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Thread: Trip Report June 19-30, 2010

  1. #1
    Registered User ColonelPanic's Avatar
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    Trip Report June 19-30, 2010

    Perhaps I'll come back and add some more detail later, depending on what people would like to know. But here's the things that were most notable to me:

    The 6am Air Jamaica flight out of Philadelphia got us on the front doorstep of H2 at 10:10am. We were on the beach at 10:40am, after unpacking our bags into the dressers/etc and applying liberal amounts of sunscreen.

    Tony the bellman is no longer at H2. Reportedly he is in Virginia. Great for him, but we missed his smiling face, for sure. Carl the bartender is also gone, among others. Shamari and Akeem, newer bartenders, were both lively and enjoyable.

    We had room 1113, a prude hot tub room. I really liked the location of this room; close to the dining room for evening outfit changes, quiet enough for "private time" with the wife on the back patio, and still not too far away from the nude beach. It also put you directly by the dive shack to exchange towels every day without having to walk out of your way, and the prude bar was only 20 yards out of the way to pick up a drink on the way to the beach.

    Ashtrays were really scarce. Perhaps this is a sign of the times, with less and less smokers, but it was downright frustrating to find an ashtray at times. As someone who tries to be conscientious about my smoking (and the disposal of ashes/butts) I found this a bit cumbersome. Will definitely bring ashtrays next trip. Interestingly, another couple mentioned that ashtrays were more plentiful than they had ever seen; perhaps we've always just come right after a group that brings lots of them, but it was fewer than I had ever witnessed.

    A friend of mine made up bumper stickers last December to take on his trip, and I saw one at the disco. Was kind of neat to see something as fleeting as that last so long.

    Occupancy was low, really low. If it was at 30%, I'd have been surprised. Many of the workers were only getting 5 days every two weeks. I'm really curious how June will be next year once H3 is no longer an option.

    The Kink in the Caribbean group was there, and generally kept to themselves, aside from the evening stage shows. They did invite anyone at the resort to visit their morning workshops; everyone I know who went and really enjoyed them.

    Not a lot of PDA, but it's a slow time and a lot of non-swingers, so that's not terribly surprising. PDA police were not out that I ever saw. One guy we met enjoyed his smoke a lot and pretty much all over the resort, especially on the nude beach. Only one day did security ask him to put it out, without any explanation. I'm guessing someone must have complained, as he had no further issues that week.

    At the same time, we had a number of men who were able to linger at the nude pool for a very long time before security bothered them about their clothing. This is something I do feel should be enforced more strictly.

    More rain than typical. There was a tropical depression (later to become Alex or Adam or something? I didn't pay attention) which dropped a lot of water on us. I now know that all those aqueducts all over the resort are necessary.

    As with any week, met tons of great folks, either repeaters from a different time of year or first timers. Had no problems with anyone that couldn't be resolved simply and easily. A few more-aggressive-than-usual single males, but again, all that I'm aware of took the word no seriously. And equal to, if not outnumbered by, the single males that we enjoyed thoroughly.

    I'll leave it to magjoy to tell any specific stories, but suffice it to say, another week in paradise.

    Return trip felt really long, but was on time and hassle free. Air Jamaica is apparently doing carryon bag searches of all carryons at the time of departure. So we did the whole security thing at the entrance to the airport but had to also be searched again at the gate. Annoying, but the plane still got off on time.

    Absolutely no lighters or matches were permitted through security. This is in contrast to the US, where you can carry a BIC lighter or matches, but not a butane lighter. If you want to keep your lighters, put them in checked luggage.

    That's all for now. I'll think awhile and see if anything else pops out.
    H2 Trip #10: June 14-30, 2014

  2. #2
    Registered User aliyt's Avatar
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    yay!!! thanks for the report! alleviating dif a bit!

