Question about play

**4us2** · 03-09-2011, 06:18 PM

Has anyone ever have a spouse that said they would not pare take in playing with others until the heat of the moment came about an went thru with it ? I think in the heat of things many things are possible but not sure if we should test the waters.

**TandA4Evr** · 03-09-2011, 06:34 PM

I would say that you should talk about it a lot before you go and establish your rules...you can always make adjustments (only when sober) if you meet someone that you are comfortable with. I cannot stress how important communication is before you go as well as while you are there. If your spouse in uncomfortable you must be able to respect that if that means it is just the two of you for the trip that is fine too...I had some specific "yes I could do that's" and some "no way I would ever do that's" and I made some adjustments along the way and have no regrets but again we communicated and I was comfortable and that makes all the difference.

**mac_r_a** · 03-09-2011, 07:23 PM

Decision made "heat of the moment" usually leads to "heat afterwards". I wouldn't risk it, it something that should be talked about and decided beforeheand and have rules made. Not a good idea to test the waters that way

**bobandlaura2004** · 03-11-2011, 11:45 AM

Before we left I made up a chart of all the various activities that I could think of potentially occurring. There were permutations for the person answering being the involved party as well as the person answering being a not-involved party. We checked off if we were ok with it, ok with it if the non-involved person was present, ok with it if asked right before hand, and not ok with it. Then I set up a cross tabulation chart to show where there was amenable overlap and voila... we had a table of the activities that we were both ok with doing and with the other person doing.

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

**ColonelPanic** · 03-11-2011, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by bobandlaura2004

and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

I love you! I am the same way, but if I tried to do that, I'd have divorce paperwork on my hands.

**locogringo** · 03-11-2011, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by bobandlaura2004

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

Wow, here we were thinking we were the only people nerdy enough to do something like that

**funcouple_nepa** · 03-11-2011, 04:30 PM

heat of the moment can be fun if all involved is ok with it other wise control even under the influence is important.. I justwanna have fun
Kelly.. the virgin

**bibabe** · 03-12-2011, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by bobandlaura2004

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

I sooo want to see that chart!!!!!! Seriously you should post it without responses just so we can adjust or add to!!!!

**HedoIIIlover** · 03-12-2011, 11:11 PM

Originally Posted by bibabe

I sooo want to see that chart!!!!!! Seriously you should post it without responses just so we can adjust or add to!!!!

Yea, what bibabe said.. post it for all to see... should be fun

**copsandrobbers** · 03-13-2011, 01:53 AM

Yes post it!!! ha ha

**sabinaandscott** · 03-13-2011, 08:38 AM

We too originally had the list of rules...wrote down the final ten and took the list with us the first time...needless to say we are down to one rulle now and don't need to see it in writing anymore.
Bottom line, we've seen too many spur of the moment descisions go bad..sometimes while the situation is progressing, and more often the next day. Even know a few couples who'd let the spur of the moment descion ruin their vacation and they promptly left the resort never to be heard from again.
Discussion between you, openly and honestly beforehand, and a clear understanding that if in the heat of the moment your partner is not comfortable, you back off and don;t risk misadventure.

**scott-n-bobbi** · 03-13-2011, 09:00 AM

My wife has said "no" to extras involved in play and is quite adament about it. I think that if in the
heat of the moment with amounts of alcohol involved she changed her mind and wanted to I would
have to stop and have a long talk. I just get the feeling that in the end I would not here the end of it.
To me the pleasure at the moment would not be worth the pain and heartache that could follow. Now
if after that long talk we were both on the same page then OK but not until then.

**funcouple_nepa** · 03-13-2011, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by scott-n-bobbi

My wife has said "no" to extras involved in play and is quite adament about it. I think that if in the
heat of the moment with amounts of alcohol involved she changed her mind and wanted to I would
have to stop and have a long talk. I just get the feeling that in the end I would not here the end of it.
To me the pleasure at the moment would not be worth the pain and heartache that could follow. Now
if after that long talk we were both on the same page then OK but not until then.

Same here....
Mike

**TandA4Evr** · 03-13-2011, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by bobandlaura2004

Before we left I made up a chart of all the various activities that I could think of potentially occurring. There were permutations for the person answering being the involved party as well as the person answering being a not-involved party. We checked off if we were ok with it, ok with it if the non-involved person was present, ok with it if asked right before hand, and not ok with it. Then I set up a cross tabulation chart to show where there was amenable overlap and voila... we had a table of the activities that we were both ok with doing and with the other person doing.

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

Bob,

I know this is you, this is (Fred)....the question is, did you guys have a good time????lol
Charts and all, you are a Rock star!!!!

**CandG** · 03-24-2011, 03:04 AM

Originally Posted by bobandlaura2004

Before we left I made up a chart of all the various activities that I could think of potentially occurring. There were permutations for the person answering being the involved party as well as the person answering being a not-involved party. We checked off if we were ok with it, ok with it if the non-involved person was present, ok with it if asked right before hand, and not ok with it. Then I set up a cross tabulation chart to show where there was amenable overlap and voila... we had a table of the activities that we were both ok with doing and with the other person doing.

So we knew all the important things before we left... and amongst those is the fact that I am a big nerd who likes charts and tables.

Wow! We're strong believers in communication and setting limits beforehand, but if I tried to do what you did my head would explode! What do you do when a situation arises that isn't on your chart?