Question for a newbie

[Trifecta]

Ok, I'll try to explain this question....My girlfriend and I are going on our virgin hero trip in about a month. We are very excited but a bit nervous....these forums have done a fabulous job of putting to rest the vast majority of our concerns, but today we were having our discussion (as suggested by many here on the boards) about our expectations, and boundaries and signals so that we are on the same page going in, and come out the other side as close and happy as we went in. We are not in the lifestyle. We are simply adventurous people who aren't opposed to testing our boundaries if the right time/place/situation presented itself. But for now we are not interested in involving any other people in our physical life. We are aware that at Hedo these preconceived notions may change. And that is fine with us. As far as I am concerned, the purpose of this first (short) trip is mainly to get my tightly wound brain over the concept of being naked in public. Anyway, we were having the conversation today and we were discussing the balancing act of not being too uptight about people being making playful contact (a pinched butt for example) and not letting that "allowance" give the impression that anything goes.

I don't want to have to set up a 3-foot perimeter around us as a no-contact zone, because thats not us, and I wouldn't want to do that, and she wouldn't want me to do that. But on the other hand she was very clear to me that she expects me to "protect" her from any unwanted advances. Sure, for 90% of the people there seems to be this amazing atmosphere of respect at Hedo and the reports are totally positive, but there are still plenty of trip reports that report an incident here and there (some scarier than others) where a situation seems very disrespectful, and sometimes downright wrong. This is what we are looking for some advice for.

Thanks. - Trifecta

[JayNSteph]

First off, it is great you are discussing this with each other, that is the first and foremost important thing. Secondly, people generally do not place themselves upon you unless they know that you are comfortable with any advances. If someone does, a simple "I am sorry, I am not comfortable with that" would (and should) suffice. Most people will (and should) back down or apologize if they advance without "permission". Hedo is not a "free for all" and I have never witnessed any time when someone was placed in that position. A couple years ago we were in a group and my husband had put his hand on the back of another female then, realizing his actions, asked her if she was comfortable with that, she said no, he apologized and that was it. We still hung out with them and had a good time the rest of the week. No means no, and that is the mantra. You should have no problems with anyone there.

[Brian&Terri]

First off, it is great you are discussing this with each other, that is the first and foremost important thing. Secondly, people generally do not place themselves upon you unless they know that you are comfortable with any advances. If someone does, a simple "I am sorry, I am not comfortable with that" would (and should) suffice. Most people will (and should) back down or apologize if they advance without "permission". Hedo is not a "free for all" and I have never witnessed any time when someone was placed in that position. A couple years ago we were in a group and my husband had put his hand on the back of another female then, realizing his actions, asked her if she was comfortable with that, she said no, he apologized and that was it. We still hung out with them and had a good time the rest of the week. No means no, and that is the mantra. You should have no problems with anyone there.

100% correct. Go and have the best vacation of your life.

[SouthernFried]

With the open communications comes a new level of intimacy between you...after the liberating experience of nudity, you will not be the same people as going in but you will have a new sense of inner fulfillment. This is all predicated on the fact that each of you stays within the prescribed boundaries, of course!

Don't let the "possibility" of a negative event spoil the fun...be friendly, have respect for others and odds are you will have the best vacation of your lives. As stated above, a simple no thank you, or I am not comfortable will do the trick if someone gets too friendly. If you have to say it more than once, raise voice a hair or get someone elses attention----we look out for each other.

[details024]

My hubby knows that if I squeeze his hand tightly when we are with another couple, then I am getting uncomfortable and he should find a friendly excuse to move along. He tends to be a huge flirt and doesn't necessarily notice if I am getting uncomfortable, so this is how I make it known to him without any problems

[pbartell]

Trifecta: If one of your potential challenges for your Hedo experience is around 'the purpose of this first (short) trip is mainly to get my tightly wound brain over the concept of being naked in public', have you considered a day visit to a clothing optional beach or resort near your home to at least get that issue explored? If you live or near South Florida, Haulover Beach is a clothing optional beach. Or southern California, Black's Beach in La Jolla. Or scattered around the country there are many clothing optional resorts that offer day passes.

[doubledown]

I think you should just head on down to Hedo. You will easily find, and expand, your comfort zone. If you need to start with swimsuits on the C/O end of the resort. Take 'em off for the main pool if you like(you will) and then sooner, rather than later head down to the nude Jacuzzi end. If you find that just a little too much, we did at first (Hedo Amigos final party), just head back to the main pool. After your first day you will leave the suits in the room and have the most relaxing vacation ever.

[CopNkitten]

First, you will be fine.
On the rare situation, like a guy was on our trip recently, a firm that is not acceptable should work.
Another good thing is people tend to keep an eye on each other at Hedo.
I look forward to hearing how your trip went.
Also dont wait to get naked, jump right in.
Cop..

[D and C]

My wife and I are not swingers and your description of yourselves almost describes us exactly. My wife was a little nervous on our first trip to Hedo but after a few days she was very comfortable and we are soon leaving in mid May for our 5th trip to the resort. We have never been with another couple are not lifestylers but
we love going to hedo and always have a great time. We have never encountered any issues with people being aggressive or having unwanted advance's even when there are groups at the resort. Go,relax, get naked when you are ready and have a great time.

[Naughty Nudists]

For the record,we have friends on both sides of the aisle.They are all our friends!It does not matter what their particular interest is and you will soon learn that people in the lifestyle do not want to recruit those of us who aren't.We have been pleased and privileged to enjoy the company of so many different types of people from so many different locales.So don't worry,
BE HAPPY!

[singlecruiser70]

I agree with NN and I am a single dude..... I just like to hang out with sexy couples and make conversation. If something else develops that's all the better and more fun. My problem is my body won't keep up with my mind.....lol... Dick Singlecruiser

[Naughty Nudists]

Yep,this past trip my ego wrote a couple of checks my body could not quite cash either,Dick!

[Islandheart]

Relax, it's not a crazy free for all of sex addicted naked people...... Well, maybe just a little.

Really, lighten up. Folks are respectful even if you're nude. You see their stuff and they see yours... Anything beyond that is not just assumed.

If the pool or hot tub is crowded then it may be you that bumps, rubs or somewhat comes in contact with any other body. Usually a sorry or excuse me/ us works well.

We've been 6 times and the likely hood of someone reaching out and grabbing is highly unlikely.

[JA Booze Crew]

[QUOTE=details024;208227]My hubby knows that if I squeeze his hand tightly when we are with another couple, then I am getting uncomfortable and he should find a friendly excuse to move along. He tends to be a huge flirt and doesn't necessarily notice if I am getting uncomfortable, so this is how I make it known to him without any problems[/QU

[Trifecta]

Great replies. Thanks everyone. Can't wait to report back after our trip!!