Originally Posted by
bumpngrind
What all the other peeps said above. Communication is the most important. Communication first with your spouse, talk about *everything*:
- Your limitations as a couple: oral, full swap, kissing/no kissing, same room/separate room, play together or play on own, etc.
- How you will signal to each other your interest discreetly: when you're talking to a couple or individual, how do you know your partner is interested before you make the first move?
- How you will show your interest to a couple/individual: who does the talking, usually this is the two females, especially with people new in the lifestyle
- Safe word (ours is "Budweiser") so that if something is getting uncomfortable your partner can help
Communication with the other couple/individual:
- Express interest and if they're delayed to respond tell them you will let them think about it and if interested they're welcome to come and talk to you whenever they wish
- Before you play make sure that you talk about everything (boundaries, likes, dislikes, etc.). Even if you think it's awkward, it's going to be 100 times worse if you go beyond someone else's boundaries and the fun will end in a haste (some couples/individuals don't kiss, some require protection for oral, some require same room play only, some can't do same room play for various reasons, etc.)
While playing:
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. With your playmate(s) and your partner
- If you're unsure something is okay, it just comes up and you didn't talk about it then get the nod from your significant other and/or clarify with your playmates, especially if they change their mind mid-play (e.g. if a couple doesn't want to do full-swap and just a soft-swap and they change their mind during play, we would stop the fun and discuss it entirely before we all make an informed decision; some peeps in the lifestyle wouldn't even entertain the change of plan in the heat of the moment; tread carefully here)
Post-experience communication:
- An honest, open communication after *every* experience with your partner. Discuss what you enjoyed, what you didn't (be 100% honest), talk about concerns, possibly reconnect with your partner and assure them that they're your #1
These are just high-level tips. Some couples don't play during first discussion so they can go away and discuss privately, and it's perfectly fine to say that to a potential playmate. "We might be interested, but we need to discuss it privately, give us a few minutes to discuss one on one please". These rules aren't all set in stone, there are differences, but the central most important point is communication - communication with your partner, communication with potential playmate(s), and more communication. Last year two couples in our group split as a result of situations at H2, the year before 1 couple split. This is a *very* small # compared to how many are present, but these situations were likely entirely avoidable.
Hope that helps!
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