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Thread: Newbies with questions about our first time...

  1. #1
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    Newbies with questions about our first time...

    My wife and I are madly in love, and - quite frankly - a couple of sex manics! We're not in our first marriages, and the kids are all gone, and it's just us and we love our life and our love. I am attracted to the idea of going to Hedo---kind of a bucket list thing. The Mrs. is not really comfortable with the idea, having somewhat of a conservative outlook about nudity, and being around men she doesn't know who also are naked. But I know - deep down - that she would have a great time. She has an exhibitionist side, and a wonderful fun side, and I really dig being with her when she lets her hair down.

    But she is not, and I am not into the Lifestyle thing. So we would just like to co-exist with all the swingers and others that are there. Reading this forum, and other reviews, that seems to be pretty normal for Hedo; everybody just does "their thing". So, I'm not worried about it. But I think she is.

    So, my question for all the other sex manic straight couples on this forum: What would you tell my wife to assure her, to assuage her fears about the nudity and the openness of a week at Hedo? Surely there are many other women on this site who have gone through that same cycle of concern, or outright fear, about gettin' naked with a bunch of strangers. Help me out here!

    My gut tells me we'd have a great time! I want to have that great time!!!

    Also, many of you have written that going with a group is a good way to go, and to break the ice with other couples. But what tour operator has a more homogenous mix of straight couples, and is not totally dedicated to the swing crowd? Any suggestions would be welcome.


    Thanks for your feedback and encouragement!
    Last edited by winstar; 02-23-2015 at 10:27 AM.

  2. #2
    Registered User phillygirl22's Avatar
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    A few thoughts/options:
    1. If you have shown her the same info you have read and she's not convinced, let it go. Maybe you guys do a night pass. But seriously, hedo will be the most miserable place for you if you force this. most likely for others around you too.

    2. Tour operators? Not sure if you're referring to travel agent or groups. Travel agents have a huge variety of groups. The groups themselves have a personality that can usually be found on their websItss. I am not sure you will find a group without lifestylers. And even if you did, most groups are only a portion of the total crowd.
    That said....I can speak from personal experience, it doesn't matter. If you're not into it word gets around And they stop asking. Doesn't mean you have any less fun together. Swingers are people too! (But seriously, I feel like you're envisioning this big divide....it's not there. I have run into a few couple many times and still not sure if they are lifestyle or not!)

    3. Nudity is one of the main features of hedo. If she's not comfortable being 100% NUDE (ie no bottoms!) This is not going to be a fun vacation for you if you "convince" her. You will be on the optional side...and it will not be as fun. also, what does "and men she doesn't know being naked" mean? The men are naked too....again, it's one of the "themes" here!

    not trying to be negative. But again, I firmly believe hedo is not a place to "convince" someone to go. if reading about it here is not enough, I say punt for now. Like I mentioned, a night pass (sexy clothes vs nudity) may be a way to get the feel.

  3. #3
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    While I don't necessarily disagree with Phillygirl, I want to add another perspective. It was only a few years ago that my wife and I had never even thought about getting naked in public. We were at Breezes Runaway Bay, and another couple dragged us over to Hedonism 3, which was still open at that time. Getting naked the first time can be difficult, but after 15 minutes, you realize that nobody is looking at you, and nobody cares what you look like. You go to the bar for a drink and instantly you have new friends. People are open, friendly, comfortable in their own skin. If you are on this site already, just read a lot about what people have to say, and the make the decision that is right for you. The people and the staff at Hedo are second to none. That is why it has the highest return rate of any other resort. While there are lots of swingers at Hedo, there are also many guests who are not in the lifestyle at all, and just want to be naked. The great thing about Hedo is that you can do what you want, what you are comfortable with, and nobody is going to pressure you or try to get you to do something you don't want to do. The rules are RESPECT and NO means NO, and people do follow those rules. Later this week, we will taking our 8th trip to Hedo 2, and every time we go, we meet new great people, and see awesome friends we have made on previous trips. These have been the best vacations of our lives. If this is a bucket list this, I say go for it and have a great time. There are lots of great groups, and we have been there with several different ones, but you do get better rates going with a group. Jon's Fluffernutters will be there the beginning of May. Good luck!

