The Better Late than Never Travel Report!
Click Link to see Sticker we made for the trip:HedoJuly4th_sm.jpg
We all know that life sometimes gets in the way of doing the things we want to do rather than the things we are forced to do!
“Although Life would never get in the way of going to H2.”
This is my excuse why it has taken me nearly 365 days to report what we found. Take it or leave it
When I booked the airfare I was rather shrewd and saved nearly $350.00 for around trip. The only catch was we had to drive 150 miles each way to another airport. (And this was when gas was reasonable) so I did my math, and along with the thought of finally getting my new sports car on the open road for a 300mile road trip which I had yet to do tipped the scales in favor for the long trip to Fort Lauderdale airport.
Get your motor running head-out on the highway. I-95….
We left 5 hours early to arrive on time for the airport. Each mile I drove I grew more confident and the accelerator seemed to want to get closer and closer to the floor board. Although Gemini was giving me dirty look (and not the sexy kind) each time she seen the blur of another passed car.
One car I passed was an undercover who flashed blues lights as I passed him along with the whoop sound from a siren. My heart skipped a beat and I merged over and onto the off ramp. The undercover had better things to do rather than write me a ticket and kept going. Well seems like a good time to take a pee break.
Back on I-95 and once again the accelerator is trying to make love to the floor board. 40 miles later DOH! Another trooper and this time he has all the time in the world.$256.00 and seventeen “I told you so(s)” later we arrive at the airport…
Finding the right terminal as well as the right parking area in Fort Lauderdale was a bitch. But thankfully we found parking and made it in the terminal. Than Kaboom we find out that Jamaica Airlines is switching over to Caribbean Airlines that day. Take it from me you don’t want to be the on an airline making changes of this magnitude….
Luckily we had a competent agent who made the changes as quickly as possible. We had about an hour before the flight no harm no foul … or at least we thought.
Delayed and not the good kind of Laid… as in I got laid last nite in the Hot Tub…!
Once again, Take it from me you don’t want to be the on an airline making changes of this magnitude….
At the gate we had the mixer of Jamaican’s returning to their home country and boring Sandal resort tourist awaiting the arrival and our boarding of the Stairway to Heaven aka the plane.
2 movies on my Ipad and 4hours later, I look around to see the same Jamaican’s returning to their home and the same boring Sandal resort tourist at the same gate. OMG! Where is our plane????
The Eagle has landed…
We arrive in Mob Bay…finally and with Customs Paperwork in hand… Paperwork I diligently prepared om the plane ride for the fear of hearing “Sir please step aside so you can correct your paperwork, while I process the remaining passengers crowding behind you.
Ya think… they would have more than one person checking paperwork for 180 passengers. And I am talking about the first person you get to before you get to the second of three customs stop.
So we are a GO at the first step, than we hit the second stop for the stamp…hit the baggage carousel. Now this is where you will have time on your hands to stop and smell the roses.. well not really Roses but the fact you are in Jamaica and now are only a bus trip from H2.
The faithful servant…
I have been fortunate to have met an awesome Jamaican that has his own transport and tour service on the Island about eight years ago and I have used his services since then rather than the hotel bus. His knowledge of the island and defensive driving ability are his award winning features… not to forget his ability to find what you need for the right price makes him invaluable to me.
And even though we were four hours late he was the ever faithful friend awaiting our arrival and transport to the Garden of Edenism.
Get Back Get Back Get Back to where you once belonged….
Tada… after 14 hours of traveling and waiting, H2 never looked so good, although I am a transplant from H3. <small weep for an old friend> But then again after Traveling 14 hours Breezes Golf & Tennis resort would have looked good.
Okay where was I…Sorry I am doing this at the office; you would think I could get some uninterrupted quality time
in order to finish this travel report. But Noooooooooooooooooooooo !
We are given the warm welcome and complimentary “Can I get you both some drinks”?
Once again with the 14th hour slow drawl I responded with “Yes a bottle of Jack would be nice…thank you.”
