Trip to Fantasy Resort in Puerto Vallarta Mexico
Saturday August 18th, 2012 –
Arrived at Philadelphia International airport using a driver without any problems. When we went inside there were a bunch of people waiting for the American Airlines counter to open so we get in a long line, which got a lot longer after that. When they finally opened people would check in, but then have to have their checked luggage weighed, tagged and then take it themselves to another part of the room, walking thru the line of people, to some new scanner they had. Very inefficient and unorganized. We finally checked in and did the same thing with our bags and off we went to find the gate, but low and behold, TSA to go thru security was not even open yet. They finally open and we wait in that line, get up to having our passports and tickets checked before the metal detector and the guy yells at me because I walk up to him with my wife. Every other time they checked us in together. The other TSA agent said to come to her and asked for my ticket and I said my wife had the tickets and she’s over there. The agent said then you should be over there with her, and I told her “He said I can’t be over there to come over here”. Then he announced to everyone that everyone must have their own ticket.
Next we get to the scanners and I get told all electronics must be out, laptops, ipads, phones, cameras, video cameras. I just wish that they would have the same rules everywhere and follow the same procedures. Every time we go thru it’s different. Then they stop joan and she has to go in the little room, again this time. Apparently they saw this amazing futuristic device they never saw before, and had no idea what it was and wanted her to tell them how it works and scanned it all but itself. The agent showed two other agents who were equally dumbfounded. It was a freaking luggage scale. They never heard of one before. These are the people entrusted with the security of our nation’s airways. Heaven help us.
First time we ever had to take a connecting flight. We flew into Dallas with some bad weather so they flew around it, 20 minutes late. Now were rushing to make our connecting flight, but got there in plenty of time. I stopped to get a drink and maybe something to eat but got several dirty looks from the counter guy and the two guys in line in front of me, who worked in the airport (had airport ID’s on) and were all just chatting up a storm. I guess they didn’t like my Philadelphia Eagles Jersey in Dallas. Finally load onto the second plane and it was also 20 minutes delayed flying around weather. As we approach to land we can see that the area we are going into is a lot of mountains, but very scenic.
The customs and immigration in Mexico was a breeze at their airport. Quickly thru both. As we were trying to exit the airport and look for the person that was taking us to the resort the main desk stopped us and literally got in front of us blocking our way. The girl came from behind the counter and kept asking where we were going and you have to check in here first. Lucky our excellent travel agent gave us the low down, to bypass this and look for a specific person, dressed a specific way holding a specific sign. I told the girl this several times until she got very upset with me telling me “fine you go outside and get lost then, I don’t care”. So we went and found our person and within a few minutes we and a few other couples were on the bus.
Check in was quick and easy. They handed us mimosas and cold washcloths to cool our faces after the bus ride, which was only a short ride from the airport. We had an escort to the room, with a tour of the resort along the way. We had a two bedroom suite and were very impressed with the size of the rooms. It had a very large living room area, kitchen area, a back deck with mini pool and a table and chairs. One bedroom was very large with a walk in bathroom and plenty of closet space with a mini safe. The second bedroom was smaller but still quite nice. No safe in the second bedroom though. There was a bathroom that had a door to the common area but also a door to the second bedroom, so close the door to the common room and each bedroom has its own bathroom, very nice.
We did a quick unpack and stopped at the bar that was set up at the nude pool for Banana Daiquiri’s and the bartender said they were out of banana’s. I told him that I could have something else but he insisted I get what I wanted and literally ran to the main dining area and got a bunch of banana’s and ran back. He made us our drinks which we put in our groups kitten & angel purple mugs and tried them out. Very strong but very good. We took our drinks and walked towards the lobby checking out the resort. We waited in the lobby for our friends and Co-Hosts of our group, Fred and angel. While waiting the lady at one of the desks asked about the money for the transportation, which I quickly went back to the room and got and paid her and got my receipt (which I kept luckily for later on in the report). On the way back to the lobby I saw them bringing out a volleyball and a ping pong table by the nude pool.