  4. #4
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    Maybe look into another resort. Hedo is fairly strict about no clothes in the nude area. Our first trip my wife had a hard time taking it all off. Topless was no problem, the bottoms took a while. Security came by and made her miserable, and rightfully so. Nude area should nude for everyone. The other guest were wonderful, they yelled at security to give her a while to adjust. Eventually she took it all off and has never looked back.

    There are many other resorts that offer nude beaches/clothing optional areas. Hedo is the only place that allows PDA, and it appears as if they are starting to restrict that, if I'm reading the forum correctly. Desire has nudity in specific areas and public play areas. Hidden Beach has no areas for PDA, but is all nude resort. Your wife could ease into the nude thing gradually there without being hassled.

    You know your wife better than anyone, at least I hope you do. I agree with Phillygirl, if your wife is uncomfortable being nude, or for some strange reason decides she does not like being nude, then your vacation will be miserable. Supress your wishes and consider hers when you make your choice.

  5. #5
    Registered User islandlife's Avatar
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    i think the biggest problem with the first timers is the getting naked issue, but once that has been done at their own pace whether being on the prude side and easing into it or just jumping in feet first, everyone i have meet always say we wish we had experienced this earlier. But as phillygirl states, it is not for everyone and you don't need to force it upon her, let her read the forums and educate herself about the hedo experience. We have invited couples to go with us on our trips and they have a great time.
    By the way phillygirl, still got you guessing?

  6. #6
    Registered User sexylady's Avatar
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    When I went first time 10 years ago I would get naked (pushed) but cross my legs. Now I keep them open. It is all a process. Use ull: technique rather than ush: - that means allow things to happen rather than make them happen. I have learnt from my husband. He has ben very patient. In the end, if it does not work, you have had an experience. This is one area where process does not have to end with an anticipated result. Go where you have never gone or imagined will go - step by step or two steps forward and one step back.
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  7. #7
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    Thanks you all, who have replied to our thread. The feedback you all have offered is pretty much what I have read here and elsewhere, so it's nice to get the confirmation in a personal way.

    We're going to be going for "the Hedo experience" and for the opportunity to meet other birds-of-a-feather. The fact that everyone who writes about Hedo talks about the friendliness of everyone, and how easy it is to meet and make new friends. That part is very attractive to us. I'm sure we will get into the vibe, and get naked, and just let life flow over us. We have promised ourselves that - first and foremost - we want to have fun at this point in our lives!

    So, yes - of course - we will talk more about what we have read and set our boundaries and just go and let it happen. The thought of getting into a very sexual vibe in a safe place is exciting!

    More to follow. Plans to make!

  8. #8
    Registered User Naughty Nudists's Avatar
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    Even though the wife and I had been to Caliente 3 times before Hedo,she had some reservations because her imagination had run WILD because of the reputation for overt sexuality at Hedo.Once we got there and she learned it was really not the case,then it was "game on" so far as having a good ole monogamous time.Don't worry about people in the lifestyle pestering you.We have only been propositioned once,don't know if I should be offended or not?!Maybe word had gotten around about me putting my elbows on the table at breakfast and not using good posture.Who knows?My money says she will have a great time if I were to bet on it!Seriously,some of our best friends are in the lifestyle;they don't care that we aren't and we don't care that they are simply because it does not matter!Sort of like religious or political orientation which we never discuss btw!

  9. #9
    Registered User phillygirl22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by islandlife View Post
    By the way phillygirl, still got you guessing?
    Yup!
    With all the antics not sure we ever discussed it!
    And quite honestly, I was just happy to have met wonderful people who would be my friend!

    Kinda funny. ... you don't walk up to people and ask their sexual orientation at home do you? Lol... Nice to meet you. But first, before we hang out, what do you prefer between the sheets?

  10. #10
    Registered User Naughty Nudists's Avatar
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    Phillygirl raises a good point.We were around a couple last year who gave us the impression that he wanted to be there and she really didn't.Actually,it was two couples that gave us that impression.Seriously,a couple needs to both be in agreement or it will be wasted money for the trip.And hard as it is to imagine for some of us,Hedo is really not for some people.It's their loss.......