Oh Yes I love a Dirty Banana while in my BirthDay suit on the beach but at night I loves me a sip of Jack. “Tourist Warning…..” Old Number 7 was a very rare animal at H2… So not chancing it this year on the USA Bday I am hitting Duty Free, so I may toast my Beloved homeland w/ a Salute from Kentucky’s finest.
Wow way off course here… Earth calling A1.
The First Date….
This was Gemini’s Virgin trip and alike a nervous senior grad out with the queen of the prom wanted everything to be perfect for her. So after we checked in and took a well needed shower to wash away a speeding ticket, 17 I told you so’s and travel dust we headed to the late buffet. (This was like mana from the heavens. After our journey)
Next we hit the Piano bar where Karaoke was in a full swing ( full swing see how I stuck that in) drunken harmony… Not really drunken but I felt a sense of debauchery among the Michael Jackson and Justin B wannabes’.
Hmmm …way off course here… Earth calling A1. Again!
Honey go sing me a song … Plz. ( Mind you I added the “Plz” part but that’s the words I heard from Gemini ) and still wanting to serve my Mistre….. I mean Woman did so with “Turn the Page “ to thunderous applause, or moaning I forget which.
One small step for Hedokind!, One Big step for Gemini_baby….
After drinking and meeting others in the bar we headed to the room to ready ourselves for the big Step the Hot Tub located on the other side of the world from our OP room. (Ocean view Prude side) to have Gemini proclaim her freedom from clothing. WOOHOO take it off Baby!
Like a man who has lost all hope she leaped from the clothing ledge on to the warmth of nudity.
Kudos Baby you’re in the band now!
Don’t look back a New day was breaking….
it’s been so long since I felt this way. Morning brought me a sense of adventure finding why some choose H2 over H3. And being very loyal, knew I would be very biases towards my first love H3.
Without much fanfare this was my thoughts.
Both Resort Layouts were day and night to each other. Where being on prude side was never a disadvantage at H3 ,being centralized to all activity’s like a big circle. Everything was in reach within moments of deciding where you wanted to be other than where you were at present.
H2 is like a long cruise ship from stem to stern and if you like being nude don’t go budget minded unless you like walking to all the fun stuff all week.
Fans Fans anything for my Fans!
Dining Hall in July was Hot! We were told on this very same forum that personal fans were a bonus… OMG you guys were so so right!!!!
Gemini found some personal fans before we left the Homelands…No I can’t remember where. But they were the BOMB! Any meal we had one of those environ friendly Green Bags prepared with our two portable fans inside. Grab and go eat, especially since we were a stone’s throw from the dining hall.
They were just big enough to offer some continuous flow of air across our moistened skin, but not so big as to be a distraction on the tables. Of course our table guest and surrounding table guest would give the look and state “Great Idea you guys must have stayed here before?”
We would say no we have not and then shamelessly plug ADULTRAVELFORUM.Com for being the definitive know all on Hedonism. ( can I get my premium site upgrade now?)
Being such B type personalities…Yeah Right NOT ME! After one of the dinners we were asked to be in the Newlywed game for the post dinner show. This turned out to be the most fun we had with our clothes on… But finding out the my mate would think if I was eating her I would think .. Hot Tamales over Juice Fruit is beyond me which cost us the grand prize… OMG Honey I hate Hot Tamales candy… Juicy is the way to go.
It’s a Small Small World….!
We attended the private party that our tour company provided for us as a meet and greet with the Hedo staff and other guest that booked with Castaways.
This was very nice to have the bar to a select few for some undistracted get to know you conversations.
We were served a great lunch and COCKtails. Of course everyone does the where you from thingy… But this never happened to me before. One couple we spoke to said Hey we are from Florida…Funny when you get the same state, then you say where about, then we got the same answer we would have given, then ask city… which was the SAME!, then we got down to the main road we lived off…. Same again Holy Shit!
The wonderful couple we met lived less than a mile from us. Such a small small world we live in people! Kisses Tom and Kay.
ET TU BRUTE!?
So you all killed Toga Night! No tears here!
Moving on….
Honey does this make my Ass look fat? Or PHAT!