We met Fred and angel, and as we were walking to the room I took over the guided tour, lol. They dropped their stuff off at the room and we went to find the lunch area at one end of the resort. Sat down and had some fresh made fish, and some shrimp. Seemed a little overcooked but was still good. After lunch we went to the nude pool, got naked and went up to the bar. The bartender, Eric, never heard of a dirty banana. I looked over his selection of alcohol and saw some things that could be substituted and went behind the bar and made dirty bananas. We made a few batches and shared them with other people coming up to the bar and wanted to try them.
We hung out in the pool and chatted for a while then went back to the room to shower and get dressed for the first cocktail party which was at 7pm by the main dining area. They had live music playing, great staff, waiters got our drinks. The food was kind of sparse, only three small choices for the cocktail party and it did not impress. We did get to chat with James and Champagne our travel agents for our group; it was great meeting them in person. They did announcements and then we went back to the room to change for dinner.
We dressed for black and white night, but were about the only ones. Some women had black and white dresses on but not many. Dinner was sit down with menus and I forgot my glasses so joan had to read the menu for me. I liked the chicken enchiladas and fish so I asked if I could have both and they said it was not a problem. I also had cream of asparagus soup which was very good. The service and food were excellent.
Fred and angel went back to the room while joan and I went to the disco to check it out. It was nice, with a raised lit up dance floor with two stripper poles on it. Male and female strippers got on stage and semi stripped (she had pasties and he got down to his undies) and were promoting a trip to a strip club from the resort. We had a few drinks there and then went back to the room for some fun of our own.
Sunday August 19th, 2012
Up in the am while joan slept and worked on my gun for my costume. After the big incident taking Tim Air in Jamaica and almost getting arrested for a toy gun, I didn’t want to chance it in Mexico, so I drew an outline of my gun on a few pieces of cardboard and cut them out and wrapped them in black electrical tape at the resort. Fred came out to help and pushed the blade out on a knife that popped out sideways and cut his finger. After bandaging up Fred we headed to breakfast. They had a breakfast buffet and an omelet station as well.
After breakfast we went to the room for a short time then off to the nude pool. It was a little cloudy but warm. The Head Entertainment Coordinator (EC) Paris was starting a water aerobics class, so joan and I went over and did that, what a good work out that was. We had a waiter around the pool to get our drinks, Jose, who was excellent. We would see him all week at breakfast, at the pool and at the lunch area. Though sometimes we asked for drinks with Malibu Rum and watched as they made the drinks and did not use Malibu.
Went to the lunch café and joan had some red meat (my carnivore) which she said was very good I had fish again, which was definitely overcooked this time. It was drizzling and a little cloudy and I checked the main hot tub which is in the same area but it was not hot at all, kind of cool. We went back to the nude pool area and the sun came out. Paris asked for people to play a game so joan and I went up and did that and had fun. I asked Paris what I won for the best costume the night before and I got a 40% off voucher for the spa. Great we were planning on getting massages anyway. We hung out at the pool and chatted with people for a while, just relaxing.
Later in the day we went back to the room to shower and dress in costume for the costume party at 7pm this time. Today it was at the Agave bar which is on the second floor of a building just off the main lobby. Nice place, kind of like Hedo’s piano bar, minus the piano. Today’s theme was Guys and Dolls, so joan dressed like a gangster girl with blow up gun and I went in my fetish cop outfit. Cops and Gangsters went well. Everyone loved our costumes and of course Fred and angel’s costumes. They did a Tequila tasting contest, which we don’t drink tequila so we skipped that but watched and chatted with some folks. They tasted and tested 6 different kinds. They got us other drinks though and the service was excellent.
We went from there right to the dining room tonight and we had a sit down dinner once again. I did remember my glasses this time. We ordered and chatted, with quick and friendly service, but when our meals came out two of us had the wrong orders. We pointed it out and the waiter ran back and quickly fixed it though. The air was ice cold in the dining area and even too cold, with our skimpy outfits, and after dinner I did not want desert so I went outside to warm up while joan got desert. She got the wrong desert, not what she ordered but still thought it was good and ate it.