  11. #11
    Registered User islandlife's Avatar
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    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by phillygirl22 View Post
    Yup!
    With all the antics not sure we ever discussed it!
    And quite honestly, I was just happy to have met wonderful people who would be my friend!

    Kinda funny. ... you don't walk up to people and ask their sexual orientation at home do you? Lol... Nice to meet you. But first, before we hang out, what do you prefer between the sheets?
    dang it, must'a slipped my mind while we were having so much fun, we'll discuss this upcoming NYE, but gotta warn you, have a bad case of the old CRS, so don't let me forget

  12. #12
    Registered User we2are469's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naughty Nudists View Post
    Phillygirl raises a good point.We were around a couple last year who gave us the impression that he wanted to be there and she really didn't.Actually,it was two couples that gave us that impression.Seriously,a couple needs to both be in agreement or it will be wasted money for the trip.And hard as it is to imagine for some of us,Hedo is really not for some people.It's their loss.......
    NN is correct. You both need to be on the same page here. We go for the fun of H2 and don't worry about the orientation of the people we meet. It's all fun and games, till we reach OUR limit, then it's "No thanks".
    Of course there are those that never leave the prude side. But that's their choice. We are not in the life style, but that doesn't stop us from having fun at H2.
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  13. #13
    Registered User LovingLeocouple's Avatar
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    Maybe try a less expensive "get naked for the first time" experience closer to home. Try finding a nudist resort near your home through the American Association of Nude Recreation (AANR). There are a few within daytrip driving distance of Grand Rapids, MI. These will be family friendly nudist resorts. While there may be Lifestyle people there, it is all kept very "behind closed doors" so that the club may maintain it's AANR certification. Your wife will most likely have the option of wearing clothing except for when in the pool or hot tub (skinny dipping is usually required). It may allow her to warm up to the idea before getting yourselves in too deep at Hedo surrounded by people performing PDA's. Remember she may be uncomfortable not only with getting naked herself but with the idea seeing other people naked as well as seeing you looking at other women naked. Until she's experienced it, she may be concerned about how she may react to that. I suppose she might also be concerned about how you might react to her seeing other naked men. I'm sure the last thing either of you wants is to have drama. At least with the local nudist club, your not out a big investment and there is no pressure to stay if you decide you would rather pack up early and go home after a couple of hours. I suggest going for a day the first time, and then go for a weekend on another trip. You need to make certain that she knows that her comfort level is the most important thing to you and not give her any attitude if its not for her and she wants to leave early. I attended nudist camps for years prior to meeting my wife. When we first started dating I took her to a nudist camp for a day to see if she would enjoy it or not. I was a bit worried she wouldn't like it. By the end of the day she came in second place in the chocolate Jell-O pudding wrestling competition they were having that day - I stopped worrying. LOL
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  14. #14
    Registered User mac_r_a's Avatar
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    Most of the women who go have the concern of being naked the first time, I know I did and many others I have talked to did. It was such a fear. If it is just the ear of nudity then there is a clothing optional side which is quiet, but can be very romantic and give her time to ease into getting naked if that is what she wants to do. if she really doesn't want to go, then do not force her. We go the end of April with a great bunch of people. There is a mix of swingers, bi sexual women and couples who are just into each other. You don't have to be anything to go to Hedo, you just have to be yourself if that makes sense. Hedo is what you want to make it, it can be the craziest week of your life or the quietest most romantic week of your life. That is the great thing about Hedo If you are interested in chatting more or she wants to ask any questions privately please feel free to message me, I love chatting Hedo
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  15. #15
    Registered User HappyCampers's Avatar
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    Hi Winstar!
    We have a couple of couples in our group whose first time at Hedo was their first times being naked!! If you love having a good time and laughing and then running back to your room (or not) for a quickie (or a long-ie!) you should definitely go to Hedonism. Not only will you have an awesome time, but you will meet people who will become your best friends!
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