I recently made my first visit to Jamaica, staying at Hedonism III. First impressions in the airport were nothing I wasn't used to, locals offering various legal and illegal things, telling me how beautiful i was in my ear while slipping things into my hands in hopes I'd fall for the lines and purchase something. I actually kind of enjoy this ritual, who doesn't want to think they are hot stuff once in a while? i politely declined offers and ignored comments I didn't wish to acknowledge. It's dark, just after 7pm and the best view I'm going to get tonight is going to be of the locals and the back of the seat in front of me on the bus. I settled into my more comfortable than expected seat near the back of the bus and waited to depart to the resort. Made acquaintance with some very nice couples who were also on their way to Hedo. Few roadside stops at some quaint little road side obviously tourist stops and we arrive at the resort.
Could I be any more excited?!?!, i'm in ****ing jamaica people...
First impressions of the resort aren't bad at all. The resort is very private, inset a ways from the road and the photos seen online are definitely a let down as opposed to in person, the resort appears clean and well kept, the staff is extremely helpful with checking in. Landscaping for the most part is attractive, but really, who stays at hedo to smell the roses? Looking around I can feel the eyes on me, Quick girl, suck in your stomach and stick out your chest, it's like a live meat market in here and you don't wanna be the one wearing the reduced price tag the next day!
Venture up the stairs to our third floor, Quad pool facing room and notice oops... They've put us in a room with one bed. Not a big deal, I've slept in smaller spaces with girlfriends before. We don't complain, the room is clean, air conditioned and we have a great view of the pool and a jet tub. (Now seriously what girl would complain about a jet tub...) Check the schedule to see what tonights Dress code is. How lucky for us, leather and lace.
Now I'm a very open minded girl, but I'm more than self conscious about how i look 'bearing it all' so the nude pool I must admit was not even in the back of my mind. Go figure within one hour of arriving and meeting the first few awesome people where did i find myself? Naked as the day i was born and tits deep in not so warm water playing volleyball with just as exposed strangers. I never would have thought. It's a very nerve wracking, yet very freeing experience. I have a MUCh greater respect for people who 'show a lot of skin' who are of 'larger' body types after this whole experience. I'm also a lot more comfortable in my own skin thanks to this, so no matter what commentary follows, I don't regret this trip in ANY way shape or form, and yes, I would recommend people to visit Hedonism in the future.
We proceeded back to the room to dress for the nights festivities. I decided since I'd already been butt naked, what did I have to lose showing more than my 'norm' for dinner and the party to follow in the disco. I slid into a pair of fishnet thigh highs with a lacey garter to hold them up, a skirt with my backside completely exposed and a string of rhinestones from my waist down my 'crack' and connecting to the bottom of the skirt. Took a deep breath and away we went. I'm a tracksuit and flip flops kinda girl unless I'm working so talk about adrenaline. And it started... The waiter at our table was very polite, took our drink order, brought it to us, polite conversation. Then he mentioned margaritaville in town, and asked if we'd like to come. We thanked him for the invite and said we just got there and we would think about. He continued to stand there for about fifteen minutes while we tried to eat insisting we come with him, talking about tickets and whatever else... This was a little annoying, It's hard to eat when your being non stop pestered. He was being very nice though so it was hard to dismiss him without feeling like WE were the ones being rude. Later that night we enjoyed the house band for a short while before heading off to grab some drinks from the main bar, I was paying so of course my friend ordered two... haha. Almost immediately we started being harrased, not I'm not talking cute funny polite hitting on.. I'm talking like "show me your pussy, grab my cock, do you have a nice vagina" kind of harassment. A member of the band noticed and him and a friend came to our rescue and were able to shoo away the not so nice people. It's because of these two people that my entire trip changed. They introduced themselves and quickly retreated, informing us it was against the rules for staff and guests to be too closely associating. (something I found to be a bullshit rule as the week went on, as, by my own observations, it only applied to CERTAIN staff members) We thanked them for the assistance and headed up to the on-site disco. No seats, no tables... Ok that means we're drinking and shaking booty in the cage until we crawl back to our rooms I guess, not a problem! partying hard, enjoying every moment of it... It's getting late and things are starting to spin so we decide to head back to the room. We happen upon the same two guys who assisted us earlier. I asked one of them to help me drag my friend back to the room, cause at this point she wasn't walking so well on her own, and they declined, again because of hotel policy. A good policy if it actually applied to everyone... but anyways I won't get into that again.
Next morning we had messages from hotel staff checking on us. Apparently we had an effect on people the night before... haha. It was all good, nice of them to make sure we were alright and everything. Go for breakfast, no rather lunch by this time, looking hungover and rode hard. Aside from the beastly headaches it's a beautiful day. Guests and staff are nothing but awesome. Walking to the restaurant for lunch we pass a guy who just finished snorkelling, he greets us cheerfully and we laugh and complain about drinking too much. He laughs and we part with promise to chat later (and get this my friend ends up dating him and bringing him home to meet mom.... haha but that's skipping ahead too much) The service at the lunch spot is great, food is prepared fast and they keep your drinks topped right up!
But anyways if i give you a play by play this thing will be a thousand pages long.
For me, I found the daytime activities were lacking, most people were sleeping, and things tend only to happen on the nude beach. Huge appreciation to the entertainment staff who dragged everyone over to the quad pool one afternoon for the events, that was by far the best day I had on the resort. Spike is most definitely an asset to the resort, he adds flair and character. You want to watch him just to see what he will do next... he's got an ass women want and men want to get at, let me tell you!!! At night the disco is pumpin for a very short time. Seems people show up in their glitz and glam but very quickly pair or three up and head over to the nude pool or back to the rooms. Disappointing for someone who isn't there to hookup, but rather just have a good time. Perfect for those who are completely there for the ENTIRE hedonism experience.
