Clues that someone wants to play?

**sheercliff15** · 06-12-2013, 09:50 AM

We are interested in soft-swapping. This thread is really helpful. Thank you all.

This is gonna sound awfully naïve, but here goes. In the Lifestyle, is there a trust that participants are free of STD's? Or — since one little unfortunate partnership somewhere, somehow, for somebody can kinda like spread onward, often without anyone realizing it — should there be a healthy distrust? Do we, um, bring this up?

"Hi! Do you play? Nice! Do you happen to have chlamydia or HIV?" Such a downer, that question.

We are quite mischievous, but would like to make overtures with a carefree and eager confidence. You know?

Cheers, Lacey and Cliff

**HedoJoe** · 06-12-2013, 03:07 PM

Unfortunately, you have to have some trust that if a person is playing that they are free of STD's. In another message thread, someone said that they were going to bring their latest test results with them in case anyone asked. The down side to that is that your STD/HIV/AIDS test is only current up to the time the tech sticks the needle in your arm. You can take a casual look for sores before you go too far but there is a trust factor.

Originally Posted by sheercliff15

This is gonna sound awfully naïve, but here goes. In the Lifestyle, is there a trust that participants are free of STD's? Or — since one little unfortunate partnership somewhere, somehow, for somebody can kinda like spread onward, often without anyone realizing it — should there be a healthy distrust? Do we, um, bring this up?

"Hi! Do you play? Nice! Do you happen to have chlamydia or HIV?"

**MikeCarrie** · 06-19-2013, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by HedoJoe

Glad you liked them! If I knew they would be such a big hit, I would have brought more. In 2012 I served Kinky Fluff shots poolside so now I have to come up with something for the 2014 trip. Will you two be back next February?

We are going for the First Flufftoberfest . February is a maybe. July '14 for sure.

**smallandtall** · 07-02-2013, 09:47 AM

We haven't had problems with anyone who was or wasn't in the lifestyle while at Hedo.
We are very clear about our being in there to anyone we meet. Whether or not others are interested in having sex with us is not so important to us.
We have met more fun and interesting people at Hedo that were not there to have sex with others but just to have a good time than people who were also in the lifestyle.
I'd hate to have to miss out on all those wonderful people and their interactions just because some bracelet, t-shirt or whatever signalling something.

Having said that, we did run into several couples where the signals they were sending were very confusing.
Twice we ran into couples where they clearly stated that they were interested in playing, only to keep up bringing excuses day after day when we asked them to join us in their or our room. Other times we ran into couples that stated just before we left that they would have enjoyed playing with us if we had only persisted. Funny thing is that we take no as a no, not as a maybe. So in both cases they had said no, and we just spent time with them nonetheless because they were fun to be with, whether they wanted to play with us or not.

We like clarity and we can be pretty direct, so anyone giving off vague hints or even opposite signals will likely end up with us keeping our respectful distance.

**sabinaandscott** · 07-02-2013, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by sheercliff15

This is gonna sound awfully naïve, but here goes. In the Lifestyle, is there a trust that participants are free of STD's? Or — since one little unfortunate partnership somewhere, somehow, for somebody can kinda like spread onward, often without anyone realizing it — should there be a healthy distrust? Do we, um, bring this up?

"Hi! Do you play? Nice! Do you happen to have chlamydia or HIV?" Such a downer, that question.

Cheers, Lacey and Cliff

We "assume" that those that are playing are clean, however, your own health is yours to protect. Use the rule to bag it (condoms) when playing and protect yourself, rather than relying on the disease status of others.

**oursexysecret** · 07-03-2013, 05:36 PM

I understand the whole not picking up on clues thing. My husband is pretty good at it but for some reason I just don't get them. Just because someone says they "play" or are in to girls doesn't necessarily mean they are in to me so unless there is a more overt signal, chances are I am not gonna pick up on it. Now if a girl sits in my lap or asks if she can kiss me I can figure that one out but it is a fine line sometimes to make sure you are not sending the wrong signals. My husband talks to EVERYONE and is super social so we have had situations arise where we thought we were just hanging out, having dinner, going to the disco etc and it turned out the people we were hanging out with thought we were moving toward something more. We have also had just as many where we (and by that I mean I) didn't pick up on something only to later when back home find out that someone was interested so I guess the best thing to do is come out with it. I know everyone says if you are not interested you just tell people but it is tough when you really enjoy hanging out with a couple just not in a sexual way. I can't imagine people wouldn't take it personally no matter how nice you say it.

**smallandtall** · 07-04-2013, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by oursexysecret

We have also had just as many where we (and by that I mean I) didn't pick up on something only to later when back home find out that someone was interested so I guess the best thing to do is come out with it. I know everyone says if you are not interested you just tell people but it is tough when you really enjoy hanging out with a couple just not in a sexual way. I can't imagine people wouldn't take it personally no matter how nice you say it.

From the perspective of a non-North American non native English speaker I have to say that I find both the culture and the language very confusing at times.
There can be so much more innuendo in the English language than for example in our Dutch language and it seems that there is a much stronger cultural or social desire to keep the other people involved in a conversation or group pleased that for us it can also be very difficult to figure out what someone else really intends (even if we ask very directly). When you are used to getting clear yes or no responses, all of that can come across as vague, unclear and at times even like beating around the bush.

