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Thread: Trip Report 6/5 - 6/12

  1. #1
    Registered User Jointlock's Avatar
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    Wink Trip Report 6/5 - 6/12

    General Stuff:
    1- We are native NYC residents; Jetblue was a pleasure over the other airlines, got us in early both ways
    2- Customs going was a breeze, coming home we were throughly searched in Jamaica 4 times, JFK was a breeze
    3- no issues with the Kingston stuff, hotel security (aka the sex police) were minding their place in the beginning and end of trip; midweek though they were intrusive. This was our second Jamaica trip, and we still don't understand why every resort hires security that watches the guests so much more than who comes and goes from the property. Considering that the same company serves all the coastal resorts we are pretty sure they are connected to the regular police, and the resorts have no choice and are told they must use them. If Jamaica ever wants to become a premier player in the resort game they have to fix this. Midweek it felt creepy being watched, and it always keeps it in your mind that "something" is not right.
    4- We had a blackout Wednesday night, and no air conditioning for 24 hours in most of the quad. The unit in our room burned out, and we had to be pushy to get a new room with air. If we had not been politely aggressive the resort probably would have left us without air for the last few days. This is another thing Jamaica needs to change: while the bartenders, maids etc. range from so-so to terrific, the management seems to be clueless when it comes to helping their guests. Don't push and you get zero help; push too hard and you get zero.
    5- Don't think it is tips included, we gave out about $200 in tips, some asked aggressively with a hostile attitude, some made it clear with signs, body language etc, some never broached the topic.
    6- Some of the staff did not hide their "interaction" with certain guests. I am not talking about the type of interaction that one appreciates. Respect to Shamisa (nude pool bar night shift), she always had the rum cream at the ready to pour over nekkid girls while I was "working". If you go soon ask her about Chris from NY, she might tell you the story. And if the girl from St.Louis who was wearing the Tiara, and whose Birthday it was on 6/5 (you had a tattoo of script book writing on your left ribcage) is reading this, please contact us here on the BB; we need to keep in touch. There was one lifeguard who spent much of his work time in a particular room with 3 guests. There was also one bartender who "did" a guest out in the open in the quad one evening. Certain staff members also spent a lot of their time qualifying and hitting on all of the girls. We understand that there is a certain segment of female guests that go to Jamaica to sample the local "flavor" , but most couples do not, and we would have appreciated a little bit less obvious interaction.
    7- Big ups, and maximum respect to Kati and Clayton at the Quad bar: they let me DJ evryday at the bar, and by day 2 we had the Quad pool filled up and rocking, plus they are great with the guests. Also Remone, nice guy. Make sure to find John at the grill at the nude pool for lunch at least a couple times. John takes more pride and care with his work than anyone you will ever meet; and he is a master of the grill. DO NOT go home without trying his homemade tortillas and grilled chicken quesadillas. Pure heaven. DO NOT miss a chance at trying either a dirty banana, miami vice or hummigbird. I am not a rum drinker, but I lost count of the Dirty Bananas at 45! Also as stated before Shamisa at the nude pool at night is great.
    8-Alcohol: a mix of name and stock. Appleton is the rum, tequila no name, bourbon was either missing or top shelf (Jim Beam). Scotch was no name, but Barbie and her husband (Hello Miami!) through great effort got a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black to Quad pool bar. Our group had a constant battle keeping red and white wine, as well as champagne at the bars; and they are agents who have been there more times than you could count.
    9- "Other stuff": readily available at the resort, don't bother on the way there, and NEVER at the airport. Prices were equivalent to home, pipes, grinders, papers and lighters in the gift shop, but overpriced. Quality was from steady mild to intense, pick your poison. No one there ever heard of a bong. In your room no problems mon, with discretion at the pool bars. We never touch it, but were offered E and "other stuff" to keep you up all night. I wouldn't recommend that.
    10- Occupancy: Days 1-3 and 6-7 about 50%, days 4 & 5 about 30%. Prude side pretty much empty, Quad pretty good, we were in the quad and it was decent. Nude pool at night good except midweek.
    11- Theme nights: participation about 25%, not like it used to be. It was also too hot to be in costume all night. Current schedule is as follows if you plan to participate:
    Sunimp and ho, Monirate and wench (good participation) Tueajama night Wed:fetish (best participation) Thur: Toga (good participation) Fri: Jamaican colors Sat:glitter/shimmer