We stopped by the room so angel could change and then we went to the disco. The disco was empty at 10pm when things were supposed to start. We figured many people went to the strip club trip they were advertising last night. They were supposed to have a chocolate fountain but it turns out it was going to be something on people. We waited just outside the back of the disco where they have a shimmer pool, very nice area. We checked out the play room on the second floor, very nice area with several large beds made up with canopy’s and spread out in the room. A few people showed up and Paris was setting things up but after a while we just head back to the room. We saw frogs on the walkways on the way back to the rooms.
Monday August 20th, 2012
I got up at 8:30am and was doing notes on the back deck by our own private pool. It was warm already, and I liked it. We went to the breakfast buffet and it was good again, except they don’t label the food and since I don’t eat red meat if I don’t know what something is I can’t eat it. I ordered pineapple juice for me and cranberry for joan but they brought her orange juice and I think they took pineapple and put it in a smoothie machine and made the juice for me.
After breakfast we waited in the lobby for a bus as we were taking the trip to the private island the resort offered, included in the stay. The bus was a large tour type bus, and it was about a 50 minute ride to a marina where a large catamaran was waiting. On the bus ride we got to see a lot of Mexico, it looked a lot like Jamaica except the signs were in Spanish. The catamaran had cushioned seats set up all around the boat. It was about a 45 min ride to the private beach area and they had a small boat that took everyone to the beach. The boat made two trips and got everyone to the beach where they had tables set up with mixed drinks and beer. The beer was not cold enough but still tasted good. I think they just put it on ice right before we got there. They also had bamboo matts on the sand with beach umbrellas set up to put your things on or sit and relax. The water was warm but cloudy with all the recent storms. We swam, and ate some food they had set up. Sandwiches and the guacamole that I have to admit, like I read, might have been the best I ever had in my life. Paris had them bring snorkel equipment and life jackets in and joan and I snorkeled some but with the poor visibility she didn’t see anything. I went over some rocks and saw some fish. As we were snorkeling I saw a couple on a float attached to the catamaran having some adult fun. We relaxed there for about 2 hours and then all headed back to the boat. The boat had a pole on the main deck area, not sure if it was designed to be a stripper pole but it definitely worked out that way. Paris was up dancing with some of the women when the boat owner broke out some cold beer. That was nice for the trip back. They passed the tip jar around and we tipped well. On the bus ride back to the resort we stopped at a small store, like a 7-11 or Wawa store. I got a Coors Light, an imported beer there. It started to rain when we were there but at least the weather was nice on the boat and the beach.
When we got back to the resort the sun came out again. We hit the lunch café the fish was excellent today and joan had a chicken sandwich with cheese on it. The fries were a little undercooked and were all week. We went to the nude pool and saw several PDA’s and being told by the staff that they need to take it to the playroom. They did not stop. I had a conversation with a very sexy blonde lady about how my tongue ring feels and she wanted to try it out. So she did, and then tried my other ring on her tongue. When a staff member objected to her being on her knees in front of me, joan covered his eyes.
We went back to our room to shower and change. The daily cocktail party was supposed to be on the rooftop beach area but it was not done yet and it started to rain, so it was moved to the Agave bar. It was Lingerotica Night so joan had some sexy lingerie on and I had my Mickey Mouse boxers, black shirt, white gloves and light up Mickey Mouse ears. We had a good time again at the Agave bar. It was raining hard outside so we stayed and chatted with James and Champagne again.
Eventually we wanted to go to dinner so we cut thru the big empty ballroom that takes you almost right to the dining room. I had to take my Mickey Mouse feet slippers off so they stayed dry. Dinner was going to be a poolside Mexican Buffet but because of the rain it was moved to the main dining area. The food they had was good but we thought there would be more authentic Mexican food at the Mexican Buffet. We made our way back to the room and it started to rain even harder. With the weather we skipped the disco tonight and just relaxed in the room.