PJ / Lingerie night came with a catch…. Gemini wanted me to walk on stage when she did for the PJ / Lingerie dinner show display, of course in a baby doll. Hmm woman go figure.… Being the shy and withdrawn type… yeah I am lying again.. Me being that Hedo type who seeks pleasure in all forms said… can you help me into my corset!
I am happy to report that several catcalls were tossed my way as well on of the sexy entertainment staff put her cell numb in my garter along with a lingering finger… “Just kidding on the lingering finger”. That was mine feeling myself up! Im sexy and I know it wiggle wiggle…
BTW thongs and five inch heels are not as uncomfortable as MagJoy has reported on other sections on this Hedo forum… Well at least they weren’t for me.
No it does cost 12.99 a movie… I swear!
Not much time is spent in the rooms other than for sex, showering, sleeping, changing, did I mention sex? Umm yes I did …. Well in the rooms you have a variety of TV programming some of which is … Porn! That porn is available 24/7 365 days a year, and not like at one of those 12bucks for a jar of Peanuts hotels (you know what I am talking about here…)!
But with all the porn hopefully going on around the TV you really don’t need it. But if that sex is not happening than enjoy the porn on TV it’s free!
Play it again Sam….
Just when we could not tan, serve another volley ball, drink another dirty banana, or judge another how hot is my wife contest any more. Gemini and I along with two other couples shared a taxi to Ricks Café.
A small drive down the coast, thru one horse towns, forgot the cost…but somewhat reasonable split three ways.
For some overpriced drinks and Cliff Divers. The cliff divers were worth the trip if you have never seen this. Not on the bucket list but close enough to be on thought about putting on the bucket list.
Massages by day. Sex fest by nite…
One of the travel companies put on an Orgy… I mean a really meet and really greet in the building over by the tennis courts. It is the spa area that was so amazingly decorated like a roman bath hose with comfort mattress tastefully placed around the warm candle lit baths, I felt like I was in the Caligula movie than the PDA’s started and Bob Guccione, asked if I could face the Camera which now told me I was in the Caligula movie.
Five star ground breaking night for the G Girl! Lick lick wink wink…honey
The Show must go on…
High marks for the E-Staff providing entertainment thru out our stay they really do put their heart and soul into their performances. Some have complained about few activities conducted by the E-Staff during the daytime hours but I really don’t need an e-Crew member to help me enjoy my daytime hours its usually tanning, drinking, ghanga, Sex, and a nap. Just give us a hell’va of a show at dinner and all is good with me.
Dine in or Take out…
Out of the two other dining places available to you on the resort for dinner… Go with the Italian place…hmmm hmmm good, and like Burger king you have your way. Not that the other place is bad mind you. But then again may be I am telling you to go there so you don’t go to the other place and tie up the reservation list. Notice I did not even write the name of the other place… hmmm very interesting.
Late Breaking News… The small fans were purchased in Walmart. I did not ask how much, but how much is it worth not to sweat in your dinner plate?
Well the Five o’clock whistle just blew so it’s time for me to wrap it up here.
I know I missed much and to be real honest…. The thing about Hedo is whether it’s H2 or h3, ( well H2 because H3 is now a family resort…) what really makes this trip fantastic is not the gourmet food, the five star rooms, or the A list headliners that preform nightly.. it’s you and me (mostly me).. That comes to have fun and not be such a picky person with a stick up your ass (unless of course you like having a stick up your ass). Yep I can find faults everywhere too, but when it comes down to it in the end it does not really matter. Let your hair down, take off your clothes and pray you have hot water for your shower after the orgy… Just kidding about the hot water…. It works all the time… wink wink
A1badguy will be preforming nightly in the Hedo Hot Tub along with featured star Gemini_baby. Reserve your tickets now for the June 29th – July 5th shows. @ ticketmistress.com
Pictures
NewlywedGameInHedo2.jpg Newlywed game hedo2 ..We got the question right!
Orgy-Spa: hehhehe Spa-Orgy-Room.jpg
View from Window:Veiwoutwindow.jpg
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