  3. #3
    Registered User magjoy's Avatar
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    I've been trying to come up with something, but I'm having a hard time connecting the days with their nights.
    We arrived easily on Saturday, by 1 p.m. two guys were nibbling on my neck.
    Let's just skip to Monday, we'll get back to sunday when I remember. Not that I remember much of Monday.
    C&M arrived and it was o happy times! C finally convinced me to get stoned that day. Bad reaction + THANK GOD.
    Around 3 there was a contest in which some asshole pushed winston AND his microphone in the pool. Surprised the dude was able to walk away unscathed by us. Right after that, I was hanging out in the pool with several friends and two lesbian chicks we all just met. They started getting a wee too friendly with me.
    This is where my memory stops and people helped fill in the gaps. So, then we all headed down to the hot tub,
    soon? after I walked out of the hot tub, down to the beach and asked L for his room key to use his bathroom. Evidently
    "There's something going on in that pool and I want NO part of it!" and didn't even want to use the bathroom near the hot tub.
    Guess there is a 1st time for everything. I also had to call in superman for backup. I wish I remember Tony getting a blow job from the lesbian!

    2 Vinnies or 1 wally? The Vinnies won out.
    so, it's our last night and I'm drunk, at the disco bar dancing and waiting for my drink. Naked. Everyone had already left, along with the guy who loaned me his button up long sleeved shirt that was my PJ. Think risky business. So here I am dancing, and Vinnie #1, who is actually a decent dancer, was dancing near me. Wally kinda comes closer...I scoot closer to Vinnie...wally gets WAY close..I pull Vinnie #2 very close to me. Ala vinnie sandwich. Wally is upset that I'm not dancing with him and the has the balls to complain when I spill my drink on him!! WTF?! So wally backs off...and I borrowed Vinnie #2's shirt. Ok, so I pulled it off his back, put it on with a "Thank you SOO much..evidently I should have clothes on." He laughs, we continue dancing and thank GOD my husband finally comes looking for me!
    Sadly, he made me give the shirt back. *sniff* such a nice pink shirt!

    There seemed to be a few more vinnies then previous years. I still cannot fathom how the guy (Junk in the trunk) with all those dick piercings could have sex with out breaking a condom! OMG..how does he even jack off? OUCH? He offered to let me try them out "I'm going to my room for condoms anyway", I said "HELL NO! Keep those things AWAY!" I did ask him if he got the piercings to get laid more, though. It wasn't a jacob's latter, just a prince albert and 4 other weird things near the base. didn't seem very planned out.

    Keystone bob is a LOT of fun. We went snorkeling a few times and that was nice. I got a few really good pictures of us snorkeling before my camera broke.
    Serbian bob's last morning, we went snorkeling.. we were sitting on the beach looking at his photos when I hear
    "MAGGIE! HEY! MAGGIE!" The snorkel boat was about to leave. So I gave Serbian Bob a quick hug good bye and ran down the prude beach. naked. snorkel gear in hand and hopped the boat. "maggie...where are your clothes?!"
    "uhm. In my room?" "eh, just cover up" so yay for snorkeling naked!

    Met some new people but like the colonel said, low capacity. However, this gave us a really good chance to get to know many of the repeaters a lot better.

  4. #4
    Registered User magjoy's Avatar
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    Last night in the hot tub.
    I was hanging with some friends. This one chick hanging out with her husband and some other people had been scouting m y guy friend hard core. REALLY wanted him...bad. So guy and I are sitting on the side and I decided to be seriously wicked. We start to pretend to be making out but I couldn't not laugh.

    I'm sure I'll eventually remember mire.

  5. #5
    Registered User caughtyoulookin's Avatar
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    I really like the way Magjoy uses simple math to guide her way through the fog of a hard parting Hedo trip. She just adds herself where she is comfortable andf subtracts herself where she is not. When more complex thought processes are not forthcoming due to the liberal application of party supplies, I use the same basic descision making process.
    I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.

  6. #6
    Registered User magjoy's Avatar
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    Jenga.
    I swear. I promise. I'm INNOCENT!!
    I was in a scheming slightly bitchy mood due to this assclown being dickish. He was off playing Jenga with this other dude and we started playifully scheming on how we could knock it over.
    "Ok..we'll walk by, I'll pretend to slip, accidentally knock it over and you'll catch me" we debated, deliberated.. discussed and in the end, my bitchiness lost so, I went to go get food anyway. Walking by the oh so exciting game when I got sucked in. "I don't know how to play" said some random never before met guy. "well, it's pretty easy" I say, reaching into poke a block. Before I got there..my finger just inches away. A huge gust of wind blows it over quite loudly and everyone looks over. My finger is still up there and I hav this huge look of guilt on my face. Busting up laughing did not help my cause at all. But really...I didn't knock it over! Of course, this just sucked me into game 2.

