Hedo II

This was our first foray to H2. We decided to check it out for 3 nights prior to 9 nights at H3. Our impressions are below, but we found that the old adage of “you like the first one you go to better” rang true for us. We traveled with our good friends Rick and Ivy.

Flight AJ 74 LAX Direct to MBJ: We ponied up on first class this time. We have flown business class on other airlines that just blows AJ’s 1st away. We would NOT pay for 1st on AJ again. Just not worth the extra money when with a little help from our friend Xanax you sleep the whole way.

Airport to H2: Rode a smallish bus, just the 4 of us, with a driver with a very thick patois accent and a gentleman named Anthony. Anthony kept us entertained and was the highlight of the semi early morning drive. We would continue seeing Anthony around the resort for the duration of our stay, always with a smile and happy greeting.

Registration: We arrived and there was almost no wait to get to the desk. Only one manic kinda creepy guy (guest) rambling about how someone was stalking his wife and they needed to transfer to H3. I thought I saw a woman with him in the lobby, but when we arrived at H3 three days later, he was there with no wife to be seen. If you are this guy- please dude, switch to decaf. He got totally wally/vinny on our group at H3- thinking it was funny to throw ice at strangers- uncool.
My wife and Rick approached the desk and enquired with the girl checking people in about the possibility of keeping our rooms close to one another. They were flatly, and without checking, told no. Now I don’t want to be an a-hole about it, but at least fake like you are going to try to find something so that can happen then tell us no. I understand booking ROH brings a bit of uncertainty, but this was not a good foot to get started on. Turns out the resort was only at something like 30% capacity during our whole stay, which makes the girl with the weave and red highlights at the desk a definite low-light in customer service from our stays in Jamaica. Hopefully the customer comment cards are taken seriously as she was graphically described in ours.

Room 1158: Dated of course, as we knew to expect, but clean and LOVED the shower heads! The kind of thing we keep putting off having installed in ours- maybe we won’t wait much longer, awesome! The bed comfortable and being down at the far end of the prude side the only real noise was the road, which was only about 30 yards away from our door. Maid service was good every day, the A/C fine, and never had a problem with hot water.

Food: After 2 stays at H3, we were ready to be underwhelmed by the food as usual. This was definitely not the case. The regular buffet foods were a little better, and the pastry chef head and shoulders above what we had experienced before. We ate at Munasan one night, and Pastafari another, both excellent.

Grounds: WOW! Beautiful heavy landscaping throughout, and the tree frog noise is at a whole different level with the maturity of the greenery. Our only complaint about the grounds was that it was so far to walk from our room to where we enjoyed being, the nude pool.

Bars: We never hit the prude side bars aside from the main bar. The bar service for the most part was great, and the drinks well made. As for the famous Delroy, never saw him. The food at the grill was good, and Robert was only there one day that we were. Scumba seemed to be high the days we saw him, and definitely had his favorites. The lady working the nude pool bar 2 of our days there was great, Paulette was her name- right on par with Serena at H3.

PDA’s: I wish I could say our stay at II was crazy with em, but I can’t. One day it rained heavily in the afternoon and it cleared the nude pool our pretty well. There were 4-5 couples in the hot tub, mainly keeping to themselves, but the sex police were nowhere to be seen and pretty much everything was seen (and done ). The nights we went out to the nude pool around 1230-1 it was dead. In fact one night at 1230 we went out and the bar was empty, the pool empty, and there were 2 single guys sitting opposite each other in the hot tub. Hovering I guess. We passed. I think this was more a function of the resort being so empty than the spirit of the people who usually go.

Pools: Very cool setup with the multiple pools and hot tubs scattered throughout. The hidden hot tub by our room looked a little green when we checked it out in daylight, so we passed. The water other places looked good, and never had a problem with towels. Again, based on other reports, this is probably due to the low numbers during our stay.

Beach: A very nice improvement over H3, which is postage stamp sized. We were pretty unimpressed with the snorkeling off the nude beach, but we hear there are better spots further down toward the prude side. Lots of rafts and lounges for many people. The resort was so empty that one night my hottie wife and I had the whole end of the beach to ourselves, watching the lightning in the distance as the tide came in. That was the definite highlight of our stay at H2.

Piano Bar: Loved it- only 15-20 of us in there when we went, but no smoking was awesome! The piano player was fun and there was one evening a saxophonist joined him in accompaniment that was amazing.

Entertainment: The house band is terrific, with great song choices of ska and reggae that we really like. It was strange, people say the crowd at H2 tends to be older, but the band plays younger music, where at H3 people say the crowd is younger, yet the band plays older music- dunno what’s with that. The EC’s were great entertainers in the evenings, but we did not like how the nude pool activities were more centered on the beach.

The People: Definitely an older crowd than we were used to. Nothing wrong with that, just saying. It is great to see people in their 60’s and 70’s still living it up. Nice enough, but it seemed people were there with friends and not all that interested in making more.

Local Agriculture: Used right out in the open, almost continuously by one table throughout the day and no one ever said anything to them. I think they took it a little far one morning when they sparked up in the dining room during breakfast, one well built male guest was about to pinch the head off the guy, and I do not think many would have blamed him. Time and place my friends, time and place.

Overall: We always say it is the people you go with who make the trip. We had good friends with us, and had a nice time even after the unsettling welcome. We might go back, but would definitely insist on certain rooms, and go with a group.

Nick and Kerry, Cocktails International
www.themartiniglass.com