Tuesday August 21st, 2012
I got up early since I went to bed early. They put out some fruit and pastries in the alcove of our building and I had some fresh pineapple. There was no coffee out yet but I don’t drink coffee but others were looking for it.
Breakfast was kind of full today so we took a table outside. The food was not labeled again so even though some things looked good I had to pass. I took some pictures out the back window of the golf course, very nice looking course. We went back to the room after breakfast and got our stuff for the pool.
Went to the nude pool and got our drinks and relaxed. I did the aerobics without joan today. Today we did some with a partner and I got a sexy young lady to do it with me. When I was done I started to head back to the corner and I saw joan having some fun.
We had massages set up for 2pm so we got out of the pool and got ready for that. We didn’t know where to go and had to ask. We got side by side 50 minute massages and it was pretty good though a little hard. Next time we won’t check the medium box but will put the light massage.
After the massages we went to the lunch café and I ordered the fresh fish. The cook made several pieces but gave them all away to others who came in after me. I had to have him make me more. We ate our lunch and went back to the nude pool area. It was cloudy but warm. They had a large plastic hamster ball that you get in and they inflate around you and try and run on the water in the pool. A lot of people tried it and it looked like fun. They would slip and slide and fall. Paris called me to get in the ball and I went over and tried it but they held the ball and I slipped and fell on my back. I still had fun but it got hot in there and the air stuffy so I had to get out.
We went back to the room and kitten wanted to have some fun in the room, apparently someone got her all excited. We showered and got ready for the 7pm cocktail party and again right around that time it started to rain heavy. We dressed in costume for the cocktail party again, tonight was Advanced Education, school girl night. I dressed as the nerd and joan as the school girl. The party was in the Agave bar again because of the rain and eventually people showed up. We chatted and had a few drinks then took our short cut to the dining room again. Table service dinner again. Excellent service and food.
After dinner we stopped by the room for Fred and angel to change and then went to the disco. James (our travel agent) showed up in a similar nerd outfit but he was in character the whole night and did an amazing job. We stayed for a while as we actually liked the music they played at the disco almost every night. We sat with a couple that had been flirting with us on and off all week and chatted.
We left the disco and checked out the hot tub, it was not cold but not very hot, but was warm. So we took our costumes off and went in for a while and had some fun in the hot tub. We saw the couple we chatted with and invited them in with us but they did not come in. We got out and went into the Lunch Café place which had a midnight food service going on. They actually had towels out in a rack in the dining area for people getting out of the hot tub, another nice touch. I ordered a pizza with mushrooms and joan ordered a plain small cheese pizza. Once again someone came in after us, and they gave joan’s pizza to him. So they had to remake her order. We got back to the room around 3am and had some more fun in the room.
Wednesday August 22nd, 2012
Up for breakfast, not so early this time since we were up so late. The service was excellent; Jose from the nude pool was there and gave us great service again. The food finally got labels, after I ate. We stopped by the room to get our towels and went to the nude pool. I got to play volleyball today and had a great time. We played a few games.
After playing volleyball we went to the lunch café and all the tables were taken except two small ones so I pulled them together so the four of us could sit together. I had a chicken sandwich with cheese on it today and it was very good. After lunch we went to the room to get ready for our 4pm meeting.
We had a meeting with others and management who wanted to know what we thought of the resort and what could be improved. Some good things were said, a few debates, and a few things that I can tell the resort had no intentions of changing. I was glad they asked us but I did not get much time to speak and I had a very detailed list. The resort manager told me he was very interested in hearing what I had to say but had another meeting to go to and asked me to email him my list when I got home.
