Question about play

[mac_r_a]

Before we left I made up a chart of all the various activities that I could think of potentially occurring. There were permutations for the person answering being the involved party as well as the person answering being a not-involved party. We checked off if we were ok with it, ok with it if the non-involved person was present, ok with it if asked right before hand, and not ok with it. Then I set up a cross tabulation chart to show where there was amenable overlap and voila... we had a table of the activities that we were both ok with doing and with the other person doing.

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

Could you share that chart, it sounds awesome!!!

[PhotogFlight]

Decision made "heat of the moment" usually leads to "heat afterwards". I wouldn't risk it, it something that should be talked about and decided beforeheand and have rules made. Not a good idea to test the waters that way

i completely concur with this. Add alcohol and things get very sticky (uh...you know what I mean). While a drink or two (or three) to loosen up is one thing, don't go into anything shitfaced. Bad things happen. I'm a firm believer in boundaries, even if you have to de-sexualize the experience by discussing it before hand. Perhaps a "pie" chart? hehe.

[A1Badguy]

A variety of views here, and there's no right or wrong. We'd been together almost 20 years vefore we came to H2 3 years ago and we'd spent YEARS talking about the possibilities, consequences etc. We are so solid with each other that we know there's not really any situation that could phase us, and we only have one rule - we NEVER do anything out of eyesight of each other - we actually find the buzz of looking into each other's eyes while we are with other people a real turn on! We find the spontaneity of the sitaution at Hedo a real buzz as well! I'd recommend anyone going for the first time to spend a long time talking over the possibilities, and we also find that being absolutely straight and honest with the people

you meet is a great idea, and setting out your likes and limits is a great intro. As Cop says in his last post, it's not aboput what you "can get" - and anyone who is there
with that attitude will be a total jerk and should be avoided. We've done everything
from going all the way to mild flirting and it's all good. Very, very, good in fact. Only 2weeks to go.

Kudos on your post to this thread, you seemed to have provide a very sane and excellent direction for couples who have concern in this area. And a major concern it is with most
of the couples chiming in on this post. The degrees of responses seem to vary, but the core keywords from all responses that bind them together to me are
honesty, communication, and selflessness.

Brenda and I are taking that time to communicate honestly prior to departure and feel comfortable to communicate our thoughts to potential fun couples we meet @ hedo before
we wade into the deep end of the hot tub.... 54 to go!

[S&Tliketoparty]

Before our first swinging experience we talked the subject to death then talked more about it. We not only covered the situations we were preparing to put ourselves into but also a lot of hypothetical situations. Even though many of the hypothetical situations may never come to pass they helped us figure out how each other was thinking and understand on a deeper level their position. We thought it was good to figure out what may or may not make one of us uncomfortable that way we wouldn't have to figure that out in the moment. Also it helped to ensure that our positions on what we are willing to do was not influenced by alcohol or the potential to play, instead they were based on how we felt in a more objective way. I would say that if there is even a possibility of playing with others that boundaries and concerns should be discussed before hand so that issues are less likely to arise in the moment or after. When we were all done with our many many discussions the rules were rather simple and allow for great spontaneity. Basically our big rules are condoms are a must, we both must be present and we have to both be ok with it before starting.

[PhotogFlight]

Kudos on your post to this thread, you seemed to have provide a very sane and excellent direction for couples who have concern in this area. And a major concern it is with most
of the couples chiming in on this post. The degrees of responses seem to vary, but the core keywords from all responses that bind them together to me are
honesty, communication, and selflessness.

Brenda and I are taking that time to communicate honestly prior to departure and feel comfortable to communicate our thoughts to potential fun couples we meet @ hedo before
we wade into the deep end of the hot tub.... 54 to go!

Awesome response. I agree wholeheartedly. It's ALL about communication and honesty. Sometimes it's hard to admit what you want for fear of being perceived as NASTY...or hard to say you can't do something for fear of letting down your partner. I've always struggled with boundaries and my amazing husband has helped me to find ways to overcome that difficulty. I was in the Lifestyle for a bit longer that my husband, but i was the Elusive Single Female...never had to worry about what someone else thought or how my actions could injure that person. So far we have only played together...I say we're a package deal We know a couple who play separately and right now I can't imagine that. Who knows if that will change or not and I don't really care. I do know that if there's even a shred of insecurity or jealousy i'd recommend taking baby steps, if any at all.

Good luck...and don't forget to have fun

[CARRIBEAN BUFFS]

As many have said honest discussions of boundries a must. Some advise we have found helpful, as relative newbies ourselves. What you may feel your comfortable with during discussions in the safe confines of your own home, can change when you are confronted with it in the flesh, so to speak. It is not a bad idea to remain under the radar for the first day or so at hedo, allowing yourselves time to absorb and process the atmosphere and what's happening around you. Kind of like taking a moment to reconfirm where you thought you were at. IMHO