That's why we deliberately do not conform to the dominant culture but try to be as genuine and direct as is socially still acceptable when we indicate our interest in someone else. If they don't give off a clear signal when asked directly if they are interested we then simply assume that they aren't interested in playing with us and either keep the contact with them fun but at a non sexual level or if that doesn't seem to work for everyone involved, we simply move on.

**sheercliff15** · 07-04-2013, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by smallandtall

From the perspective of a non-North American non native English speaker I have to say that I find both the culture and the language very confusing at times.
There can be so much more innuendo in the English language than for example in our Dutch language and it seems that there is a much stronger cultural or social desire to keep the other people involved in a conversation or group pleased that for us it can also be very difficult to figure out what someone else really intends (even if we ask very directly). When you are used to getting clear yes or no responses, all of that can come across as vague, unclear and at times even like beating around the bush.

That's why we deliberately do not conform to the dominant culture but try to be as genuine and direct as is socially still acceptable when we indicate our interest in someone else. If they don't give off a clear signal when asked directly if they are interested we then simply assume that they aren't interested in playing with us and either keep the contact with them fun but at a non sexual level or if that doesn't seem to work for everyone involved, we simply move on.

From anyone, smallandtall, that is a clear and cogent perspective. From a non-native English speaker, it is artfully written. We English speakers are impressed — in more ways than one.

**smallandtall** · 07-05-2013, 04:14 AM

Originally Posted by sheercliff15

From anyone, smallandtall, that is a clear and cogent perspective. From a non-native English speaker, it is artfully written. We English speakers are impressed — in more ways than one.

- Blush - ;-)

IMO it's easiy to sit behind a computer and take all the time to think of and write a message. It's a different challenge to talk to several people and still have the right English language words form in time in your head and roll of your tongue to not come across like a toddler. :-)

**CopNkitten** · 07-05-2013, 09:46 AM

Sexy = The Universal Language

Cop..

**martinguitar58** · 07-15-2013, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by sheercliff15

We are interested in soft-swapping. This thread is really helpful. Thank you all.

This is gonna sound awfully naïve, but here goes. In the Lifestyle, is there a trust that participants are free of STD's? Or — since one little unfortunate partnership somewhere, somehow, for somebody can kinda like spread onward, often without anyone realizing it — should there be a healthy distrust? Do we, um, bring this up?

"Hi! Do you play? Nice! Do you happen to have chlamydia or HIV?" Such a downer, that question.

We are quite mischievous, but would like to make overtures with a carefree and eager confidence. You know?

Cheers, Lacey and Cliff

Thank you for asking this question (and the forum replies to it

) since as newbies this is something we have talked about... I had to look up "soft swapping" in the urban dictionary (duh) but that is likely what we are looking for initially. (What colour of bracelet would that be?). But I am sure what happens is you meet, there is some interest, some exploration happens through conversation and some initial "contact" and then combustion happens (or not). I really liked Cop's reply a ways back that whether there was a connection with another couple or not, the time at Hedo was always great, and that is what is really attracting me to making my first reservation! Cheers, Doug.

**CopNkitten** · 07-15-2013, 10:28 AM

Everyone has their own definitions and rules.
Things online are guidelines and general info.
Just have to talk to people and ask what they are into, restrictions, etc.
Cop..

**love4unme** · 07-15-2013, 10:53 AM

This has always been an interesting subject for us and one we have never taken lightly. We have had numerous friends that always bring up that one or the other "takes one for the team" and this is not what we ever want as it defeates our purpose. In the end, we love the atmosphere and people that this lifestyle affords and take part in it all with the intention that we will have zero expectations. After a day and night of flirting, people watching, naked bodies, etc. etc. the sex we will have with each other will be amazing........ if during that marvelous day, stars align and we find that couple of single person that creates that spark, sexual energy and peaked interest we go for it as long as we both agree. If signs are not obvioous which sometimes happens with newbies we may ask, "what are you two into"? The key for us is to not set expectations. Have fun, flirt, make friends, initiate, read body language and make the most of this wonderful time. Be honest first and foremost with each other and yourself and all will be good. Guaranteed!

**mrcaj** · 08-02-2013, 05:01 PM

Instead of colored bracelets, use body paint to write (on your chest, back, etc.) what you are interested in, or more specifically, what you are interested in today. You can quickly match up with similar interests and you can change your mind/paint as often as you like ;-)

**flfitguy** · 08-02-2013, 08:02 PM

As a single guy: I simply talk to people, not just the ones I'm interested in playing with...but everyone that I find Nice. I was married and in the lifestyle, and I always believed that any single guys better be extremely respectful and wait for me to give them the "go ahead" after speaking with my wife. Another note for single guys...I never go to the hot tub at night unless I am invited by a couple or single female. Since I have been in all three capacities (married, w/ girlfriend and single) I did not feel it was appropriate for me to hit the hot tub scene unless invited.