I'm SO glad I chose to venture off the resort (against the advice of every person I've ever met and the front desk, and security...etc..) I had one of the best weeks of my life out partying with the locals. Off the resort they treated me way better than on the resort. It was to the point that i actually dreaded walking past security and the late night taxi drivers parked out front. I went shopping alone in Ocho rios and didn't have ONE person disrespect me or try to rip me off. Margaritaville was a blast, they had stage entertainment and games... the club is also equipped with a waterslide over the bar into a small pool. You have to be VERY aggressive to get a drink though, hussle hussle! I spent a day on the 'locals' beach area and i was so relaxed. GOOD food, good company, good experience for sure. One night I ventured not too far from the resort towards the sound of loud music... Found a roadside party setup. Walls of speakers 20 feet high, people frying up jerk chicken, drinks all around, people just pulling up parking, dancing and having a good time. You know i only saw ONE other white person there the whole time, yet, it seemed I was the only one who even noticed that. My favorite night was that night for sure, THAT is what it's all about. Go to jamaica and live it up. On the resort you don't get the real experience. Then again, most people aren't willing to walk around at night in a strange place, I'm up for adventure in different ways than most I suppose. I check the time and realise I should head back and check in with my roomate (I didn't know she was still out partying herself or I would have stayed out longer!) I walk past security and he smirks, comments that i made it back in one piece, i just smiled, agreed and walked on. I get to the front just outside and theres a nightguard and a taxi driver chatting. They say hello, ask where I've been, if I've had a good night, etc.... It's all good. Then the driver flat out asks me to come sit in the back of his cab and 'feel what i've dont to him in his pants'. I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights just staring at him but I was completely caught off guard. Not only does he ask but he starts walking towards his cab! I just started walking away when the security asks my room number and if i need to be walked back, i assure him i was fine and he didn't need to know my room number. To which he replied "it doesn't matter I know your number anyways, i'll give you a call beautiful". I ignored it and walked up to the disco to do a quick check for my roomate before I headed to the room. Nobody in there, a couple in the corner enjoying their night, a guy working it out in the cage (boy could move!) and 3 - 4 bartenders/staff. I grab a drink and engage in short conversation with one guy behind the bar... As I'm about to leave another bar staff guy asks if he can take me to a private closet on the resort and **** me! (he actually came up and started singing the song by Akon "I Wanna **** You"). I kinda giggled trying to be cute and get away at the same time and thanked him for the 'kind offer' but said i needed to find my friend. He also then informed me of MY room number and said he would call me later. Why does the entire staff know what room i am staying in ? Went back to the room, couldn't figure out how to make the jets on the tub work (very unfortunate!) so had a quick bath, called home to check in and hit the bed.
The rest of the trip was pretty much the same thing over and over, amazing day off the resort, good night on the resort. As for the people around the week i attended. I met some totally awesome couples, some were life stylers, others weren't. And you know it didn't matter they were all excellent company and respectful of all my boundaries and freedoms. Of course not everyone you meet will be great company. I had the unfortunate opporunity to meet a gentlemen, and I lose that term loosely, who I just cant understand.... I'm standing in the restaurant on lingerie night, I have on fishnet top and black leather waist corset, but I'm wearing a pink silk robe over it until I get up to the disco. This guy approaches me and asks to see what I'm hiding under the robe, I open it up and show him, he comments on how nice I look and I smile and genuinely thank him for the compliment. Then he reaches with both hands for my nipples, I drew back and politely declined being touched and rerobed myself. He asks what the 'situation' with me and my roomate is *I came to hedo with a very attractive blonde girl friend*. I told him we are just friends, down for a good time, new experience, checking it out. He asks if I would be interested in a threesome with him and my friend and I stated again that me and her aren't sexual together at all. he suggests that just the both of us give him oral services at the same time and don't touch eachother. Again, I reiterated I wasn't like that with her. He asked if I would service him and I said sorry I wasn't interested. I assumed this would end the conversation. instead he asked if my friend would service him. I knew the answer but i told him he would have to discuss that with her personally, I couldn't answer for her. Later a very upset friend asks me why I offered her up to a man and his wife without even asking her about it. I was shocked. The guy went to her and said that I had told him she was willing to have a full-on threesome with him and his wife (He made no mention of a wife to me earlier at all). I assured her this wasn't true. Then he approached us in the disco, I was extremely rude at this point because he KEPT trying to talk to us and ask for things after we CLEARLY stated we weren't interested. (I'm trying to word this all as nicely as possible, I notice he's mentioned in another HEDO review) Well needless to say I wasn't the only person he THOROUGHLY annoyed, I was later informed management had a talk with him about his actions with SEVERAL guests who were very disgusted with him.
I saw my first cochroach and I screamed like a baby, forcing my roomate to deal with the enormous bug. It wouldn't have been so bad but the days before the floors in the room were COVERED with ants. I figured that would only happen on the bottom floor, but apparently not.
I can't say this was the worst trip ever, it's nice to be able to tan without the worry of tanlines. But I think they need a better handle on their bar staff. When I go to jamaica again I'm 99 % sure i wont' return to Hedonism III. (Though I wouldn't say no if you wanna bring me on your tab... hahahah ) I'd highly recommend staying at Breezes just down the road and getting a day pass for hedo (It's free if your staying at breezes and vice versa, only a 5$ cab ride per person over). In fact, I'd really like to return to Jamaica soon, my experiences outside of Hedo were amazing.
