Is this an awkward situation?

**TheCheekyCouple** · 09-01-2015, 02:48 PM

ahh ok its hard cus she also wants to play on beach etc but i know she wouldn't be comfortable seeing others going wild around her as she would worry where my eyes would be

and you hear stories of people getting arrested for public sexual activity even early hours of the morning in places so I'm not sure what she would be more afraid of

thanks for all help we have a lot to discuss and see where it takes us

**Cdn_cpl** · 09-01-2015, 02:59 PM

Some places in Europe to check out as that seems to be where you're thinking off: Cap d'Adge in France and Spice Resort in the Canary Islands are both frequented by swingers. If you just want to be nude, any of the beaches on the south shore of Mykonos are beautiful, Paradise Beach, Super Paradise, or Elia.

**cinnamonflixxx** · 09-01-2015, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by Asmith

ahh ok its hard cus she also wants to play on beach etc but i know she wouldn't be comfortable seeing others going wild around her as she would worry where my eyes would be

and you hear stories of people getting arrested for public sexual activity even early hours of the morning in places so I'm not sure what she would be more afraid of

thanks for all help we have a lot to discuss and see where it takes us

Maybe an adults only place that is non-nude would be the best cause she could go with skimpy bikinis. Temptations is a big party place that allows topless but maybe that would be too much for her.

**TheCheekyCouple** · 09-01-2015, 03:04 PM

thanks ladies for the recommendations

ill give her the places and let her choose where she prefers

**Cdn_cpl** · 09-01-2015, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by jshell

Trusting they won't like sex with someone else better, I can't see at all. They can't control how much they like something with you, or someone else. That's like saying they can't be with someone they find more attractive than you. That kind of restriction is impossible to manage.

Yes you're right, that is impossible to manage so isn't that why a huge amount of trust is needed? We know a couple locally who are going through a divorce right now because he fell in love with someone they were swinging with. It was totally unexpected, he wasn't looking for a change in relationship, just happened over time. It's a risk for any couple that swings and you need to make sure your relationship is totally solid before you get into this lifestyle and then continually work at it to keep it that way. A healthy dose of trust is also required as you can't spend your life being paranoid that your partner is going to leave you because they liked the sex better with someone else.

**cinnamonflixxx** · 09-01-2015, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Cdn_cpl

Yes you're right, that is impossible to manage so isn't that why a huge amount of trust is needed? We know a couple locally who are going through a divorce right now because he fell in love with someone they were swinging with. It was totally unexpected, he wasn't looking for a change in relationship, just happened over time. It's a risk for any couple that swings and you need to make sure your relationship is totally solid before you get into this lifestyle and then continually work at it to keep it that way. A healthy dose of trust is also required as you can't spend your life being paranoid that your partner is going to leave you because they liked the sex better with someone else.

I wonder how often that happens... I heard a swinger couple tell their story at a swinging workshop at Hedo once. They almost ended up splitting up because she confused the high of when you hook up with a new person with falling in love. She needed to stop seeing the man she thought she fell in love with and I believe she and her husband adjusted their boundaries.
That point about risk is so true, however, there are fairly safe options such as playing with people you may only see once a year, if ever again (ie at Hedo).

**TheCheekyCouple** · 09-01-2015, 03:51 PM

sorry to change subject but wanted other female opinions on this and I'm guessing as I'm new i can't send private messages yet?

so my partner is obsessed with my ex's and there appearences and won't let it go and focus on us, is this normal in new relationships and she's just opened up and tells me ? i can't seem to say anything to make her stop comparing as i find her appearance extremely hot and I'm connected on a deeper level with her which is what keeps me close to her. But ye i can't seem to say anything without offending her when it comes to her comparing ex's

sorry for asking as its not really swinger based but ye wanted female opinions on this please

**jshell** · 09-01-2015, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by Cdn_cpl

Yes you're right, that is impossible to manage so isn't that why a huge amount of trust is needed? We know a couple locally who are going through a divorce right now because he fell in love with someone they were swinging with. It was totally unexpected, he wasn't looking for a change in relationship, just happened over time. It's a risk for any couple that swings and you need to make sure your relationship is totally solid before you get into this lifestyle and then continually work at it to keep it that way. A healthy dose of trust is also required as you can't spend your life being paranoid that your partner is going to leave you because they liked the sex better with someone else.

This is why if anyone has seen our posts in the "just sex" thread we are looking for more the one night stand swap instead of the get to know and keep on knowing another couple scenario. Swinging, even more than just socializing with another couple can result in connections beyond what either partner ever wanted. Hit it and quit it and remember the wild moment, but don't do it over and over again.

**cinnamonflixxx** · 09-01-2015, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by jshell

This is why if anyone has seen our posts in the "just sex" thread we are looking for more the one night stand swap instead of the get to know and keep on knowing another couple scenario. Swinging, even more than just socializing with another couple can result in connections beyond what either partner ever wanted. Hit it and quit it and remember the wild moment, but don't do it over and over again.

Your system seems pretty safe but it only works for people who would have sex based on physical attraction alone. Fortunately there are lots of people like me that. I don't work that way but you know, different strokes for (and with) different folks ;-)

**Cdn_cpl** · 09-01-2015, 04:29 PM

And that system works really well at Hedo because you're there for a short time and make connections very quickly and might never see the people again. But in the bigger swinging world the most fulfilling relationships we've had are long term with people who are friends both in and out the bedroom.

**jshell** · 09-01-2015, 04:54 PM

I'd like to say that we're interested in the Hedo version of swinging. I'd never rule out finding a cool couple that we were surprised to find is local and could hang out, but we'd just rather do the what happens is Hedo stays in Hedo thing. Does that make us bad people in the swinger world.

**Cdn_cpl** · 09-01-2015, 04:55 PM

redacted

**phillygirl22** · 09-01-2015, 05:51 PM

Originally Posted by Asmith

sorry to change subject but wanted other female opinions on this and I'm guessing as I'm new i can't send private messages yet?

so my partner is obsessed with my ex's and there appearences and won't let it go and focus on us, is this normal in new relationships and she's just opened up and tells me ? i can't seem to say anything to make her stop comparing as i find her appearance extremely hot and I'm connected on a deeper level with her which is what keeps me close to her. But ye i can't seem to say anything without offending her when it comes to her comparing ex's

sorry for asking as its not really swinger based but ye wanted female opinions on this please

No can really answer this without knowing your girlfriend..... But one possibility is it's a confidence thing. She's looking for reassurance from you that you find her more "attractive." While you can reassure her -- and really, who are you with? Them or her? -- true self-confidence needs to come from inside her. Sounds corny, but it's true.

As for the original post on jealousy, I used to feel that way. It just took one good guy to help me realize that jealousy should not be equated with care. (That said, I still get jealous!

)