We all went back to the room to change for the cocktail party. Tonight was Wild Wild West Night, so I dressed as my Toy Story Woody and joan as Jesse. All week workers were repairing a straw hut type roof on an area just off the nude pool and finished today so the cocktail party was under there. They set up a bar and put a very nice spread of food out. Unfortunately the worst storm of the week hit. The new roof did not leak but the ground started to flood and fill up. We all kept changing our spots until we ran out of dry areas. The resort staff got giant poolside umbrellas to guide us to the room area and then a short cut thru the parking garage to get to the dining area. We still got pretty wet. Going thru the back corridors and flooding, reminded joan of the Poseidon Adventure, lol.
We got to the dining area and sat down to eat and the girls were wet and cold. We asked the staff and they brought them towels that they said felt like they just came out of the dryer, perfect. We had a good dinner, all the correct meals and again excellent food and service. The rain slowed some so we all went back to the room and it started raining harder again. We had a small flood coming into the room from our front door and we put some towels down and stopped that. Since it was our last night and we had to be up early we just stayed in the room and finished packing then relaxed for a bit.
Thursday August 23rd, 2012
Up early to finish packing. Called the front desk to find out how to get bags picked up. Told that when you check out at the front desk they send someone for the bags. So we went to the front desk and checked out, and told them the bags were outside the door. Then we went to breakfast before we left.
Since we found out at the meeting that we were allowed to tip the staff, we tipped the people that we remembered that were good to us during our brief stay. When we were leaving Fred and angel saw us off but so did Paris. A nice touch again.
The cab ride to the airport was quick and the driver stopped as we were leaving the front gate of the area because they had a leopard in a cage there and he let me get a picture of it. Extremely fast check in at the airport, even with all four of our checked bags being searched prior to being checked. Going thru security we did not have to take our shoes off or take my computer out of the bag or anything like that. So we had plenty of time to go thru the airport and pick up a few things. They did have posted they had free internet but I could not get my IPAD to pick it up.
Flight to Dallas was uneventful except for the guy behind me who obviously did not understand that someone was sitting in front of him, hitting the back of the chair, with his hands, legs, head, constantly the whole flight, except for the time he had the seat tray down and was beating on it like a freaking drum. If I was not worried about getting arrested for something big I would have smacked him. And I know if I said something it would have escalated so I didn’t say anything.
The line thru customs was unbelievably long. So much I was worried about the connecting flight and it was a long layover. When we finally got up the customs agent just got up and left our line. The line next to us was no set line in front of him he was taking people from other lines so we went up when it was open. First he bitched that we “went in his line”. I explained our agent left a while ago and never came back. He said he would be back then threatened to send me to the back of the line because I was wearing a Philadelphia Eagles T shirt in Dallas. After we got thru that mess (the other agent never returned) we got our bags and went thru the second half and then re checked our bags, which was quite easy.
We had to take a shuttle to get to the area of our connecting flight, found our gate and a nice place called Papasitos Cantina was right near our gate, so we stopped there for a drink and something to eat. Crowded but good food and decent service. Boarded our plane and got to Philly without any problems. Got our bags and then a slight miscommunication on where we were getting picked up. Quick car ride home by the same driver that dropped us off and we were home.
Overall Views
The Good
The rooms are amazing. We had the 2 bedroom suite and toured the 3 bedroom suite which was even nicer.
The A/C worked amazingly great everywhere on the resort.
The food was fresh, and very good every night in the restaurant.
Pool side service for drinks
Volleyball in the nude pool
Playroom is very large, multiple beds
Private pool and patio on the room we had was amazing
Towels available at poolside to use
The Not So Good
No beach on the resort
The food at the buffet was not labeled
Staff rushed to please and got the orders wrong often
No PDA’s allowed
No picture policy anywhere public
Website advertises a “nude beach” when it is just a volleyball net on sand, no beach
Playroom is up a lot of stairs on the second floor (which they plan to move to the 1st floor later)
Food at lunch was usually good but sometimes either over or under cooked
Co-Hosts of kitten + angel's 15th Annual Spring Fling April 9th - 16th, 2022 (We will be onsite 4/7/22 - 4/18/22) 
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Originally Posted by VaLovers
AND there are not restrooms on the island as of right now... 
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