    12- PDA's: depends on the day and the crowd. In order of days there: Sat was WILD (my fault, I was in the middle of it and started it, after Connie pimped me out) Sun: fairly wild, again my fault. Mon: wild, again my fault (Miami & Boston thanks for the applause). The rest of the week was up and down from zero to mild, with the exception of the one day crazy asian girl, just watched the show.
    13- go online, or to Walmart or Target and bring Bubba Kegs, great if you want a large cold drink on hand at all times. All resort drinks are about 3 oz. Some filled theirs with beer, soda or alcohol, we kept ours filled with ice water, keep drinking water in between drinks to stay hydrated and avoid hangovers.
    14- FOOD: buffet was good to very good, everyday for all meals. Sit down restaurants ranged from good to very good, portions small to moderate. Grill at nude pool excellent. We didn't sleep much, too busy partying. Breakfast buffet opens 7:30 am and closes at 9:30am. Lunch buffet opens 12-3. Nude grill open 12noon to 5pm. Dinner buffet opens 7:30pm and closes 10pm. Partial buffet open till 3am for snacks. We3 learned a great secret: we missed lunch 3 times (liquid lunch) and we had the munchies bad one night and missed the snack buffet. After 3am go to the front desk and ask security for a snack. The restaurant makes wrapped plates with sandwiches, cookies and crackers. It saved us one late night. This is another good reason for the Bubba Kegs with water, late night drink in your room.
    15- Weather: 90-95 days, 75-82 nights. Humidity was between humid, very humid and intensely humid. We came home with about 50 mosquito bites total. A/C is not up to snuff overall. Everything always feels damp. The night without made our tile floor dangerous. Everything was dripping with water.
    16- Groups and People: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: H2 and H3 are what you and the other people make of it. We had a great mix at the beginning and end, midweek was very quiet. It helps if you are outgoing and friendly. GO WITH A GROUP!!!! We went with Wild Women out of Las Vegas and WE WOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GO WITH THEM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    We were "unofficially" dismissed from the group after the obligatory cocktail party. While we are a decent looking couple, my wife is pail (Scottish genes don't allow for a tan) and she is chubby. It was "obvious" she didn't meet their standards. While we never expected anyone to "play" with us due to being in the group, we did NOT expect common courtesy and decency to go out the door too.
    We can say that we we had as much or more "fun" and fun they most of that group did. Ask about Chris from NY if you are there soon, we won't give out details, but there were many witnesses on the staff and guests that can fill you in.
    We were originally going to go with Ann, The Travel Slut, and Krewe De Krazy. We were late in booking, so we didn't book through her, but knew that the Krewe would be there at the same time. By first light of day 2 we were welcomed into the group with open arms. By the end of the trip I was appointed VP of admissions to the group, came up with the official pledge that must be taken by all to join, and we made lifelong friends that we cherish. Let us say we are lifelong NY'ers (from the city)and we are jaded, and not easily impressed. We are well travelled, and thought we had seen it all. We can tell you that at 45 years old we cannot remember ever meeting a group people that we admire so much, that we fell in love with, who make our hearts ache at not being able to see them everyday as Krewe De Krazy. It felt like we met our friend soul mates. Ann & Charlie are perhaps the most impressive couple we have ever met. If all people were like them the world would be a better place. If I were an orphan I would want them to adopt me. So to Ann (our Empress), Charlie (our Emperor and head of State Security), Bruce (our Dear Mayor McBoob), Connie (Minister of laughter and Balls) (and MY pimp!), Martin (my co VP of orgasms and g-spotting), Michelle (secretary of Female Hotness) and all the group members: WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH, doesn't cover it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Registered User LLSHOCKERS's Avatar
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    Great report, very detailed. We were there while you were there and I am sure we crossed path's on more then on occasion. Although I do not remember Chris from NY. We always try to say hello to everyone we see. We didnt spend any time at the quad so that's probably why we didnt talk. The only names I remember from your list is Barbie and I believe she was with Robert? The guys were in the corner chatting about sports during the w/w meet & greet. The power thing sure ruined it for us as it was our last night there.
    http://www.adulttravelforum.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=16580&dateline=127655  1277
    March 2014 (we plan ahead)
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    We spend 90% of our time at the Nude Pool during the time you were there. We agree John at the Nude Grill was great. We had a great time during this same week (after our first recovery day). Too much to do and not enough time. We'd love to make it back to H3 before it closes.

