Castawaystravel.com and look under hedonism group trips.
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    TABOTA with the Bottoms Up Crew[/CENTER]
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  3. #3
    Registered User FunFlirt's Avatar
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    I think it's fair to say there are opportunities to dip your toes into the lifestyle at Hedo no matter when you go, with or without a group. And if you have questions, this site is a great way to have them answered!

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    Ya I agree with Funflirt anytime at Hedo you would probably be able to dip ones toes , although we never "dipped our toes " on our virgin trip
    I think it maybe on our agenda on our next visit to Hedo , I think the problem is for our first "dipping " we would probably hope to "dip " with a couple
    that is in the same boat as us as opposed a more experienced couple . If anyone has any first time " dipping " experience what would you recommend experienced or non experienced maybe I'm wrong .....

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    Quote Originally Posted by hedovirginomore View Post
    Ya I agree with Funflirt anytime at Hedo you would probably be able to dip ones toes , although we never "dipped our toes " on our virgin trip
    I think it maybe on our agenda on our next visit to Hedo , I think the problem is for our first "dipping " we would probably hope to "dip " with a couple
    that is in the same boat as us as opposed a more experienced couple . If anyone has any first time " dipping " experience what would you recommend experienced or non experienced maybe I'm wrong .....
    That is a really good question hedovirginomore, I would like to know that too. As for me and my husband, we would only dip our toes with couples.

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    Registered User Danny Boy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hedovirginomore View Post
    Ya I agree with Funflirt anytime at Hedo you would probably be able to dip ones toes , although we never "dipped our toes " on our virgin trip
    I think it maybe on our agenda on our next visit to Hedo , I think the problem is for our first "dipping " we would probably hope to "dip " with a couple
    that is in the same boat as us as opposed a more experienced couple . If anyone has any first time " dipping " experience what would you recommend experienced or non experienced maybe I'm wrong .....
    We found another couple for our first experience who was also virgin to the lifestyle. Although we had an amazing time i think we would prefer a more experienced couplefor our next encounter. (we believe it may be a little more relaxing knowing someone has done this before)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danny Boy View Post
    We found another couple for our first experience who was also virgin to the lifestyle. Although we had an amazing time i think we would prefer a more experienced couplefor our next encounter. (we believe it may be a little more relaxing knowing someone has done this before)
    Thank you Danny Boy,
    That makes a lot of since.

  8. #8
    Registered User JSnCK's Avatar
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    Hi Newbie. We'll be there Aug 6-13, so a couple days overlap with you. We're new to the lifestyle as a couple, too (I had some experience some time ago before she and I met). Looking forward to seeing you there!

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    Quote Originally Posted by JSnCK View Post
    Hi Newbie. We'll be there Aug 6-13, so a couple days overlap with you. We're new to the lifestyle as a couple, too (I had some experience some time ago before she and I met). Looking forward to seeing you there!
    Hi JSnCK, I hope we get to meet you all. We are so excited about our trip!

  10. #10
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    hi just posted this for somebody else. figured you can read it.



    We are younger lets say less than 40, educated professionals, kids, etc. So maybe I can give you some advice that may help you out. We are new to the situation, maybe about a year in, and have played now about 6-8 times, usually about once a month.

    First off its usually the guys idea just is, between liking to watch and wanting to get something different the man is usually more motivated. But to be honest I think more women are interested then would admit it, but its just taboo and not a womens thing to come out with it.

    So I think if one partner is interested it might be helpful to drop the suggestion, talk about it casually etc. Maybe not go in length, just get it out there. Whether you get a negative or positive response, maybe just leave that conversation brief and let that nugget soak for a while. I can tell you from our experience I first brought it up to the wife who had a vanilla reaction, but the conversations started to pick up and get deeper. I think from the first time we talked about it till we first swapped it was about 8-9 months maybe more.

    So my first suggestion is give it time, as motivated as one or both of you are, think it through, give it time at least a few months if not more.

    Second, once both agree, you need to determine what some basic expectations and what you both want out of this. Is this something you want to do occasionally, just on trips, all the time, etc? Also how far do you want to go, soft swap(dancing, kissing, oral, general tom foolery), full swap(full oral, sex), can one of you go out on dates by themselves or have sex without the other present, does race matter, what about girl on girl or even guy on guy. I can tell you though if the girls are willing to play with each other a little bit, the experience will probably go better for all, and its a good ice breaker. The options are almost limitless on what people do out there, just look it up. Another big thing is anal, condom use, condom or no condom where is the man juice going, seems funny, but all things that can get somebody upset. Are you going to have sex in the same room, separate rooms, same bed, another biggy to talk about. You are probably better off having more rules to start and whittling back, because once something happens you cant call it back. With that said you don't want it to be so restrictive that nobody has fun.

    For us we started with about 12 rules, some I wont mention due to being very personal and borderline would come off wrong. But the big ones were discreetness, transparency and honesty up front all the time, second was no anal, third was we wouldn't do anything with our play friend that we wouldn't do with each other, next was condom use, same room sex, no saying the dirty love word lol, lastly if the other did something that upset the other spouse, that was no freaking out, discuss it later. That's just some of the bigger ones. At first we also decided the first time was going to serve as a trial run and with whomever we did it with, we were going to make sure they knew this wasn't some commitment or long term investment.

