Just Sex!

[jshell]

Here is the question. Most of what we have read is kind of the same theme. Meet people, make a connection/bond of sorts, and if something happens, then something happens. What if what we want is just sex and then if a connection happens, then a connection happens. We have much more to add to this question, but will leave it at that until some responses come in.

[Lagniappedc]

Having enjoyed this little hobby for the past few years, we've met couples across the spectrum in terms of how they approach the LS. Can't say there is any right or wrong way to approach this -- you just have to do what makes you feel comfortable. Our preference is to meet a couple and see if there is chemistry. Of course, that may mean getting to know them over a couple of weeks, or in some cases a couple of hours. And there has been the occasional house party where it's been much quicker from hello to being naked. That said, we've found the sex with others to be much more enjoyable when there is a connection. To your point about a connection after. Early on, we moved pretty quickly with a couple and broker our "no sex on the first date" rule. That move quick and move on idea was how they approached the LS. Funny thing, five years later we count them as among our dearest friends and see them often for vanilla/family gatherings. So, you just never know where/when/how that connection is going to happen.

[jshell]

From this guy's take on it, since we haven't done a full swap yet (which is what we want to do), I'd be much more comfortable knowing she had zero interest in the other guy, other than sex. Plus, the absolutely meaningless sex aspect of it adds to the naughtiness, making it even sluttier and sexier. If you know what I mean.

[Cdn_cpl]

We definitely prefer getting to know people, for us the lifestyle is about friendship and much as the sex. We've encountered many "wham bam..." couples and that just doesn't appeal to us. Hedo is a different environment thought, most people are only there for a week so there's not a lot of time to make connections. Things seem to progress much quicker because of this.

[Minstrels]

I definitely had a pre-full swap mentality and a post. It wasn't until after that I realized jealousy wasn't an issue for me. Connecting with a couple before having sex is important for us because it makes the sex more fun, relaxed and enjoyable.

[Lagniappedc]

Minstrel's comment is an excellent one. We've had a long journey with regard to rules - i.e., kissing/no kissing, same room/separate room, texting, playing at the same time, etc. Those have certainly swayed with our emotions. While it may be "just sex" - the fact is that it is emotional. You never know how you will react until the moment happens. Key is to talk (a lot) and trust your partner to do the right thing. We've found that couples that lack trust or had jealousy issues faded out of the LS pretty quickly. So if you are worried about jealousy, then definitely take it slow. Stick to off-premise clubs where you can engage in sexy dancing with others, soft swap, etc, to see how things go. Lots of good discussion threads on this subject over at Swingersboard.

[sexylady]

I had one fantasy all my life - to have sex with strangers. Hedo fills that fantasy absolutely. Sometimes they have become friends - and then they become too familiar for sex with stranger. They become friends with benefits - only when no one else is available. looking forward to meeting some strangers next trip - next week. Familiar ones are welcome too. Familiarity breeds attempt!

[jshell]

We just said to each other one day, looking at the big picture with total honesty, we really only have 15, or so years of vigor left. Just being realists, the fact is, we don't want each other to be the last person either of us has sex with for the rest of our lives. What I would be uncomfortable with would be either of us developing feelings, or a true connection with someone else. Call it preferring a one night stand, to an ongoing affair. Doing this at Hedo makes that seem more possible. We're not saying wham bam and then we don't speak, but the focus IS on the wham bam lol.

[GandG]

I think what your saying is that you want what you and your spouse do to be more love and emotional, and what you do with others has a detached feel to to it. Which it will, you love your spouse and you know that person better than anyone else. I will say we keep in touch with people that we have met and we see them as better friends than some vanilla friends we have. There is a trust level between every couple we have met that is unbelievable and better marriage or relationships than out side of the lifestyle. When we first did this I thought that the other person would be like a extension of our sex life, like another toy and then we would put it back in a box and move on when we were done, but then we met that person and liked that person (couple) so emotions do play a role not the same as my spouse but we do have a relationship with them. We talk, we post family things..this becomes just a small piece of what we do.

[phillygirl22]

I've never been a couple in the LS....and maybe I'm being negative. ...but if your marriage is secure, you shouldn't have to worry about this. If your spouse is going to suddenly fall in love with another, it can happen anywhere and in any situation. With women being more mentally motivated than physically, you probably have a greater chance of this happening at work!
Anyway, point being, if you're concerned about that, it raises a flag IMO....one you should figure out long before hedo.

[Mark/Sonni]

We are new to the lifestyle as well. Right now it is just basically a fantasy, as she wants to see me with other woman, and she wants to be with other women, but she has no desire to be with another man. I am ok if she were to decide differently, as I would like that.

We have talked about this in length, and have decided that a one night stand or fwb would be good as long as no feelings would arise and damage anything. So we have not quite figured out the next step. We were planning a trip to a swingers club, but we both got cold feet in the parking lot, and went dancing at a local club that is known for being swinger friendly, where groping and touching is allowed.

[SanDiegoDave]

I've never been a couple in the LS....and maybe I'm being negative. ...but if your marriage is secure, you shouldn't have to worry about this. If your spouse is going to suddenly fall in love with another, it can happen anywhere and in any situation. With women being more mentally motivated than physically, you probably have a greater chance of this happening at work!
Anyway, point being, if you're concerned about that, it raises a flag IMO....one you should figure out long before hedo.

I echo Phillygirl's sentiments from the single male perspective...Adding that I have never met so many couples that truly love and trust each other in such a high concentration as I have met at Hedo. I've made countless friends. Some with whom I have played and others never. Regardless, still wonderful friends.

The sex with stranger fantasy is understood. Becoming friends after is, of course, a benefit as stated. Bottom Line: Those playing make the rules for the game. If the rules are understood and followed there are rarely losers!

Sexylady: Have a blast next week.
jshell: I think you are selling yourself short with only 15 years of vigor left.

[Lagniappedc]

Mark/Sonni - It's not a race...go at your own speed. We like to say that where others dove into the deep end of the pool, we stuck our pinky toe in for a long while. Not sure if you are near Atlanta, but Trapeze is an terrific club with lots of rooms to just hang out. In our experience, 99% of swingers are super nice and incredibly respectful. If you go and decide to be wallflowers, it's likely the most that will happen is someone will come up an introduce themselves. Good luck!

[Mark/Sonni]

Mark/Sonni - It's not a race...go at your own speed. We like to say that where others dove into the deep end of the pool, we stuck our pinky toe in for a long while. Not sure if you are near Atlanta, but Trapeze is an terrific club with lots of rooms to just hang out. In our experience, 99% of swingers are super nice and incredibly respectful. If you go and decide to be wallflowers, it's likely the most that will happen is someone will come up an introduce themselves. Good luck!

Thank you for your kind words. We were actually almost to Trapeze when we both got cold feet. So we ended up at the Dance Club. She got worried about body image, and I got worried that she wouldn't have a good time, so I changed things up to make sure she had a good time. Ended up meeting a very nice woman that we both got to rub and grind on, a little kissing, but that is as far as it went.

[jshell]

Philly, while I understand your input, I would like to say that it's more that we are not seeking a connection than afraid there might become one. We've been together long enough to know we aren't interested in replacing each other. Like I said before, we just don't want to be each other's last person in this life that we have sex with. If we had concerns at an emotional level, we (me especially) wouldn't be interested in swapping.