    LLShockers, Enjoyed meeting you guys!

  4. #4
    Registered User LLSHOCKERS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NFLCouple View Post
    We spend 90% of our time at the Nude Pool during the time you were there. We agree John at the Nude Grill was great. We had a great time during this same week (after our first recovery day). Too much to do and not enough time. We'd love to make it back to H3 before it closes.

    LLShockers, Enjoyed meeting you guys!
    Great to meet you guys too. You guys came in HOT your first day! Good times for sure!
    http://www.adulttravelforum.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=16580&dateline=127655  1277
    March 2014 (we plan ahead)
    H2 Oct 2012
    H2 March 2012
    H2 June 2011
    H3 June 2010
    H3 March 2005
    H3 June 2005
    H2 March 2002

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    Hey DJ from NYC. We hung out with you guys a few times at the quad pool. We are the two from Cali. Your report is pretty much on the money. We were first time visitors to Jamaica and H3.

    Few points thought

    1. Food, horrible. I lost 5 lbs in the time we were there. I was truly scared to eat much of the food that was served and got ill a time or two. BTW, I am a big girl who doesn't turn down a meal, so this should tell you how bad I thought it wa. Nude pool grill guys....... awsome. I could only imagine what he could create with a fully stocked kitchen
    2. Customer service, lets just say was not great. Not sure if it's because of "short timers", really not good. Our girl at the quad pool was absolutely great. She new just what you were drinking and when you needed a re-fill. A few of the wait staff at the buffet were pretty attentive. The service at the front desk was bad. I consider myself to be really friendly and I learned early on to speak to people with a smile on your face and that didn't work at all. We had a proble with our door, the one that opens out to the pool. It was never fixed or even lookekd at. One night hubby and I got stuck out in the pool at 3 am with no clothes, thank goodnes I had left a cover out and had to walk to the lobby and get someone to open our door. I felt so bad because the girl appeared to be bothered by my request. As if she was really busy finding the cure for cancer or something.

    All in all it was a good trip. Like everyone says it's what you make of it. Met great people and had a lot of good laughs. We will be trying H2 next year.

    Well gotta go, we are having a earthquake. Gotta love California.

  6. #6
    Registered User Jointlock's Avatar
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    Hey San Diego!!! You guys were a blast! Sorry to hear about food issues. We only posted the food review based on our experience, which was decent. I didn't mention the customer service in detail (did mention the approaches for tips, and some of the staff sleeping with guests) , because having been to other properties in Jamaica the piss poor attitude is an island wide thing, and has always been one of the reasons Jamaica will not be a major player in the resort game. Also the pvt security is the same company at all the resorts. It can feel creepy at times. Another Jamaican wide thing. Maybe we will see you next year at H2!

  7. #7
    Registered User weliveinvegas's Avatar
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    Thanks for the report, makes us anxious to get back home for the final trip. We have never been approached for a tip in 10 years, will be interesting to see if this happens on our final venture..