    Put the tv room to good use. Great place to get (or give!) a lap dance and the lighting is fabulous. *dark. I sat back with one of the husbands while his wife gave some other dude a lap dance while a mutual couple was doing the lap dance tango on another section. Very interesting. Being slow, it was fun to get to know these couples better.

    One day it rained really super hard. We were trying to figure out what stuff we could do. so we wander the grounds trying to come up with games. Most, if not all start (or end with) a drink. Saw the handball court. it was really neat. took pictures with the blow up he/she. By the time we finished scouting places, yay! the rain went away.

    I didn't get a base tan this year and holy bake batman! I didn't burn, more like a slow roast. Sucked really really bad. My skin was just baking! I went to the spa thinking an aloe body wrap would help. o m g. cold cold cold! I was shivering, but it was a wee late. about the last 5 minutes I warmed up. yay? then I got a really nice shoulder back massage.
    if they're squeezing too hard, by all means, tell them!

    Friends save friends. even if they're not your friends.
    I was in the pool and noticed junk in the trunk talking to this couple endlessly. She had this look on her face of OMG, wtf is this guy, won't he EVER shut up?!
    So I say "fuck it" and walk over. Tap on her shoulder and say "hey! I recognize your _picture_ from the _chat board_ but for the life of me, I can't _remember_ your name, how're you doing?? Did you get in ok?" She was really confused but played along and thanked me later.

    WHY?? WHY do people think it's perfectly ok to endlessly talk to someone when they're obviously uninterested!
    AND?! WHY do people think it's perfectly ok to say "so....does your husband share?" FUCK WHAT MY HUSBAND THINKS! How about you ask me if i'm interested because clearly I'm not. Just because I say hello, shake your hand and show you a smile does not mean I want to fuck you or anything remotely associated with that. Especially if it's two minutes after meeting you. well, officially meeting. he was staring at me most of the night in the disco. don't stare guys! It's CREEPY.
    "when in rome" ok lady, just because you want to swing and fuck anything, does not mean this is what other people want to do. No, I do not want to satisfy your guy because you can't keep up. and what makes you think I'd want to ANYWAY. WHO are these people?! Then there was the guy hitting on my husband and a close friend's husband. Clearly they are not gay. He kinda disappeared after that. guy #1 just pointed to the two chicks making out and said "I belong to them" We did have fun laughing at them.

    I met 'the most interesting man in the world" ok, not really, but he sure looked like it! YAY! They won the free week. I was a teensie bit annoyed with how many people came, and they invited people who had never even been there before. Why? They're not going to win anything and I just have to stand in line longer to get my food. yum food!

    food. It was kinda...sad? The buffet hadn't looked this sad, ever. They had a pasta bar every night, but usually it was just chicken..one night no meat! there was always stuff to eat, though. Just not as much. don't go later, they may run out of shrimp. If you want the seafood, with just alfredo..say so! I tweaked my entire meal. penne instead of spaghetti, alfredo instead of red sauce, kept the seafood and it was all good. kinda spicy, though! chef's revenge?

    One of my more favorite quotes
    "wow, you clean up well, I wouldn't have recognized you with out the mysterious bruises!"
    -Keystone Bob.

  7. #7
    Registered User keystone's Avatar
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    We did have a really fun week ! And glad we were there the same time. Miss my snorkeling buddy, and yes that was me yelling "Maggie " the boats about to leave,as I see her running nekid across the prude beach only to " have to cover up " on the dive boat as there were Sandals people at the dive site.Good thing I had a towel. Chris knows what I'm talking about. These guys were really fun and if you ever get the chance to go at the same time ( June 2011 ) you will have a blast.
    Chica , chica , brown cow..... ( I still don't get it ?? )


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  8. #8
    Registered User magjoy's Avatar
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    Bob, it goes a lil something like this.
    "what kind of porn does a farmer like?"
    "Bow chica brown cow"
    I know...silly. but "bow chica bow bow" is the standard cheese music of porn.
    That's what we figured out at the hot tub, anyway.

    it supposedly goes...
    what are the two dirtiest farm animals?
    'brown chicken, brown cow"
    Last edited by magjoy; 07-06-2010 at 11:46 AM.

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