    We also decided this was not some free for all, as in do what you want when you want without the other present. I know some do it and not knocking it, but I think long term and general health of everybody involved it is just not a good idea. But after swapping once, we kind of threw out all the rules short of transparency and being discreet. We kind of came to the conclusion that we both were having sex with other people what are we holding back on or worrying about here. So when we set up a fun night, we both for the most part can do what we want. Within taste, we are both allowed to do what we want like I said, but its not excessive where its just all night in your face. We have found that this works for us, because this takes the pressure off of wondering if your spouse is getting mad or not, because your free to do what you want. And we ditched the condoms(see below for more info) wife and don't use them for us as theres precaution taken(we hope lol) and yes by using a condom you limit the chance of disease contraction and pregnancy. Kind of weird of another man cumming in her, but its sort of hot, but this kind of goes back to during play time do what you want have fun, shes taken it in the mouth and vagina(her choice with him now) and my partner and I like going inside but have done mouth and on tits and vagina. But between the oral, and swapping between spouses and play friends it really became a moot point to use condoms, between what were doing not sure anything is being prevented after 5 mins. This choice needs to be personal, and I would advise against going bare back with strangers. We started in the same room, but have since kind of moved to separate beds if in a hotel room, or if at home we set it up where we are in the same vicinity really close, but have our separate space. Things usually start out as a group, then people move out to get some space. Wife likes the group interaction including g on g, but for me personally I need my space after a while. But for us there is no over night stays or shes at his house and his girl is at mine. Again just seems like a long road to go down there. Again not knocking those who do that, but just seems to set a bad precedent. And we initially talked 3-4 times a year, but really is about a once a month, but its dependent, nothing is forced. Lastly to keep some sanctity theres a few tricks etc that we save for each other only.

    Thirdly I think this needs to go back to the initial discussion. But do you want to swing with friends, strangers, sort of friends, etc? Each have their pros and cons. Strangers the positive is you dont necessarily have to see them again if things go bad, plus it might be fun to be spur of the moment. The cons you don't know them, whats their motivations, do they have something, they are doing behind your back that you may not like, again just because your a swinger doesn't make you a good person. With friends the positives are that you know them and hopefully have some trust. Knowing each other better will definitely give you a better experience. Chances of them being more honest with you on diseases is better, although nobody knows unless checked or knowing they have been monogamous really knows. The cons are you could make good friends that you had, turn in bad friends and have to flush them down the drain. I also think finding friends that are into this might be tougher as you are limiting your selection group. But over drinks one or both of you could sort of drop a nugget or joke or see what sort of reaction they give you, if they are into they will bite, if they aren't they still might bite later on.

    The wife and I struggled with this, the idea of doing one night stands or going out to the bar to find a couple just really didn't appeal to us. But at the same time finding friends that would be discreet and doing something intimate with close friends didn't really sound good either. By chance we had relatively new friends of a few years, and really nuggets were dropped by both sides and marinated for a while, and it worked. They had one experience in the past, and we had a experience of sorts I guess you could call it as well. One thing led to pictures(which recommend no face shots ever) which actually led to us four sitting down and talking about it and laying out the ground rules. For certain reasons both sides has been tested recently, which led to the no condom use. These people are great, relatively same social standing, same values, same interest etc. We have all agreed to be exclusive so to keep it easy, you want out fine, if you do something with another couple you have the respect to let the others know. So for us it works, theres no going out and searching, a few texts and a night is set up, with dinner, drinks going out, and knowing whats going to happen later, easy. Everybody is comfortable.

    That's really the big advice I have, but heres to a few thoughts.

    Jealousy. Its going to happen, it might not be a lot, it might be. It really might not be jealousy it might just be this feels weird. But the funny thing is and I think most would tell you, that watching your spouse is hot, it just is. But I think you can temper jealously by going through the first steps above and tempering expectations and feelings, and or if you do tell your spouse you didn't like this or that, or just being flat out with them. To be honest with you between us two I don't think there was much, but there was this thought of what if she is better than me etc. But I think it came down to for us, is understanding the situation for what is was, and eliminating the rules so everybody felt guilt free. Also hey reality is the other women might have fake big tits, or the dude a huge hog leg in his pants, just might, and that's something you will have to get over with. And reality if you really love your spouse, as hot and cool as your play friend is, nobody will ever be your spouse.

    Another piece of advice to go with the above is who you pick to play with. For starters if you and your wife aren't both interested in your partners, its not going to be enjoyable, just wont. Now going the random route, you may have no choice. Or physically you might be interested but that person just doesn't sexually do it for you. I think its also important to keep things relative to remove jealously, by this I mean stay within your price range. If your wife is a chevy , don't go searching for the Ferrari, and vice versa, naturally people attract to like physical niceties or oddities, just the way it is so it may not be hard.

    For the dude this may seem all cool to do somebody else or watch the wife. And excuse my vulgarity here. But this isn't porn on a tv its real, and the other dude might be cool or a best friend. But hes a dude, hes going to get his dick sucked, hes going to grab her tits, bang her, cum in her, on her, they will make out, and probably talk dirty back and forth. so just think about it a min. Hes going to use it just like you do.

    Lastly DO NOT do this in order save your relationship, just wont work. You need have something strong going on. Spice it up sure, that's what we did and works great. Lets be honest you can love your spouse all you want, but lets be frank the same thing gets a little old, and this helps. In a controlled environment and with mutual understanding it can(sounds weird) but actually make your relationship better, it did for us. Ill say it up again, forget who its with, the most important thing is going to be transparency, truth, and honesty, and youll be fine. And stay within set limits, but don't make them so hard and don't get bent if somebody has an oops.

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