    Ivy and Rick
    "AWOL 2016, Let's Get Together"
    www.awoltravelgroup.com

    Next Trip: Hedo II, 7/23 to 7/30, 2016

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    We were also there at the same time June 2nd to the 10th!!! We were very happy with the food!! We love everything John makes at the nude grill!! We stay on the nude side so do not have an opinion on anything at the quad! this was our 10th trip and we have never been asked for tips!! We love Hedo 3 and would deffinitly go back but since it is changing we will go to hedo 2 next year!! I think the only complaint we had this time was the air conditioner in our room never worked to it's full capacity!! and the only time it bothered us was when it was time to dress for dinner (after our showers) We have met some really awesome people there over the 10 years and I am sure we will at Hedo 2 for the next 10 or more years!!!!

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    BigC, I have to agree with you on that. We didn't get any indication that the staff was requesting tips. That or we travel so much to all inclusive that we don't even pay attention to that. With that said, we did at the end of our trip make our rounds to tip people who we thought provided really good service. Now about that food... I have heard anything from really bad to very impressed. I guess it really has to do with what you are exposed too. We have always stayed at the higher end resorts and they provide outstanding food. The seafood is always available. The funny thing is that this 5 night trip cost us as much as some 5 star resort trips that we have taken. I wonder why???

    Here is a quick thought. We here in Cali are spoiled by the best Mexican food you could possible have. Anywhere from high end to really authentic and home made kind. We have a restaurant here that makes the worst Mexican food ever, but they have a great Mariachi and entertainment. So we always go there. You don't go to Hedo for the Food, drinks or the resort itself. As I said before for the price we could go to Cancun for 7 nights and have at least a great Surf and Turf meal. You go for the entertainment and the people. The hubby and I have some great stories we cant share with anyone but every so ofter we give each other the look and bust out laughing.

    That's what I think Hedo is about. Great times.

  10. #10
    Registered User Jointlock's Avatar
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    I can say that our main maid gave us a direct and somewhat hostile tip request. We have travelled a lot, and always leave a nice tip at the end of the week. Apparently she is used to getting a smaller daily tip. So on day 3 she asked me what day we were leaving. I told her the upcoming Saturday. She said (quote) My day off is Saturday so best make sure you take good care of me before then. We had to change rooms the day after the blackout as our a/c unit burned out totally. It was up to me to force the room change, or the front desk was prepared to leave us in Quad 411 w/out a/c till the end of our trip. The bellman AND the maintenance guy stood in the room after we moved most of our stuff right before dinner with hands out. We took care of everyone, but that attitude is pervasive in Jamaica (don't want to tell you the horror story of the staff that wouldn't help me on day 2 at Breezes (8 years ago) next door when I got a call telling me my Dad passed away suddenly - I was on my own to get out for the funeral). And why do Jamaican resorts hire security that watches the guests and not the property??? I suspect that they are TOLD to hire them by the police. It is the same company and attitude at all the resorts.

  11. #11
    Registered User pornstar1360's Avatar
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    "We went with Wild Women out of Las Vegas and WE WOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GO WITH THEM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    We were "unofficially" dismissed from the group after the obligatory cocktail party. While we are a decent looking couple, my wife is pail (Scottish genes don't allow for a tan) and she is chubby. It was "obvious" she didn't meet their standards. While we never expected anyone to "play" with us due to being in the group, we did NOT expect common courtesy and decency to go out the door too. "
    Yep, after 6 trips there, we've heard the stories too. We kind of steer clear of them. Very cliqueish. Oh and we never give anyone the "real" day we leave, except friends and those who need to know. (maid reference)

  12. #12
    Registered User Jointlock's Avatar
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    Thank God for Krewe De Krazy, Ann The Travel Slut, her husband Charlie, Connie & Bruce etc. The greatest friends and people you could ever meet. They made our trip fantastic, and we can't wait to see them all again!!!!!!!

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